No. We’ve been married 40 years, have never even considered such an approach.
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My parents were married… ::does math:: 30+ years ('til my dad died) and kept finances separate. No real reason as far as I know. They just never had a need to consolidate, I guess. So they didn’t bother until my dad got sick, and then it was so that my mom would have access to his finances when he got too sick to deal with them.
My husband was laid off a few years ago. He then started his own business but had to dissolve it last year. He does freelance work, but with the economy the way it still is, regular clients are far and few between. In the meantime he’s taken a PT warehouse job where he’s lucky if he gets more than 25 hours a week.
I foot everything. He pitches in when he can, but for the most part he’s lucky if he can put gas in his car.
To say this has caused major tensions between us is a vast understatement.
I think my folks had joint money when they were young and poor, but around the time they moved to FL (moms job moved her there and she had to go a year before dad could join her) they split the money out. It seemed to work out for them and they kept it that way, mom didn’t have to care if dad wanted to buy more tools and he didn’t have to care if she bought enough clothes to outfit a dozen people.
Totally together, except for legally mandated things like my 401K and her SEP. Actually, our family trust really owns everything. We’re just trustees.
We didn’t have any money when we got married, and since she moved we didn’t have the problem of pre-existing separate accounts. We are also absolutely compatible in terms of money. In nearly 33 years of marriage we’ve had one money argument, where I was being excessively cheap and she was right. Dealing with bills from separate accounts seems very complicated to me.
All our money goes into our joint account. I pay the online bills from it, she pays the paper bills because she works from home and can do it during a break. She enters the checks into Quicken and I balance the checkbook, so we both see everything. We have enough surplus (especially now we are finished paying the kids’ tuition) so that smallish items, like new shoes, are in the noise. Big items like appliances we agree on jointly and shop for together. I make a lot more than she does, but our life is much better because she works from home, so I don’t consider myself entitled to more. We both enjoy seeing the balance in our investment account, and, when we do spend a lot of money, like we are doing now for house renovations, have to keep convincing ourselves that it is really worth it.
All this is a lot simpler when you naturally spend less than you make and have zero debt, of course.
We have separate accounts because it is more convenient. I don’t see how that could hurt our marriage. They are both joint accounts so we can each have access if we need it.
Married 20 years, perfectly happy thank you very much, and have always had separate accounts.
I don’t get why people feel the need to read something nefarious into it or make judgments about how solid our marriage is based on whose name is on a bank account. Really, MYOB. It seems to me like a lot more work to manage a joint account and figure out how much each person puts into it, etc. He pays some bills, I pay some bills, we stay out of the poorhouse. Sometimes he buys dinner or groceries, sometimes I do. There’s no issue of trust because we both are on the same page. Don’t go bonkers, but you’re entitled to buy yourself nice things if you want them and you feel you can afford them. Sometimes we buy nice things for each other. We discuss big purchases and how much we think we can afford. When times are tough, we decide we’re going to tighten the belt a little bit. If I’m a little short this month (I’m self-employed, so cash flow varies), I might ask him to pay an extra bill, and vice versa. Or if I’m flush, I might mention that now might be a good time to buy that X we’ve been needing. No big whoop, really.
We do have “agent” status on each other’s accounts so we can access the funds in case of emergency.
My wife doesn’t have a job, so I’m not sure how we could have separate finances. But we’re on the same wavelength financially, so we don’t have any conflicts.
ETA: I should add that she runs the finances and pays the bills.
You forgot: At one time we shared. That didn’t work out so well so now they’re separate.
Some people like to balance their checkbook, and can actually do it. Others like to keep a sort of running total in their heads, and are fairly accurate at it, but screw up when writing it down. These two types seem destined to marry each other.
I would GO CRAZY if I had to adhere to his bookkeeping practices, and he probably wouldn’t be happy with mine, either (plus, it’s hard to keep an approximate running total in your head when someone else is also using the account and might take money out or add it).
It’s not like we are keeping secrets here. It’s really not like it’s my money and his money. We have a joint account and we both put money in there for household expenses, and if we need more in there, we discuss who has extra money (like there is any such thing really) in their account and how much, and transfer it.
We do have separate investment accounts.
If we had to share everything financial, we wouldn’t have fights over money, necessarily, but we would certainly have friction over how everything was written down. (Or not written down.)
Add to above, as I can’t edit:
I don’t know how much he earns, but he’d tell me if I asked. Uh, and ditto, I guess.
Crap. I voted wrong. I meant to pick no.
FTR: She’s a banker, mortgage guru, loan dept manager, etc. She handles all money, bills, investments. When she was in the hospital last year, I discovered I didn’t even know where our bank was. (In my defense, we had moved banks a few years ago)
I have c-cards, checks, etc., but always clear it with her before buying anything expensive. She even tracks things like auto-repair expenses, and is the one who tells me when we need a new vehicle. Fer example: In January, I presented her with a list of needed repairs on my truck. She disappeared into the files for awhile, and eventually came back with a decision that it exceeded the blue-book value, gave me a budget, and sent me off to the the dealerships to find a replacement. (I have a good track record on selecting mechanical stuff)
We have a strange division of labor, in that she usually decides when to buy, and I decide what.
Short answer to the OP. Finances are far from separate. They’re all in one pot, but I don’t know where it is.
Mig gives me cash from his pay when he gets it. Since he does day labor it could be daily or weekly or wheneverthejobisdonely. He keeps a little spending money and I use the rest for the bills. I’ve had the same checking account for 20 years and I put a little back when there’s extra. I don’t hide it or anything, but it’s “my” money because I saved it from scrimping and saving. “My” money is usually just used for stuff for the kids.
I didn’t vote; none of the options applied to me.
I’m married for over 20 years now. My wife and I have had joint…well…everything since before we were married. The thought never crossed my mind to have separate accounts, and my wife, girlfriend at the time, was in full bore ‘rope-this-guy-into-marriage-no-matter-what-it-takes’ mode, and throwing her cash into my accounts was just part of the ploy…I mean plan. 
We both work, but I manage the household funds, bank accounts, investments, and allowances. We both have our salaries direct-deposited. My wife’s something of a spendthrift so, although I haven’t actually said the words “I don’t trust you with our money”, both she and I know the score on that front and accommodate each other accordingly; she gets a larger weekly allowance than I do, and she doesn’t touch our accounts. It simply wouldn’t work any other way for us.
My husband recently asked me to show him what I do with our account each month because he felt he should know this (and I agreed). He doesn’t seem at all interested in doing anything with our bank accounts, and I’m perfectly happy to look after them, so that seems to be working for us, but neither of us wants to be completely out of the loop. I do give him bulletins when something noteworthy happens, or just current status updates.
A few years ago, I tried to have monthly meetings with my wife to go over our state of financial affairs to, as you say, keep her in the loop. It lasted all of three months. She couldn’t possibly have shown any more disinterest if she’d tried. It must be amazing to live that way.
Do you file joint tax returns? if so, wouldn’t see you his reportable income when you sign them?
I’m not sure I understand. Wouldn’t the third option “No. We don’t. I couldn’t imagine not trusting my SO with my money” apply to your situation?
Interesting question. Interesting answers. Spouse and I got married young and we had little income. Window shopping meant just that - not actually spending anything. We pooled our incomes and paid everything out of one checkbook. On the advice of my mother, we gave each other a very small allowances for discretionary spending - stuff we did not need to get permission for. Spouse tended to save up for something big. I tended to buy little things. This method has worked out well for us. We are both miserly.
To this day we still only have one checking account in both names. Most of it is laziness. If we had two we would have to balance both to the penny each month. Of course we write blessed few checks nowadays. If I can’t set up an automatic withdrawal, then is it really worth it? Those bills without automatic payments, we use the online banking system.
On the other hand, according to my mother, my grandfather would cash his paycheck and give “household” money to my grandmother. She never knew how much he made. Yikes! I guess she didn’t report to him her babysitting money: ten cents an hour, 50 cents minimum. Double yikes!
Like Hilarity N. Suze, we had a joint account but different styles drove us crazy. I keep track of pennies, he rounds. I believe in keeping a register, he thinks, “why bother when you can always check online?” In general, though, it’s not a source of tension between us. Lack of money full stop, and earning disparity (me: all vs. him: none) is a HUGE source of tension, but since what can be done is being done we just have to live with it for now.
We each have multiple accounts, here in Canada (both) and Britain (both) and the US (just me) as well as debts. We regularly impersonate each other online with the British accounts, up to and including moving money between them (him > me or me > him). We do clear it with each other before or just after the fact, never been a problem. In general I keep and convey the big picture and he does the daily budgeting.
It’s kind of a mix for us. We have joint checking and savings accounts, but we each also have our own checking accounts that we use for personal purchases like clothes, entertainment, whatever. In general, any purchase more than $1000, even from the personal accounts, requires at least a courtesy head’s up and informal approval of the other. Each of us has the other person’s passwords to access those accounts if needed.