So I met this girl when I was on a short business trip and we hit it off pretty good. between work and all i was busy but we were able to go out on two ‘dates’. turns out she is moving to my home town in 3 months. we talk on the phone now and then and we decided she should visit me before she moves. she is coming for a weekend (fri to sun). problem is, i’m afraid it is too much time together so early in the relationship (i think there was a seinfeld episode about this) and i am worried about it. normally you have a date and leave and have time to think, miss, and want to see the person again. she is going to stay at my place so we will be together roughly 72 hours.
any advice? i dig this girl very much and looking for any suggestions or maybe i am just worrying too much
IIRC On Seinfeld they said a weekend away (together) advances the relationship by three months.
I’ve never been in this situation, maybe you could suggest she gets a hotel (offer to split the cost) in town. “I don’t want to rush things and this way if we don’t hit it off as well as we have been, we’re not stuck together for the whole weekend” or something like that.
Depending on where the conversation goes, you might even go so far as to suggest she still stays at your place, but having the hotel room ready to go might take some pressure off the situation. You could even make something up like “I have _______ to do on Saturday morning, but I should be home by noon and then I can get showered and pick you up from the hotel around 1ish.” That way, you can see her Friday, then she can check in at the hotel that night and stay there. Then you can figure out Saturday night when you get to it.
I borrowed a friend’s empty apartment in my future husband’s neighborhood so that we could spend a two-day holiday together when we’d been dating for three weeks. We ended up getting married ten months later, so I don’t think it was terribly bad for our relationship. That said, I didn’t stay at his place (obviously), which may have made it a less overwhelming.
I’d say it’d be fine - but might be easier and less potential ‘stress’ if y’all both agreed/planned on having an outlet for her if she gets overwhelmed, mad, or gets just ‘whatever’. Even just knowing that she ain’t ‘trapped’ and can have a breath of ‘fresh air’ - alone if its what ticks her clock - may be what calms your worries.
Having an alternate plan is usually called for in other things - why not with this as well? Twenty years from now, maybe it will be a shared laugh at how silly y’all were for even thinking such. Or being so darn glad she could step out a second or two, or as long as need be to let things ~slow down or think about a situation that may or may not be what you/she think they may have felt/saw. Even planning on a couple hours minimum apart somewhere in there could be a great idea. Heck, she may have friends to call who demand she give them ‘updates’ as they are worried (or jealous or happy-as-heck) for her. A hotel room available and paid-for if money is no prob, just in case, gives a safety valve that goes unpopped if no pressure is upon it, but if popped, saves LOTS of emotion/pain (and maybe the friend/relation -ship). Takes possible weight off ‘expectations’ if anything changes with either of y’all. Shit happens at the worst times, ya know?! Monkey sex - yeah, its coming your way (no frogs unless agreed upon up front!). The rest of the stuff can be the issue(s) to overcome, of course. And be honest with her about all of your bad habits as this is best time for her to know the ‘whole you’ and what spending time is all about. Stuff phone calls do not reveal. Right? If you are serious, make it count.
Been there/done that (approximately the same as above). Been married over 13 years now to her. Happily, too
What’s your home town and how much of a “coincidence” is it that she is moving there? If you live in New York City, then probably not much to worry about. However, if you live in Bum Farble, Kansas (population 300), then I’d be pretty suspicious.
My wife and I dated long distance (1,200 miles apart) for about 6 months before we got engaged. We saw each other for about 3 days at a time every 2-3 weeks.
Dating this way, I feel had great advantages over dating someone in my own town, as I had previously. When we were together it was intense and you got the feeling of what it would be like to be together for more than just an evening. You also have the advantage of the apart time, where there is no pressure to stop by and see how she’s doing, and you can be to yourself with your own thoughts without worrying that she might thinkk you don’t want to spend time with her, because she’s physically hours away.
Have fun and good luck. Oh, and we’ve now been married almost 6 years and we have a 3 year old and another on the way.
