This is based on a famous Nelson Algren quote that came up recently in another thread. But the more famous version (and that quoted in the thread) is advice to a man to be wary of such a woman. I see from looking around a bit that the original may have been gender neutral, but at any rate the “… a woman …” version seems to be more common.
So the question is: is there a difference?
I would speculate that their might be. Because women are more relationship oriented, on average, and as a result are more likely to lean on the relationship to help them deal with their troubles. So that her troubles are pretty soon going to be his troubles. A similarly troubled man might be more inclined to keep it to himself and the impact on his spouse/partner might be less (though there could be some less visible impact).
I think this advice should apply equally to both genders. (The voice of experience speaking.) There are some troubles that a man cannot “keep to himself,” like being out of work, being an alcoholic/drug addict, being depressed, having nutso and destructive parents/siblings/other family. The impact of those troubles will be highly visible. YMMV.
OMG. Me too, ThelmaLou. Having spent way too much time with men with whom I should not have spent time, I suggest that this saying should be/is perfectly gender neutral.
You can flip it the other way, too: because a woman is more likely to be economically dependent on a man to provide for herself and her children, a man with troubles is less likely to be able to provide and should be avoided.
As always, it’s much more about individuals than stark gender differences (and the nature of the troubles, of course).
Of course. And I wasn’t thinking of major issues like no job or drug/alcohol abuse either - these are obviously going to influence everyone in such a relationship. I was thinking more along the lines of relatively minor issues like having a difficult boss or the like.