May Weasels Chew Your Nuts Off, Dear Boss O' Mine!

The BBQ Pit
1

(Geez, I hope weasels are indigenous to this area of the country!)

I’m nobody special. Ain’t gorgeous, ain’t genius, just your average 40+ single mom, struggling to make ends meet, but not depressed about it, either…in general, I am cheerful, self-contented, responsible, thrifty and brave. Sorta brave.

I am leaving my job in 2 1/2 weeks. Two weeks before I gave notice of intent to leave, boss-man determined that because his very troubled wife was safely ensconced in alcohol rehab, at a private facility only a guy like my boss could afford, he needed a new sexual partner in his life. He elected me.

How he arrived at this selection is beyond me, frankly, but I suppose because I am close to his age, generally happy, in pretty good physical shape, not a complete idiot, and someone who he could talk to without feeling “judged” or “hit up for cash”. Also, it didn’t hurt that he also clearly felt I was his subordinate, and SHOULD therefore do whatever he wished me to do. (Weasels, take hold any time now, ok?)

I declined graciously. He pursued. I declined firmly. He pursued harder. I said NO, as forcefully as I could. Then I stopped answering my phone when I noticed he had called. Within a few days, I gave notice of my leaving.

Now he doesn’t talk to me at all, but he has told coworkers that he is angry with me, and finds me disloyal & untrustworthy, and is glad I am going away. (Weasels, batten down!)

How can a woman (or man) compete when a work relationship comes to this? What if I had to, for financial reasons, stay with this job? What does a reasoning, healthy, fair-minded person DO in this circumstance where I have lost before I have even begun, and by no action of my own? (I cannot even imagine the horror of having said yes, having said NO is clearly bad enough, but suddenly I understand what might motivate people to say yes in this situation.)

So thanks, you 'nad-less, mean, selfish, worthless acne scar of a human male, for exerting your insane, bullying power over someone who worked hard for 3 years for you in a professional capacity, longed for nothing more than to keep the relationship that way, and wouldn’t blow you now or ever, even if she had the misfortune of being married to you.

You are a fuckstick of diminished proportion, and a raw, red, bleeding asshole the size of the solar system. I’m leaving, but not before I wish the most swollen, agonizing case of unhealing hemmorhoidal polyps upon you…and if they could cover your whole body, all the better.

Weasels, you boys done yet?

2

Hit him with a sexual harrassment suit. Lawyers bite harder than weasels, although they are of the same Order.

3

I second that emotion, a nice hit in the pocket book will make him see the errors of his ways.

4

Also, if you deal with it in a legal sense now, you may be able to prevent inconvenience for yourself down the road, if you did need to stay at the job, or if you needed a reference, or anything.

It’s not that he hit on you, but that your refusal has lead directly to him slandering you (not necessarially using that in the legal sense).

5

What silenus said. He may ignore your refusals, but he can’t ignore the lawyers for long. Hit him now, while it’s fresh in your mind and (unfortunately - sorry :frowning: ) still going on. I’d wager that when the lawyers are done with him he won’t soon forget how to take “no” for an answer.

6

Folks, I am leaving town, and don’t intend to come back. Don’t want a protracted legal battle going on, frankly, where I will have to take time off from a brand-new job to come to another city for appts, courts. etc. Hate it that THAT is the only recourse. Hate being in this position.

Again, the only thing a person can do in my position, which I did not bring upon myself, is to leave the job and sue. What if I LOVED this job, which I did until recently? What if I had visions of retiring from this place, which I did at one time?

What the hell was this idiot thinking???

7

If you don’t want to tangle with a lawsuit (and I certainly don’t blame you), how about siccing Human Resources on his weasel-infested nuts? Document the hell out of everything, and send a certified copy to the head of HR as a little going away present. It’s the gift the keeps on giving!

8

Rebecca DiMwitter, please, remember that if it isn’t you, he’ll probably find someone else and next time it might be someone who loves the job or who doesn’t find it easy to leave. I worked with a guy like that once. When he tried to hit on me, I worked in a different department and was roughly equal in rank to him. I eventually took it to his supervisor and HR and he stopped. However, after I left, he tried the same stunt on a different woman, only this time it was a 19 year old who worked directly for him.

If you don’t want to sic trained attack lawyers on him, please do document this stuff and tell HR about it. That way, if he tries it again, it won’t be one woman who can be dismissed as a prude or nutcase, but part of a pattern which he needs to break.

By the way, could someone please explain to me why some people do stupid stuff like this? In my case, the guy was a minister who knew I had strong moral standards, knew I knew he was separated but not divorced, and knew I was in a committed relationship. His next target had a fiance. Did he really think he had a chance?

9

If he’s the sort of boss who hound dogs the women in his employ, there should be a record of it, and that record can start with you. If he continues to harass future employees one of them may want to sue or make a human rights complaint, and having your story documented could be very helpful. If you aren’t interested in a full lawsuit, a complaint to the Montana Human Rights commission could give him a metaphoric slap to the head. Maybe he’ll stop hasslin’ the staff in future.

and a big xpost w/Siege

10

I understand you don’t want the battle, but what if he hits on some person in your position who can’t leave? Who is forced by circumstances to bend over and take it? (Literally as well as figuratively.)

You have the power to stop this man. Use it.

11

As I recall, Rebecca doesn’t have an HR department, or even HR person, to go to. It’s a small office, she’s the only non-salaried employee and her boss has been an ass for months if not years.

I’ll ditto what Annie suggested about filing a complaint, even if you don’t pursue legal action. Get it documented to help protect future employees.

12

That truly sucks, Rebecca. I can understand your not wanting to pursue it when it will become a hassle for YOU when all you’re trying to do is move on with your life (and why should you have to be inconvenienced/pay money for HIS atrocious behaviour?). Maybe all of us smart Dopers can figure out a way for you to get this guy’s actions on the books without you needing to give up the next six months of your life.

If I recall correctly, this is a small, privately-owned company, with no HR department or any such thing like that, right?

13

Maybe you can file something with the Better Business Bureau or some agency like that - is he a member of any professional associations?

And you have kept documentation of all his harassment, right? :slight_smile:

14

Meh. I think Rebecca should just go for it with this guy. If there’s one thing I’ve learned lately, it’s that Dopers have a deep and abiding respect for people that have illicit affairs.

15

If he did it with you, he’s done it before. If you start a suit, he may settle quickly.
My ex boss settled 5 sexual harrassment suits in the 4 years I worked there.

16

Your Doper name is far too cool for you to be “average”.

17

Plenty of these cases come with a followup budgeoning with the legal trifecta of divorce, spousal support and child support.

Happened to one of the managers I worked with, managers daddy was the owner of the biz, so he figured he could do as he pleased. Apparently he didn’t plan on a 19 y/o employee fighting back legally. In the space of 48 hours, manager suspended, stay at home wife left with kids, ran home to mom & dad in Nebraska and filed for divorce.

18

How DARE you discredit weasels!

19

Just a thought, but what’s wrong with the truth?

Tell the co-workers, MR. Weasel and anyone who may affect this guy WHY you feel the need to leave. If nothing else, it might just make him think twice before he elects his next subordinate victim.

20

Any of you live in a small town? Ever say anything against a well-known townie native, who has built a significant reputation, owns all the bankers and several of the high-dollar lawyers, has buddies on the police force and sheriff’s patrol (one of the times he called me, and I refused to come to his house where he was alone, waiting for me, he threatened to send one of his “many cop friends” over to pick me up), and who is very wealthy himself? This guy is mega-protected, and I am truly, in spite of my username, my darlings, a nobody! I’m not from this town. I am a MT native, but from the western side of the state, and this is a BIG state! I’m moving halfway to my hometown in 3 weeks. I want nothing to do with this bad boy again.

But I see the point of the “next girl in line”. I’m resolved to tell this tale to one of the minority owners, a good Christian soul and one of the few who does not abuse his/her power in this company. I am certain this guy would watch for any of those vile behaviors in Boss-man and nip it. And yes, I have phone records and detailed notes, PLUS the office manager was here the day this first started (he called me at the office, after an out-of-town trip, and insisted I come to his house immediately to, as he put it, “give him some hand-holding”.) I told her that he was calling me and that I was disturbed by it, and she took the next call from him, tho he asked for ME, but told HER he “had a boner”. She is envious of me however and would definitely change her story if ever asked. I don’t trust her in the least.

One of my best friends owns a high-end mens’ store in this town, is well-respected, and caters to many of the same bankers and lawyers that Boss-man knows. I have told him the story, and he offered to hire me full-time away from Boss-man so I wouldn’t have to work for him (I’d take him up on it if I were staying). It has been helpful to have him as an advocate, but even he knows that Boss-man is a big name in town, and it’d be plenty hard to take him down a peg. It’s a rich man’s world, after all, my friends.