So what did Jamie Bufalino say to the woman?
I really must re-up my subscription…
Speaking as a woman, I have alot of completely out there fantasies that involve situations that I would never rationally place myself in.
I also can’t imagine I’m the only woman who has ever had something bordering on a rape fantasy.
While I’m sure there are all sorts of psychological “easter eggs” in my brain for this fantasy, I’m also sure that if I were to actually find myself a victim of “tall stranger in a dark alley” rape, I would be completely sick and beside myself with horror.
I’m shocked at people who only think about what they would actually do. I’m not sure if it’s that they’re fairly “vanilla” in thought or fairly “wtf” in action. :eek:
As one of those who has done virtually everything he has ever fantasized, I can assure you…I am anything but vanilla.
Ah, well there’s your problem.
You’ve got your terms mixed up. As a farmer once told me after I used the wrong term “Hay is the green stuff horses eat, this (pointing to a straw bail) is straw”
I’d imagine hay would be less scratchy on your skin then the bailed up stuff you see around halloween time.
Still, though, her point about rape fantasies is a pretty good one because that’s a really common fantasy. I’m not saying your sex life isn’t all dirty and nasty, but obviously there are naughty things that a lot of us fantasize about that apparently you don’t.
Perhaps there are certain fantasies we don’t share. My comment was in answer to her shock at people that fantasize about what they would do and assuring her that it hardly means the person is of a vanilla nature.
His answer is, as usual, 90% annoying filler, and 10% relevant answer. Basically he says he personally thinks her fantasy is icky, but not to worry about it.
Forgot to mention that he suggests she try fantasizing about more attractive people. :rolleyes: I don’t know why I bother reading this crap. Give me Savage Love any day.
The English major in me wants to publicly apologize for using the phrase “make more sense” in the opening and closing sentences of the same paragraph. :smack:
And the word “answer” twice in the same sentence. :smack: :smack:
And posting 3 times in a row. :smack: :smack: :smack:
These are good indications that I need to sign off the SDMB and do something else.
To me “I’m in a committed relationship.” is one of very few reasons not to act on a sexual fantasy. “I don’t think she’s interested.” is the generally the only thing stopping me. Occasionally, it’s “I don’t think they’re interested”. I’m a bit confused by people who desire something, but don’t want it to happen. If the relevant people are able to legally consent (including but not limited to- sobriety, sanity, and being of legal age), do so, and are either single or have the informed consent of their partner or partners for the relevant acts, we have protection and any necessary props or locales, I’m going for it.
In general, I find it much easier to do something and live with the consequences than to not do it and live with the regrets.
Well, if your fantasy is to lick whipped cream off your partner’s nipples, that’s something to try. Some people - a lot of people, judging by stuff I’ve read - have fantasies that are inherently not Safe, Sane, and Consentual.
And obviously there’s also legitimate reasons why perfectly ordinary fantasies might not be tried out - if I was in a committed relationship, and he was simply squicked by dressing like Miss Piggy and crushing grapes with high-heeled boots, then I might decide I’d rather have the relationship than enjoy every hedonic desire I might feel. Sure, there’s something to be said for being GGG, but some relatively common fantasies are still a huge turn-off to others. I simply would not be able to participate in someone’s infantilist fantasies, for instance. If it’s a major sexual fetish, then you plan your relationships around it. If it’s just a weird fantasy you want to try out, it might not be worth it. Others, as mentioned before, simply aren’t going to be as good in reality as in fantasy. It might be hot to think about pulling a train with an entire college football team, but in reality by number four or five you’re gonna have serious chafing issues and sore muscles . . .
And then, like I said, some fantasies just can’t be fulfilled in a Safe, Sane, Consentual way. People who don’t recognize that, frankly, obviously do only have fantasies a good deal more vanilla than mine.
Only one of those three is really a concern for me. Saftey? Well I say we should all wear goggles and make sure we’re at the proper potential. But some risk is acceptable.
Sanity? My sex life is as sane as the rest of my activities. I don’t know what “sane” is even doing in this list. “Today, A jury determined that Doc Cathode can not have sex by reason of insanity.”
Consentual? Oh, absolutely.
So, as we can see the only reason that I, in a Victorian double breasted lab smosk and jackboots, together with my assistant Shegor, cannot bring life to Frauleinstein using the miracle of electrity and then have an incredible three way while massive arcs of electricity pass through our bodies- all while an audience watches is that I can’t afford the props, sets or costumes, and more importantly I cannot find two consenting bisexual women and a consenting audience.
I think this “fantasizing about things you’d find repulsive in real life” is something that’s more common with women than with men. I think I understand why someone would have such a fantasy, but it doesn’t work that way for me.
Darth Vader’s Little Pal said most of her fantasies are like porno movies starring people other than herself. That’s true of most of my fantasies too. However, when I fantasize about things I’m participating in, it’s nearly always something I’d like to try in real life.
Well, I often (read: almost always) fantasize about past sexual partners, often actual specific instances of sex that were real good so they stand out in my mind. Most of these partners are ex-girlfriends that I have no desire to actually have sex with again.
The woman of my dreams has only my desires to deal with, and that is what she is interested in. Then, in the morning, I don’t have to deal with what a shallow, and unfulfilling life that has turned into for her. (Come to think of it, I am not all that sure I have ever heard her voice.)
I don’t even want to actually meet her, she is dreadfully dependent, and hopelessly unable to build a place for herself in the real world. She’s a great fuck, though. Hasn’t aged a day in forty years, either. Doesn’t seem to notice that I have. She may not be that stupid, but it really wouldn’t matter.
Way to much information here.
Tris
I’m back. Heh. Sorry.
DocCathode, while I don’t object to the discussion you’re having, it doesn’t apply to my OP. This poll is asking people whether or not they get off on things they do not desire. Just because I find something sexy doesn’t mean that I want to do it - not because of the social/financial/political/hygenic consequences, but because I simply do not want to do it, period. So, your parsing the various reasons why or how one could make the fantasy come true doesn’t apply. See?
Your and cuauhtemoc’s responses - among others on this thread - seem to bear out my original suspicion that this splits generally along gender lines. Innnnteressting…
I cannot understand this. ‘I have a sexual fantasy which I do not ever want to live out, not for any reason I can explain but just because.’
No, there is a reason: it gets me off when I masturbate. Not the thought of doing the act, but by imagining a situation in which people do, and enjoy, it. Clear now?
It sounds like you’re somebody who fantasizes exclusively about yourself doing things. While I, and others on this board, fantasize more about totally imaginary people doing things. That might be the root of the misunderstanding.
Yeah, I do sometimes fantasize about other people; another nice thing about fantasy as compared with reality is the ability to move into the heads of other participants at will.
Can I hijack a bit by asking a question? There’s a sort of stereotype that women care more about the situation than men - contextless fucking (or what-have-you) as opposed to backstory. Is that true? Because for me, at least, my fantasies are sometimes pretty complex - there’s backstory, a large cast of characters (usually played by either hot guys I know or various celebrities, but their characters don’t necessarily have anything to do with the real-life people), often events taking place over a long period of time. More like a story or a movie. Is that atypical for a guy? Do a lot of women have fantasies that complex? Do I obviously need more real sex in my life if I have time to write screenplays while jerking off? 
As the OP, I hereby grant permission.
In my case, the fucking is pretty contextless. It’s actually kind of embarassing how similar to porn they can be. Not much more sophisticated than the “Gee, how am going to pay for that pizza?” variety. :o