Martial Arts Stories

By popular demand (okay, by Sylence’s request) I will be posting some martial arts stories. Primarily, from testing, but maybe some others. If anybody else has any stories to share bring 'em on in!

So here is the first one. A little story I like to call “Punching Bag 1, Karate Man 0”.

My black belt test lasts two days. The first day starts with a lot of exercise, kata and a bit of free sparring. The second day has lots of sparring and lots of kata. Well, we were warming up for the second day of a test and one testee was kicking the punching bag. He must have be really pumped up because he was doing a bunch of jump kicks (I don’t know where he was finding the energy). Well, the bag was getting a little old and on one kick he actually kicked his way into the bag, his foot got stuck and he fell to the floor banging his head and pulling his leg a little. Although he wasn’t severely injured he was dizzy enough and sore enough that he couldn’t test.

More later.

“Glitch … Anything.” - Bob the Guardian

So, does the bag get a belt, for that?

<p align=“center”>Tris</p>

I wish I had of thought of giving the bag a belt. That would have been even funnier!

Here is a tale I call “Ahh, so that’s your special move”

When awarding new belts I like to give the belt a nice good tug so it is good a tight. Of course, my students take it as a test of who can take the nice tight tug with the least reaction (apparently, they have a subjective betting pool going, but I don’t know anything about that). Well, there was one student getting his black belt that most certainly lost. When I tied his black belt on and gave it a tug he farted! Nice a big loud fart, just a little peep of one. Of course, nobody knew whether it was okay to disturb the “solemn” moment of getting your black belt with laughter, so everybody including myself was holding it in, quite badly I will add. The new black belt turned at least 50 shades or red and purple!

“I always get the last hit”

The origin of giving the belt I nice tight yank dates back several years ago. I, like my instructor, am always the last person that a black belt testee has to spar. Well, in this match the student got a very good kick to my head and knocked me down. When he was getting his belt he whispered to me “I got you pretty good, sensei” (I was sensei back then). I whispered back “Yes, but I always get in the last shot.” back tightened up his belt. Being the first time I had done this it caught him completely by surprise and he let out a nice “Gurk” sound.

Of course, after the next round of testing one of the more macho students “complained” that I hadn’t “tested” his strength him like the guy before him. That was how the belt tightening thing got started.

“Glitch’s First Test”

My very first test for 9th kyu was when I was much younger than I am now (22 years ago). Although I am still quite flexible I had great flexibility back then. I could kick and strike an object on my shoulder. Well, during the test we were doing high front kicks at a pad. We were to take a kick with each leg then run around the gym. I hit with the first kick, and hit with the second kick too … but not the pad. I had missed the pad, and due to my enthusiasm (sp?) had lowered my head (probably why I missed). Being so flexible the result was a beautiful front kick to my own face! My instructor didn’t realize this, and as I stood there stunned and feeling my face he yells “What are you waiting for? Run around the gym!” … so I did.

When, I got back to my turn at the pad my instructor noticed a my dogi was covered with blood. I had split the inside of my lip with the kick, and it was bleeding fairly badly (bad enough for some stitches and missed school. Hooray!). I got my belt too even though I missed the rest of the test at the hospital.

I took martial arts classes when I was in HS, and I also took it in college to fill my phys ed requirement. It was the best exercise ever! I often think about enrolling again, but I con’t afford it right now. Also, I am painfully, painfully shy and I HATE doing things in front of a big group. My dream would be able to afford private lessons. Glitch, what would it take to get ya to come down here and teach me? How about discounted vet care? :slight_smile:

I crave an art that passionately transcends the mundane instead of being a device for self-deception.–Griffin, from The Griffin and Sabine trilogy.

I went to the UK Karate Championships once, accompanied by a black belt.

The bouts were incredibly fast, but they had replays on TV monitors, so it was fascinating.

In one bout, one girl actually connected. I didn’t realise what was going on, as the victim was just gently swaying. My friend explained she was concussed, but her balance was so good that she hadn’t fallen immediately. The referee instantly stopped the fight and moved behind the victim as she slowly collapsed. The other girl looked terribly upset, and lost the bout (as contact is forbidden).

The whole thing impressed me immensely. It made wrestling look like a joke and boxing look nasty.

When I was taking Tae Kwon Do, we had a guy who for some reason (I did not ask him and do not know why) only had one testicle. He also chose not to wear a protective cup to protect the one he had. Others who were sparring him had a nasty habit of kicking a little slower than he and he would often (most every night) get kicked in his one family jewel.

He later had at least two children, so I know he was not messed up too badly.


Believe it or not, but when I was in high school I was not particularly thought of as athletic.

One night we had a couple of popular/athletic type guys decide to come to karate. I had been taking for over a year and was almost a green belt.

He was being a bit cocky and kind of implying that I could not beat him sparing even though he had never had any martial arts training. He asked how high I could kick. He was about 6’2" and I told him to stand still. I put a side kick about an 1" from his nose and held it. After that he decided that it might not be wise to assume that I could not kick his butt.