OK, so tonight, after having performed in Romeo and Juliet, and being quite emotionally and physically exhausted, I went out for coffee with some friends, one of whom decided to be a total bitch, and who has been doing so lately. I know that this friendship actually does have some merit (just trust me) and that my scattered emotional and mental state have probably just made me extra sensitive lately, especially tonight, after a very emotional performance experience. Anyway, I got online after getting home, and we started arguing, and she signed off. In a rage, I wrote a rather vicious email, which I have decided not to send, as I think it would cause a lot of damage to an already uneasy relationship, and I know that this conversation will be continued soon, when we’re both calmer. Frankly, I know I’m being over the top here. I’m still freaked out, and need to put this someplace. Names have been changed to protect the bitch, and this other chick she has a crush on. Let’s get on with it.
FUCK YOU!! What the fuck are you? You are nothing. You have no fucking love for anyone, you can’t even manage to be a decent person to those who care about you. You are a fucking nothing. A FUCKING NOTHING. Nobody means shit to you, and sooner or later you won’t mean shit to anybody. Nobody can put up with you twisting the fucking knife forever, fucking power-tripping bitch. Fuck you.
The fucking nerve. I come off of doing something incredibly hard, something powerful and beautiful, and it tears me up, but you can’t pause for a second. You never think that it might hurt to take a howl of pain from a night when I was vomiting on account of the hurt caused by your bullshit games and make it a joke. And then it’s my fault? My fucking fault that I didn’t tell you, at a time when I was emotionally ripped wide open, not to just fucking stab me with the first thing you can grab?
And when that upsets me you’re back to the same shit. It’s my fault, right? I bring out the worst in you. Is there any fucking good in you? Any part of you that might bring comfort to someone hurting, or are you all just power-trips and self-serving emotional bullshit games? I bet you’d fake some sympathy real good for S, because she’s got what you want. You don’t fucking deserve it. You don’t deserve any of it. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU SO MUCH FOR DOING THIS TO ME. I CANNOT HANDLE THIS NOW.
Does any of this fucking hurt? Does anything get through to R, or are you all just fucking impervious armor with your fake fucking smiles and your “What is up, yo” hiding it? Fucking break, R, I hope you fucking break like I have, and I hope you just fucking crumble under that. Fucking crumble, bitch. Fuck you.
This is the most hateful shit I’ve ever written to anyone, and I doubt it will even touch you in any way. But if you value our friendship in any way, it should. It should let you know how you treat your fucking friends, let you see what you fucking do, and it should fucking tear you up. You deserve it. It should tear you up and let you see so fucking clear that you don’t want to show your face, because you know what you fucking are. You fucking hurt me worse than the motherfuckers who held me down with a fucking glove in my mouth to stop the screaming and fucking raped me. You hurt worse, and so I judge you worse. You are lower than that fucking scum, and you should know it.