Ok, so heres the deal… you meet someone at your local favorite hangout that you’re quite attracted to. You date for some time, everything seems to be going just swimmingly, you make wedding plans and then… you find out that your soon to be spouse is occupied as a pornstar (they managed to be vague about their occupation until just then)… and they don’t intend to change their line of work after the honeymoon.
So do you continue with the marriage plans? Why or why not?
Not a chance. Besides, if you don’t know someone well enough to know what their job is, you shouldn’t be marrying them anyway.
Of course, you should have noticed the obvious warning signs, like the cheesy music that started playing everytime you started getting intimate.
Third point, if she was any good at her job, you would have recognized her to begin with :rolleyes:
I would have no problem with marrying a porn star. Sex is just sex (though sex with love is better). If that is what she wanted to be doing, and was reasonably safe doing it, I would be ok.
I would stop the marriage, however, because she had been dishonest with me about something that important.
I agree completely with obfusciatrist, but would only add that before I finally broke up with her, I’d get her to introduce me to Letha Weapons. Yowza.
This is an unlikely scenario for two reasons. 1) It is highly improbable that I would commit time to any relationship without wondering what the other person does when I am not around. 2) I’m not the marrying type.
However, I would be perfectly willing to marry a porn star, a porn extra, a fluffer, a gardener, a whore, a stripper, an electrician, a shepherd, a cosmonaut, a go-go dancer, etc., provided that person was lovable and of such strength, pride, and character that he or she would not be definable by his or her occupation.
I suspect that the root of your inquiry is whether or not I would be jealous. Nope. Not one bit. By the time the conversation turns to marriage, it would be pretty clear that I have already won his or her heart. After that point, jealousy is an extremely childish waste of emotional energy. The type of person that I would be capable of loving is not the type of person who is incapable of separating personal and professional life. Home is home. Work is work. Fun is fun.
What about the fact that in her line of work, there is a chance that she could bring home a STD? Your love could have possibly been putting your health at risk while she was witholding information. Sounds like some trust issues should have been resolved long ago.
Depends, if it was softcore or hardcore porn.
If it was the former then it would also depend, how much I actually love the person. If it was “true love” and she just did not tell me because she was afraid it would ruin the relationship I could see where she was coming from. If it was really true love then I would countinue with the marriage.
If it was hardcore, forget about it, it would be hard to do but lines must be drawn.
I should have been more clear I guess, as probably all porn movies would involve some sort of intercourse. If it was playboy style posing or maybe even lesbian I could live with it, but not with another man.
I haven’t really thought about this so I can’t really give you an honest answer. But something has got me to thinking.
That’s a really interesting choice of words.
I don’t think I could marry somebody who felt that she had to hide her occupation from me, especially if she let the relationship get to the point of actually planning the wedding before she told me. Yeah, I would have some issues to work out with her job ;), but if she didn’t believe strongly enough in me and our relationship, nor have the personal strength to believe that I would eventually be ok with it, she’s not the kind of person I would want to marry.
I’m not saying that I would expect my wife to tell me everything about herself…but working as a porn star is pretty significant, IMHO.
Some good responses so far. I’m surprised no one has mentioned anything about the social stigma that many people associate with the porn industry and its workers. Does what your friends/family think about the relationship make no difference whatsoever?
For those people who say, “sex is sex, no big deal” would it be any big deal if someone propositioned him/her for sex outside of his/her work and he/she accepted? I want to make it clear that I’m not taking any stance on the issue, I’m just curious. I’m sure that porn stars (probably female more than male ones) have encountered numerous people looking for sexual favors outside of a business context.
Grim Beaker
So, if it’s a jealousy thing and your completely incapable of thinking of her with another man for fear that she will leave you in favor of someone else, why would you not be afraid that she might leave you for another woman? If you fear that she will leave you for someone else, how could you possibly feel justified in marrying this person? Obviously no trust or love is actually present in this hypothetical relationship, so why bother?
Grim_Beaker,
So, is the question what this person does for work or what this person does in his or her free time? Is your assumption that porn stars are more likely to offer sexual favors to people at random? Sure, they have sex with more people than most of us, but that’s their job description, right? If this person has no self control and is just giving it away to anybody who asks, what kind of loser would you have to be to even think about marriage?
Social stigma? What other people think has very little to do with who I choose to love and who I choose to hate. It would be unfortunate if I was no longer able to hang out with the friends I currently have because they did not respect my spouse. However, if those friends disrespect her just because of the job that she does, they probably aren’t worthy of my friendship anyway. Screw ‘em.
Tymp,
The original intent of the post was to determine whether or not having the occupation of a pornstar would dissuade the readers here from proceeding with the marriage plans. I just thew in the second question out of curiosity. So your original post answered the first question perfectly (you didn’t misinterpret the intent), the second post was an afterthought.
Grim Beaker
[smartass]
Tymp! You are very open-minded. Marrying an electrician- Wow! I mean- Wow!
[/smartass]
just thought that was an odd member of the group, that’s all.
How come one isn’t surprised to see these two statements written by the same person?
As far as I am concerned I would need to postpone the wedding indefinatly until I got a handle on what this means? It is quite a bombshell…
I’m with Tymp on this one. Love is love. It overwhelms you, swallows you and refuses to let you go. If you are with a person who deserves you, can handle your spirit and is just as dedicated to you as you are to them, the rest of society can go hang.
What makes me happy without damaging others is mine to enjoy, social stigma or no. If my beloved adores his porn star job and he’s protecting me from any STDs, I’m cool. As long as he calls if he’s going to be home late. (This bring a whole new meaning to “something came up at the office…” sorry.)
Don’t laugh at the electrician bit, Wonko, a guy I was flirting with asked my major and he was horrified that I was actually going to make a living in engineering. Ended that flirting session.
“You can’t work as an engineer!”
“Watch me. Watch me from further away, actually. Much further. Thank you.”
There was a story arc on Sportsnight last season about this. Jeremy, the dorky but babe-magnet assistant producer (whom I secretly envy for dumping the gorgeous Natalie, but anyway) met a porn star at a bar, and recognised her. It took him a day or two to realise how and why he recognised her.
Once he did so, though, he was unable to date her, and regretted it. Personally, I’d date one, and even marry one, especially if we were in love together and she brought some of her co-workers home for dinner some nights. 
Hey, Linda Lovelace is married!
Yeah, I would marry a porno star but I wouldnt have sex with her.
Tymp, its one thing for just sexual touching, even if it was a man doing it also (but not intercourse), I wouldn’t mind. The thing is, you dont find many porn movies with a man, woman, and no real sex; at least not that i’m aware of. IMHO, sexual intercourse is the most private and special thing two people can share, if she wants to get paid to do it dozens of times thats another thing. Once again, if it was true love I wouldn’t worry about her leaving me for another man, but just the whole issue in itself.