Wow. Good story.
We got married mostly for practical resons too. We love each other, but marrige is not ‘proof’ of that. But it made our folks happier, everyone got to meet each other, and it was one hell of a good party. What’s not to like?
As for my Wife and I, nothing really changed, except we now file jointly.
I REALLY have to hold my tongue and not introducer her as my ‘First Wife’ “Well, it’s true, and stop hitting me” Joking.
Same, what was weird was people insisting that something had changed even though we both said it hadn’t. Some relatives in both our families started calling her Mrs. Mylastname even though she never changed her name to mine. It was odd to see how people desperately wanted us to fit into some category they could understand. We used to joke it would be funny to get a divorce, but keep every thing else the same just to freak them out.
Heh. My Wife took my name, just to make things simpler. I should have taken hers because it’s a cool name. She kept it as her middle name.
For those who’re still doing the unmarried multi-decade SO thing:
There can be significant inheritance tax advantages to being married. Not so important when you’re both 30, but starts looming larger when you’re both 70. Likewise the process of managing the medical care for each other gets easier if you’re married. That too looms larger as we age.
Heh.
My uncle was a lifelong bachelor. Family lore has it he had his heart broken early and avoided attachment thereafter for decades - until he met a woman who just completely melted his heart. They were together for several years and went to a retirement planner. He said “if you were married, I’d say you could retire next year.”
Six months later they were tying the knot. So happy together. He died of a massive heart attack about seven years ago. We miss him so much.
My husband didn’t talk to my dad. In fact, they didn’t even meet till after we’d eloped. Not that he would have anyway.
Our daughter’s first husband did ask us and I wish I’d told him to pound sand. They didn’t made it to their second anniversary - he was excessively immature for a man in his 30s and it took our daughter a while to see it.
I told him first, not asked. Before I proposed to my wife, I gave him a call, told him what I was up to, and proposed to my wife just a few minutes later.
The situation did not arise as her father was deceased. We had dinner at her mother’s house while we were going out, I don’t remember if it was before or after our formal engagement, but the idea of asking “permission” from either of the parents would have been regarded by all concerned as ridiculous. In any case, I had a warm relationship with her mother so it would not have been an issue.
Just as well that you didn’t. That might have made your daughter less inclined to leave him.
A good friend had a really unfortunate first marriage. None of us liked the first husband, but no one said anything. At a party after the divorce, one of her closer friends asked if it would have made any difference if we’d told her. She said it wouldn’t have. And this way, she didn’t have to separate from any friends.
Talking to my daughter after the divorce, she admitted she wished she hadn’t accepted his proposal in the first place. He kinda put her on the spot, doing it at a restaurant when they were having dinner with a group of friends. I’m sure he thought it was romantic, but he put her in a bad situation where she either said yes or caused a lot of embarrassment. She was ultimately well rid of him.
Sorry for the hijack.
I proposed to the Mrs. in 1980. We were already living together, 1000 miles away from her parents, with whom we both had a good relationship. It never entered our minds that we needed permission. Both sets of parents seemed pleased when we announced our engagement.
I did not.
My daughter’s fiance did ask me for my permission. He said he was an “old-fashioned man.”
I received his message via text.
(I told him that as a new-fangled man myself I did not feel it appropriate for anyone other than my daughter to give permission. But I said I would be delighted to give them both my blessing.)
You win the thread. Kids these days!
I did, because he is an old conservative man who appreciated the courtesy.
I would have got married anyway, even if he said “no”. I mean, his daughter was an independent 32 year old at that point.
Nope.
She’d never been married. She was 51 when we wed.
The very idea never occurred to me.
I also find that “tradition” smacks of some vaguely disgusting idea that the woman’s father has direct ownership of her body and life.
No, thank you.
I was going to say that this sounds like something I’d read in an old etiquette guide. You addressed formal things like fancy invitations to Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirst his last name. I seem to remember there being a guide on when it was proper to not do so for someone who was divorced.
Yup, that’s still the correct mode of address for married/widowed women who prefer it. I addressed letters to my widowed grandmother as “Mrs. Hisfirst Hislastname” until the day she died. Because that’s how she expected to be addressed.
That expectation is a lot rarer than it used to be, though. Nowadays you’re safer defaulting to the two-line format “Mrs./Ms. Herfirst Herlastname, Mr. Hisfirst Hislastname”.
And a divorced ex-wife who still uses the style “Mrs. Hisfirst Hislastname” is a rate bird indeed nowadays. And most likely trying to make a point.
Is anyone still offended by “Ms.”? Because I use it exclusively.
It wouldn’t surprise me if there are some conservative Christians who dislike it, because “Ms.” has roots in the feminist movement, and, I suppose, could be seen as rejecting a visible aspect of marriage (the title “Mrs.”).
I, also, use it exclusively. And I’m looking forward to replacing both Mr and Ms with Mx. (pronounced “mix”.)