Mayor McCheese

[Jojomojo]

I was reading the straight dope about h.R. Pufnstuf and McDonaldland, and I have come to the conclusion that there was an assassination that was covered up by McDonaldland CIA agents. What happened to Mayr McCheese? I don’t ever remeber this guy. when Cecil talked about him I was just like wuh? whos that? I have been around that long, I’m c. 1985, but maybe someone could tell me when he disappeared. that’d be good. thanx everyone!!!

[neuro-trash_grrrl]

Unfortunately, the good citizens of McDonaldland were fed up with the crime wave epitomized by the nefarious Cheeseburglar, and booted him (the Mayor) out of office. And whatever happened to the Cheeseburglar? McCheese’s successor promised to crack down on crime, and he (the Cheeseburglar) now resides in McStatePen.

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God is dead. -Nietzsche
Nietzsche is dead. -God
Neitzsche is God. -Dead

[Guy_Incognito]

Not quite on-topic but sort of related:

There was a top ten list on Letterman of Ronald McDonald’s top ten fears. One of them was Mayor McCheese’s nude, lifeless body being found in a seedy downtown motel. Kind of funny in a sick, Bob Crane sort of way.

[UncleBeer]

No, no, no! The true story as revealed to me by none other than Ron Regean. He claims to have been told the story, by his father Ronald, shortly after the Iran Contra affair.

The following is a direct transcription of the tapes. Ollie North also claims to have a copy of this tape.

Years ago in MacDonaldLand, Mayor McCheese, having grown paranoid and megalomaniacal in his years secluded in his mayoral residence, declared a state of emergency. He rationalized this act by pointing out increased felonious activities by the Hamburgler, and obliquely referring to rumors that those French-Fry Weasels (whose names I forget) were carrying some sort of disease.

Mayor McCheese’s brother, the police officer with a similarly hamburger-shaped head (whose name I also forget), rounded up the Hamburgler, the Hamburgler’s family, business associates of the Hamburgler, the French-Fry Weasels, and any life forms in MacDonaldLand who veered too much from basic hamburger-humanoid form. Many of these undesirables were exiled to Hungary.

These purges were justified by a new theory of eugenics, which stated that large, round, flat heads with lettuce in them are signs of a higher form of life, a sort of Hamburgerubermensch, who were divinely granted sole political power of MacDonaldLand.

Obviously, Ronald MacDonald, not being a Hamburgerubermensch, did not fit it, and yet the people would not accept his execution, since he was beloved by all and besides his great-grandfather, Helmut MacDonald, founded MacDonaldLand. So instead of being killed or exiled to Hungary with the other victims of the purges or being ground into a paste and turned into Big Macs for sale abroad, he was exiled to the United States, due to the friendly relations the United States had always had with MacDonaldLand, a result of the tireless efforts of the US Ambassador to MacDonaldLand, Ray A. Kroc.

After the release of the Hamburgler from his exile in Hungary, which was negotiated by Ray Kroc, he immigrated to the United States and formed an underground mercenary group with none other than Ronald MacDonald. After tireless recruiting and massive arms purchases they were finally able to overthrow, the by now insane, McCheese.

McCheese was incarcerated for years at a remote MacDonaldland military prison with Rudolph Hess, but it has recently been revealed McCheese died of a massive head cold. His remains were fed to Grimace, which explains that lovely shade of purple. Ronald finally had the Hamburgler assassinated after discovery of a plot to overthrow MacDonald Land. There is an ongoing investigation headed by Oliver Stone.

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Dopeler effect:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

[BurnMeUp]

Guy wrote:

There was a top ten list on Letterman of Ronald McDonald’s top ten fears. One of them was Mayor McCheese’s nude, lifeless body being found in a seedy downtown motel. Kind of funny in a sick, Bob Crane sort of way.

Would that be a sesame seedy motel?

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Magnificent to behold - Greatly to be praised.

[KSO]

I’ve been trying to figure out for at least a decade what the name of that damned Big Mac cop was. Also, what were those stupid goblin things called–they looked like blue or purple rag mops–everyone I ask either looks at me as if I’ve grown another head or says they were the “Fry Guys.” That doesn’t sound right to me. Also, WTF was up with Grimace? What was he? I guess some sort of partially evolved precursor to that most evil of creatures, Barney.

I just reread this, and I really need to get out more.

[metroshane]

They are the fry guys!

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I treated Art as the supreme reality, and life as a mere mode of fiction–Oscar Wilde

[Rilchiam]

I just figured Mayor McCheese had to resign after he got caught putting his pickle in the wrong bun.

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Remember, I’m pulling for you; we’re all in this together.
—Red Green

[meredith]

you can find the cop’s name [here](http://infoseek.go.com/?win=_search&sv=M6&lk=noframes&nh=10&ud9=IE5&qt=mcdonaldland&oq=&url=http%3A//www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mmcdonal.html&ti=The+Straight+Dope+Mailbag%3A +In+McDonaldland,+what’s+the+name+of+the+cop%3F&top=).

I hope this works.

[meredith]

Darn it! Just cut and paste. THAT works, I tried it.

[Stella_Fantasia]

Now if someone can tell me why the Hamburglar always runs around saying “robble robble”…

Huh huh huh huh Hamburglar.

[BurnMeUp]

The Onion had an article a while back about the Hamburgler urging congress to “Robble Robble”, but I can’t seem to find it now.

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Magnificent to behold - Greatly to be praised.

[Rodd_Hill]

Having scrubbed many and many a time the infant highchairs in my local McDonald’s during the late 70s, when I was a teenage fascist, the doggerel verse incribed thereon still haunts me late at night…

“Who’s big and round and full of fun?
Who’s shaped like a great big hamburger bun?
Who else has a job that’s a super breeze?
Who else,” says Ronald, “but Mayor McCheese?”