McDonalds Characters

Perhaps Kirk and I would get along quite well… A couple years ago, while still in college, I acquired a McDonalds highchair tray adorned with a rather visionary, imperialist scene of Ronald and crew in a hot air balloon, pointing at a McDonalds’ restaurant below as if it were an oasis. The sky consisted of wavy, yellow and brown stripes, and the rolling hills in the horizon were purple. I was familiar with most of the characters’ names, but there was one whose name I don’t think I had ever absorbed in all my cheeseburger Happy Meal - scarfing youth: The Pirate. One night after one too many fermented delights, we took the tray to a nearby McDonalds and quizzed the employees and managers on the name of this mysterious buccaneer. Nobody knew. So the next day, I called 800 number listed on one of the cups, and after a half-dozen transfers, finally learned the scoundrel’s identity: McCook. (Perhaps some McReference to Captain Cook.) However, there was one other little critter the hotline folks wouldn’t venture a guess on: the parrot perched on McCook’s shoulder. Maybe this thing never had a name, but I doubt it. I’m betting that the bird’s identity is some sort of top secret corporate password, granting access to secret McDonalds paradise to those who utter it at the right place. If there is anyone out there who would like to investigate this coverup with me, please let me know.

I bet it’s “Polly”.

“We’re gonna have lawyers here. It’ll be a fun time.”



Full of 'satiable curtiosity

I had a friend named Polly Warner, she married Gregory Cracker and hyphenated her name to become Ms. Polly Warner-Cracker.


What I wanna know is, what was the name of the orange juice tree that can still be found in a box of McDonaldland cookies?


The really disturbing thing is that the parrot character disappeared at exactly the same time they introduced McNuggets…

So if we look at this in terms of organized crime, we have the following: Ronald McDonald, the ringleader; Hamburglar, the lackey; Grimace, the bungling gofer; Birdie, the female companion; the Fry-Guys (also gofers, but more of the mob mentality); and I guess we could see McPolly as a stool pigeon of sorts???

Death is no problem…Nixon in 2000