I’m more of a RACK sort of gal, myself. (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink.)
Somebody just saw Drowsy Chaperone!
holds breath realizing this joke is either going to kill or die trying
So, for example, you don’t like watersports but are aroused by imagining Tammi and the Domino’s guy engaging in watersports?
I’m confused by this.
Precisely!! Well, not watersports, per se, but you get the concept. Why is it still confusing?
Say you have a girlfriend who confesses one night that while pleasuring herself yesterday, she thought about Tammi and the Domino’s Guy peeing on each other. Assuming it’s something she wants, you proceed to relieve your bladder onto her stomach during sex. She screams, jumps up, shouts “what the $%^&* are you doing?!?!” and storms out. You are: 
The point is, you fellas need to understand that some of us might find some things exciting in the imagination, or even watching them depicted in porn or somesuch, but do NOT assume that we have any desire to realize these things in real life. On the other hand, don’t assume that we don’t want to realize the fantasies either. The only way you’ll know for sure is to ask.
…see? we’re fighting ignorance here!..
I understand what you’re saying, but remain baffled by the phenomenon you describe. Being aroused by the thought of people doing something you have no desire to do is a very strange concept to me. The desire to keep a fantasy strictly a fantasy not out of fear of consequences etc confuses me. I feel like you’ve said something in another language. I can parrot it back, but have no idea what it means. Why are you aroused by practices you have no desire to participate in? If there is no concrete reason, why not live out your sexual fantasies?
I had a friend that just could not understand this about me. He was convinced that I secretly wanted to act out those fantasies – why else would I continuously fantasize about them?
To me, a lot of sexual fantasies are just that, fantasies. Yeah, I also fantasize about normal stuff, but most of it is stuff that I don’t want to do or physically can’t do. I have a vivid imagination, I like to think about things that couldn’t possibly be real and nor would I want them to. Some of my friends who are the same as me say that they think it would be very dull to only fantasize about things that they could actually do. What’s the point of fantasizing about them? They say. I wouldn’t say that those people are dull, just like I don’t think that I am in denial of my true sexual stuff; sexual fantasizes are very person and everyone goes about them in different ways.
It’s quite common for women to fantasize about raped. When this was brought up in my recent bio of sex class, one of the guys was every confused and said “So some women like to be raped?” Of course not! As the professor and many text books and articles have explained, women who have these fantasizes report their feelings and emotions during these fantasies as being very different from actually being raped. None of these women secretly wish to be raped unless it is done in a play acting scenario with a trusted partner. Unlike in real rape, the woman in the rape fantasy has complete control of the situation. Furthermore, a lot of women who have rape fantasies don’t put themselves in the fantasy, but watch in their fantasies, feeling the emotions of both the individuals.
I have both voyeuristic fantasies and fantasies where I am involved. The voyeuristic fantasies are more common. A lot of the times I will be male. My friend took this as my secret desire to want to be male but I don’t. One of the reasons I like to have sexual fantasies/dreams where I am having sex in a male body is because I’ll never have a male body. I know what it’s like to have sex in a female body, but I don’t know what it’s like to have sex in a male body and the thoughts of how that may feel are highly erotic and interesting.
I have many fantasies that I would never, ever act out in real life and the idea of doing so is repulsive to me. One of these is being a rapist. I would never, ever rape anyone, I have a lot of friends who have been raped and I’ve seen what it can do to people. In my rape fantasies I am a big strong male which is something that I’ll never be and nor do I want to be.
I am a member of a community which is composed of women who like to read sexual comics written by women for women. Rape is very common in these comics, so much that we like to joke that, in [comic]-land, the best way to start a relationship is through rape. A lot of times the rape victim will end up falling in love with the rapist. When these comics are posted they have warnings at the top so people who aren’t into non-consensual sex in a fantasy setting know to avoid them. Based on the number of comics posted that feature rape and how many people respond to them positively, I’d say that it is one of the most common “kinks,” the other being BDSM.
Just in case this was addressed to me, I believe you and Darth Vader’s Pal when you say you don’t want to act on your fantasies. I just don’t understand. My father tells me he likes borscht. I believe him. I still cannot understand how anybody could enjoy a bowl of beet chunks in beet juice.
But, I can understand why that fantasy isn’t often acted upon. Fantasies allow for control, comfort and saftey. Even acting out the fantasy with a trusted partner could be frightening, or otherwise unpleasant. Many men also feel unpleasant playing the part of a rapist.
I’m with you Doc, I don’t get it either.
I’m with the OP on this subject. My fantasies are of a similar nature to hers-- does that make me a wannabe voyeur? Maybe, though I’ve never acted on it, and wouldn’t.
As for fantasizing about something unpleasant that gets you off: when I was a teen-ager, an ugly old priest made a pass at me. I yelled at him “Dirty old man!”-- and took of in anger and embarrassment. He was wearing a cassock, and I swear that for years after that, just thinking of a cassock would get me off right away when I was involved in “solitary pursuits.”
I don’t understand it myself, so I can hardly expect others to do so.
I do the same thing Excalibre. Sometimes I just have pure porn fantasies, but most of the time it involves my “characters” in complex, detailed situations. I occasionally have sex dreams that are very detailed where I will either be an impartial observer or I will be one of the characters, yet I will know things my character doesn’t (like what i look like). In one, I was a rebel warrior who was fighting to take back his castle which had been overthrown in a coop while he was away. I was captured by the enemy and tortured for information. While being tortured, I got a glimpse of an individual who I had had a crush on years before (but never told him). I thought he had died in the attack until I saw him. My rebels managed to free me and I returned later to rescue him and have really good sex with him. After I woke, I went through the dream in my head many times later, adding in more details and imaging more sex between them.
I recall the text from that class saying that this is more common in females than males, but I can’t find a good online cite for it. I’ve also read that it’s more common for females to have emotionally involved fantasies than men. This is the primary reason why I fantasize about other people, I can feel both of the individual’s emotions as I fantasize about them. I feel the rapist’s power and the victim’s helplessness, all of it safely under my control.
Personally, my fantasies became less frequent, less interesting and less important once I had long term sexual (and emotional) relationships. I can only conclude that some of you ain’t getting ‘it’ as regularly as you want it??
And I can only conclude that you like making smug judgements about other people’s sex lives based on your own psychological tendences.
When I dated a 40ish womam I had fantasies about her and her 20ish daughter, together, with me.
This is something I would NEVER try to make happen in real life, as there’d be a one in a billion chance of making it happen, but a billion to one chance in favor of destroying good relationships I had with both.
If THEY suddenly offered the chance to me, I would probably be too weirded out about participating in incest to go along.
Probably.
Um…
heh - yeah!
By the time I was 16, there was **nothing **that a guy could do with another guy that I hadn’t fantasized about. This in spite of the fact that I was still a virgin, and hadn’t heard about any sex except strictly hetero vanilla (this was over 40 years ago). So, since I wasn’t interested in hetero and/or vanilla, I just started inventing things on my own. Imagine my surprise, years later, to discover that people actually did these things, and enjoyed doing them.
I can’t imagine having fantasies that are limited to things I’d actually do in real life. What’s the point of having fantasies if we have to put limits on them, the way we have to put limits on real-life activities? I can fantasize about rape (as rapist or victim or onlooker), and the fantasy has nothing whatsoever to do with anything outside the fantasy; and the interest is over, when the fantasy is over. It’s self-limiting, unlike a real-life rape that has life-long repercussions.
I wonder what it’s like to be so indifferent to sex that you’re no longer interested in other possibilities when you’re in a relationship . . .
Very well said, kimera. The other day I was musing over how popular rape fantasies seem to be among women who have been sexually victimized in one way or another and this very same revelation hit me.
I can see the whole thing happen from the rapists point of view, I can see it from an onlookers point of view and I can turn it into whatever I’d like from the victims point of view. That’s a pretty powerful feeling and is maybe a way for a woman to work through some very complex emotions surrounding balance of sexual power.
What I can’t explain is why the fantasy shatters almost immediately upon climax. Maybe once my not-about-to-climax brain takes over, it doesn’t feel bold or safe enough to think about anything so taboo. Who knows.
Who said anything about indifference to sex?!
I just think that if you have many unexplored fantasies or you don’t get much sex on a regular basis, your fantasies are much more explicit and important.
I’m with the OP on this one, and I’m a girl. But I also do what kimera and Excalibre describe: I have some rather detailed storylines that I refer back to time and again, sometimes embellishing, but always with an emotional involvement.
No, yours are. One of the points of this thread is the mistake of assuming that other people think the same way you do.
Another thing I’ve noticed are the different definitions of “fantasy.” Some people seem to think that “fantasy” is equivalent to “secret desire.” Others (including my OP) define it as “movie playing in my head,” and may have as little to do with what you actually want to experience in your real life as Clerks II. It is therefore understandable why some are confused.
I just have to add that this is my first thread to go into a second page. whee! and with that, I surely have just killed the thread. 