Agree with Coldfire, 100% (it’s a hero worship kinda thing I suppose).
I see nothing wrong with posting the emails in these circumstances.
“If there’s anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.”
Brian, I am surprised! I thought things were great. I’m so sorry. If I could send you a big box of chocolates,I would. And that might help a little,not much,but,just pigging out on some good Russell Stovers,have some local friends over,commisserate. I hope you’ll be doing better each day.And…I know your views on religion,but I will be praying for you! 
Let’s preface the rest of the email with a note saying that my ex dumped me horribly after 5.5 years together. It was incredibly unexpected and hurt even more. I actually lived with him for a year after he broke up with me; although, I slept in a seperate bed (he actually kept sleeping on my bed) in another room.
I’m sorry for that Satan. I thought that you and Heather had a really good relationship going. Oh, it’s not “time” that heals all wounds, it’s “thyme”. It makes a wonderful voodoo doll when melted in wax. Surprisingly enough, voodoo dolls are very fulfilling. The power of the voodoo doll is up for debate, but not here. Just think of it as all the evil wishes that you would like to do and then do them…preferrably with hot pokers and other fine implements.
I don’t know Heather, but this advice would also work for her. I just wish the best for both of you even though it seems that your lives will be seperate from now on.
Satan, it also might help if you burn her strap on. 
BIG HUGS!
Sqrl
Gasoline: As an accompaniement to cereal it made a refreshing change. Glen Baxter
Repeat after me: Fuck it! Repeat as necessary.
And, I agree with Sealemon. Be glad that it hadn’t progressed any further. Just think of the devastation if there had been a (shudder) marriage involved.
Been there. Still paying the financial and emotional bills.
It’s kind of funny. After my divorce, alot of my friends started saying things like “What the hell did you see in her, anyway?” and “She wouldn’t’ve been a good match for you in the long run.”
And you know what? I believe them now. They’re right. I was too good for her.
You’ll do better, too.
May I recommend an excellent site for random post-breakup venting?
http://www.angry.net
(BTW, if you think YOU’VE been used, check out the entries under “hypocritical ex-boyfriends” and “WCWL Systems.” Gawd, it felt good to write those…)
“Don’t take life too serious, son – it ain’t nohow permanent.”
Sorry to hear about the breakup, Satan. you should know by now that Persephone is the only one for you …
Really though, I’ve received a couple of nut-kickings like that, and I sympathize. I don’t know much about your (ex)relationship, but the way she ended it was poorly done.
School is out on the emails you posted. Yes, they were relevant to the situation. However, you probably shouldn’t have posted them verbatim, just 'coz it would show a little extra class. Summarizing them for us would have been fine. However, what’s done is done, and I’m sure you’re feeling shitty enough right now that not every decision you make will be the best one. I think we should let them stand.
What say we start up a He-Man Woman-Haters Club? It worked for the Little Rascals. Then again, I don’t hate women – just the ones who treat me like crap. Perhaps we could rename the club something more PC, like Survivors of Lunatic Exes – that way it’s unisex. A good place for people who know better to hook up.
–Da Cap’n
“Playin’ solitaire 'til dawn
With a deck of fifty-one.”
Brian,
Double dittos on Rysdad’s post.
You may recall a couple of posts I’ve made over the last month or so referring to my ex as Evil Incarnate. She was (and still is if she’s still alive), and, yes, I know how it feels to be blind to that fact and suddenly wake up.
The emotional need for revenge is very strong, I know. But I think of it this way: the best revenge I can ever have is the knowledge that she will have to live the rest of her life with her sorry, bitter, and angry self, and that I don’t have to. This is a very liberating attitude.
A little righteous anger is also helpful, as long as bitterness does not overwhelm you for too long (and only you can know what is ‘too long’ for your situation). I think the details of this anger should be expressed to close friends and family, and not so much on a public forum.
If I may suggest, IMO it is better to stick with generalities on a public forum such as this, rather than a blow by blow description of who done what wrong. Due to the nuances of a relationship, there is no way to effectively attack, accuse, and counter without coming across as petty, or worse. I hope this does not degenerate into a Pit-type breakup battle. That would be beneath you, I think.
Satan: Man, I’m really sorry. Especially her breaking up with you in an email. This is akin to breaking up on an answering machine. And don’t start kicking yourself in the butt over feeling badly about this situation; right now you say she wasn’t worth it but you have lost someone that at one time was important to you. Grieve. Get sad. Get angry. Cry. Then, after all that, you will get over it. I think this on top of the loss of your mother is what is making it seem more painful. Death has a way of echoing and enlarging other pain.
You have shared a tremendous amount of this relationship with us out here so I’m not all that surprised you posted her emails to you. It’s like the last page in a novel; we’d be damn mad if they were torn out. Besides, it’s your call what you wish to share. I’ve shared some things about my supposed friend that she would DIE over if she ever found out. My friend swore to leave this place to me so if she gets offended, it’s her own damn fault. I guess I’m wondering if Heather will still show up out here. If she does, she’s going to be upset about those emails. I wonder if you had that in the back of your mind as you posted them? Yes, a little bit of mambo and revenge!
Nothing wrong with that either. No, it’s not very adult but after her very juvenile dismissal of you I can see why you might want to do the same. Hell, we’re all human and we have all that nastiness in there… it comes out sometimes. But I don’t see you as an overall “just plain nasty” person. You run the gamut of human emotions and we’re just seeing one of them.
I don’t think you are going to see a lot of hate on this thread as some posters have said (or hoped). I don’t think anyone, save Heather, is going to leap in here and rip you a new one. Anyway, my best to you. I know you are not feeling to great right now so I’ll refrain from grabbing your ass. But how about a twirl on my shoulder? Might make you feel better.
Best!
Byz
Revenge, in it’s literal sense, isn’t the best way to go, but you could try writing things down. (That website sounds great).
I went camping with a girlfriend whose fiance also dumped her (our exs were friends and dumped us on the same day) and we took all of our pictures of them and burned them in the fire. We wore black veils and drank our asses off.
I would say the best revenge is the dumper knowing that you’ve moved on with your life and that they didn’t beat you down.
“They have the internet on computers now.”–Homer J. Simpson
Satan,
I am sorry about what happened. Life can be pretty screwed up at times. But things will get better !
And don’t worry about putting your life on the 'net, anyone who knows me can tell you that I will discuss almost anything, anytime.
I have, on this board alone talked about my first husband’s suicide, the disease I have,
my tattoos, and my sex life.
This place is much cheaper than therapy !
Ayesha - Lioness
You sound reasonable. Must be time to up my medication.
Brian,
I have no advice…you will probably feel lousy for a time.
From your posts, I can tell you are a kind, intelligent person and if there is any justice in this world you will meet someone who is more appropriate, more secure, and less needy. I hope it’s sooner and not later.
Not to be overly mean, but does this mean one less poster on SDMB that posts things that are difficult to read?
Well, shut my mouth. It’s also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling.
Trust…is it only important to you in a “relationship”? Are you saying that its ok to betray someone if they don’t behave in the way you want them to? Sorry Satan but you have shown yourself by your actions to be someone unworthy of trust.
Quarterat, how do you figure?
I apologize for jumping in here and if you all would prefer I shut the h*ll up, I will, but it seems to me, that considering how much of the relationship was shared by BOTH of them on this board, that she should have known (unless completely dense) that the topic would be discussed here, and most likely, the emails shared. If she didn’t want the emails C&P’d, then she should have TOLD HIM IN PERSON, NOT IN EMAIL.
And frankly, I don’t see whose trust Satan would be betraying. Seems to me HE is the one who got screwed counterclockwise…
:::slinking off to go mmob:::
My sympathies Satan, I wish I could help, but I know it’s not possible.
On a slightly different note, am I the only person on this thread who’s ever broken up with someone in a less than ideal (and yes, cowardly) manner. I can’t believe everyone here is an angel.
I did it 'cos I was frightened of confrontation, didn’t want to see the pain i’d caused (sanctimonious I know) etc etc
But you’ll be glad to know i’ve been on the receiving end of nasty dumpings too.
Actually, i think now i’d prefer an email or letter, that way there’s no chance of humiliating oneself by asking about questions such as …i’ll take this elsewhere, it’s not helpful here.
android209 – I’m no angel but when I break off a relationship I’ll tell you, to your face, exactly why. I think it’s very immature to do so over email or an answering machine. I can see a phone call because at least there is direct feedback but the other two methods have been used on me but not used by me.
Again, I’m no angel but I wouldn’t do that to someone that I professed to love at one time. If I tell you that I love you I mean it. It won’t go away or turn into hate. I STILL love many, many people. Our breakups were relatively painless because we parted friends. When I hear people say I used to love someone and now I hate them I often wonder if they really loved them in the first place. But that’s just me. I know not everyone feels the way I do.
Best!
Byz
As far as I know I am a person Satan has shared a lot about. I am Satan’s brother and ironically enough I am a minister. Anyway. to Satan… hang in there. You know from what we talked about that I understand what you are going through. Just know in your head and in your heart that you are loved and appreciated. It will get better!!!
Brian, I hope that your upset smooths itself over very quickly (we’ll do our best to keep you otherwise occupied :)), because she was not good enough for you (granted, I don’t know her at all, but after reading so many of your posts I get the feeling that very few women will be truly worthy of you). Try the spite thing, it really does make you feel better. One of the things that annoyed me the most about my ex-husband was that he was an anal retentive jerk, so for the first three months after my divorce, I left dishes in the sink, didn’t dust (unless my mom was coming over), and left dirty clothes all over the floor. I’m rather neat, myself, so three months was all I could take, but I’ll tell you, everytime I saw a dirty dish I had a feeling of triumph “take that you jerk!” He never knew, but I felt better. (oh, and just so you do not get the wrong idea about me - I did not divorce him over retentiveness - why I dumped him is a whole other story, way too long for here - but has a lot to do with no trust)
Oh, and, BTW, Brian has every right to print that e-mail. IMHO, once she sent them to him, they are his to do with as he pleases. In addition, I think the “real thing” has a much greater impact. If he just said that he received the e-mail and it was really immature, etc. you might chalk up a good bit of it as “his side of the story” or that he was bitter about the break up. This way, you can see for yourself what happened and form your own opinion about it. And, it’s not like he went out and published a book of her e-mail, he gave a select piece of e-mail out to a distinct group of people - It would be the same if he printed it out and showed it to his friends. Granted, because it’s posted here, everyone in the world has access to it; but, let’s face it - who else cares? The rest of the world is way to busy worrying over what’s going to happen on Friends.
WARNING: I cannot be held responsible for the above as apparently my cat has learned to type. =^…^=
Minx… I laughed reading your post… for me it was buying white bread, doing laundry only when I wanted to and eating kraft dinner when I liked.
I got great pleasure from throwing the sardines in mustard sauce (EWWWWW) and all the rest of the things I hated out of the kitchen cupboard and toting them down to the food bank where they would be put to good use by people, something my ex would have hated to see done!! I was cleansed!! Good therapy and really helped me to move on.
“Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.”
Brian…
You’ve heard most of what I was going to say already, but since my schedule is so damn whacked recently, I’ll just post it here.
In a nutshell, this sucks. I won’t say I know exactly how you feel, but I do know how it feels like to be hurt by someone. I second what everyone else here said…go, drink beer, watch football, and treat yourself kindly. (And treat yourself even kinder when your Giants beat my Redskins next week…sigh.)
Love ya, babe. You know I’m always here if you need to vent.
“The point of a journey is not to arrive.”
-Neil Peart, Rush