It’s an easier question for me to answer than my spouse, I am betting. 
Pretty sure he would never marry anyone who didn’t understand, if not appreciate, porn.
“Can you stop getting passed out drunk 4 nights a week?”
“Can you stop blowing half your paycheck on lottery tickets?”
It’s only controlling and manipulative if it’s requesting that you stop engaging in reasonable behavior for the requestor’s unreasonable purposes. If my wife asked me to quit porn, it would be because it has somehow become a problem in our family, and that request should be taken seriously.
You aren’t making a request unless both yes and no are acceptable replies (bearing in mind that it was skald who distinguished between an ultimatum and a simple request). It’s either a serious matter or it isn’t. if it’s a serious matter confront it directly, don’t pussy foot around with “will woogum-oogum pweese stop dwinking for meeeee?”
Honestly, how is what you described in any way a productive communication? It both fails to communicate that the above are serious issues to the speaker, and puts all the onus on the listener to change.
Kind of like my examples, you mean? Skald was denying that there could be anything controlling about a “request.”
No, I said that a request is not *necessarily *controlling. You are the one who has assumed that all requests are controlling. It’s possible for two people who love one another to have a dispute about the behavior of one of them and to resolve it without either being controlling or manipulative.
Because it’s very controlling. She’s trying to control what I watch and read to suit her own preferences - how is that not control freakish?
Those are both examples of objective harm and not the same thing. It’s the difference between “don’t look at porn” and “don’t spend our rent money on porn sites”.
You are, again, assuming that the request was couched as a demand. It doesn’t have to be.
It is only not couched as a demand, if it is possible to refuse and retain marital harmony. My experience is that the sort of people who make this request profoundly believe that “I disagree” = “I don’t love you.” Cue drama.
I have already said I would agree for a sufficiently good reason. “it makes me feel bad” is not a sufficiently good reason, in my view – that’s a personal problem the asker should deal with instead of using me as a prop for their self-esteem.
As others have mentioned,if my husband were to make such a strange and out of character request, I would take it seriously, because I would know for a fact the reason was something other than “it makes me feel bad.”
It’s a major and highly intrusive “request”. And one that only makes sense as a desire to control me.
The poll did not make that distinction. It merely says your spouse asks you to give up porn forever.
Is it “controlling”? Of course, it’s intended to change your behavior in a way that is directed by your spouse.
Is it “control freakish”? That depends on whether or not there is a defensible reason for the request. If you occasionally look at some pictures of naked women in Playboy, a request to give it up forever would be unreasonable. If you spend 3 hours every night looking at bizarre fetish websites, while ignoring your wife’s sexual needs, I would say the request is rather more reasonable.
All I mean to say is that it is not automatically a control freakish demand that should be declined immediately, context is everything.
I do, however, agree that there is really no “asking” about something like this, it’s going to come off as a demand no matter how you slice it.
You mean some other husband. The one I’ve got right now would never ask me to give up anything except being unreasonably bitchy to him.
In the event that some subsequent husband asks me to give up porn then yes, no problem.
Romance novels don’t count as porn do they? (nor…um…fanfiction?)
What is being demanded is much closer to the former. The request isn’t “stop looking at so much porn and pay attention to me”; it’s “give up all porn forever, regardless of whether or not I’m within a hundred miles”. It’s about demanding that the only sexual outlet you have be her, whether or not she’s in the mood or even there.
I would be surprised if someone who’d make such a demand didn’t also order you to stop masturbating as well. And probably break off contact with any friends you have of the opposite sex.
Porn, hell, I’ve given up actual sex and relationships with other people for my SO! 
And no, he never *asked *me to, but he’s fairly solidly monogamous (with perhaps an interest in a congenial threesome or swinging - but I’m not into swinging) and I love him and who I am with him way more than I’ve ever loved being with anyone else, so I made the (non-coerced) choice. I was in a poly relationship when we got together - he was an “other” - so yes, that was a change from the start of our relationship.
However, much like Acid Lamp’s spouse, a request to give up porn would be so out of character for my SO that I’d be worried. Like, brain tumor worried. Of course I’d ask him why, and the actual giving up of porn would be no big deal to me (as long as he wasn’t asking me to give up masturbation; I’m really not that into porn anyhow, but you can have my Silver Bullet when you pry it from my cold, sweaty hands), but I’d be very concerned at the shift in his outlook.
You know, Der, people have standards and other people agree to them. Ain’t nothing wrong with that. If we all thought alike it would be a very boring world indeed.
Relax, it’s just a question. Skald’s not asking you to give up your porn. 
Ooh, I have to change my vote. I said I would agree to this and be successful, but I was thinking in terms of my current relationship and basically how porn doesn’t matter nearly as much to me as my husband. But then I realized the reason that is true is that my husband respects my private life and my personal space, and would never try to control my behavior that way. It would be different if he felt I had an addiction or that it was affecting my ability to relate to him sexually… but otherwise, this would be a tough call for me. I’m going to say it depends entirely on the rationale of the person doing the asking.
I agree with Der Trihs and Hello Again.
I would never give up porn at the request of my husband, even though I actually don’t watch much porn and could happily live w/o it. I agree that it’s controlling, though I do think a request to not spend money on it is perfectly reasonable.
The best way I can describe why I think it’s controlling is because it’s like a free-speech/censorship issue. If it’s legal, ethical and I’m not abusing it, requesting that I abstain from it is a violation of my rights. It would be like him all of a sudden asking me to attend church every Sunday…he knew I was this way when we married and him requesting something different would be a major WTF moment. (And if I were single and dating, it’d be a DTMFA moment. It points to some serious insecurity and self-esteem issues.)
Seriously, if I agreed to that what would be next? Would watching Game of Thrones be out because of the sex and nudity? I’ve gone back to school, would me taking a Human Sexuality class be out because it discusses fetishes? Could I listen to the Savage Love podcasts? What about Gay Pride parades, could I go to those? They have hot men in skimpy clothes! Could I still read Oglaf? Can I go to a bikini bar? The beach? Hooters? What, now I can’t even have wings because I’ll be thinking of Hooters Girls? Yes, slippery slope fallacy but tell me where that first request to restrict your rights ends.
Anyway, my husband is a porn-hound athiest so this is purely an intellectual exercise for me. I hope. 
I’d do it, or at least, I’d try. But it’d be like smoking when I go clubbing - go 6 months without it and then she goes away for a week for work, the kid’s at her Gran’s and it’d be “Oh, look at that, I still remember the URL to VintageEroticaForums…”
Yes, I am really married.
No, this is not a thread about my wife or me.