Meeting the neighbors

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

We’ve been in this house for two years now, and I finally met the matriarch of the lovely (though very Christian-preachy) Pakistani family across the street. I’ve met the younger couple, and their teenage boys, a few times, but somehow never crossed paths with the man’s parents, who live with them. Last weekend, she saw me in the front yard, washing out the bathroom trash cans with the hose, and she came over, arms spread wide, to welcome me to the neighborhood and apologize for not having us over. Very sweet of her, and I counter-apologized for not having them over, and we chatted a little, until she gutted me with a completely innocent comment.

“We do not see you outside very much, only your husband, working, working. We were thinking maybe you…” Her hands went to her abdomen and mimed a growing belly. “Maybe you were expecting and so are staying inside more.” I blinked and shook my head, mumbled “no, no, not quite yet,” with a weak smile and a look around for my husband to rescue me. “Because,” she continued, “we know you are recently here, we are old and we do not have little children now, we can help with the baby, help when you are expecting.” I thanked her profusely, not sure if this was a cultural gesture, a Christian one, or just this family’s way.

No, dear neighbor, I am not expecting. In fact, I’m currently having a bitch of a period and I’m already past my daily dose of ibuprofen just to keep me standing up straight. I’m not pregnant, just a little fat around the edges. I’m never outside because I don’t have much work to do in the front yard and I’ve got tons to do inside my home to keep it clean and functional. I’m sure she meant no offense, but I was completely at a loss for words. We’ve been working on getting pregnant for almost a year now, so her comments cut in several ways.

Luckily, my husband came out of the garage to join us just then and we discussed the neighborhood and old houses and renovations that take more work than expected, and she took her leave by offering us God’s blessing to keep us healthy and bring us (more elegant Pakistani pregnant-belly mime) when we are ready.

I think I’ll let the front garden go to hell this year, or at least until I lose some weight, in case other neighbors approach me and make offers of child-care services for my as-yet-unconceived babies.

Do any of you guys have weird and well-meaning neighbors who should probably mind more of their own business?

2

First off, I have a very good relationship with my neighbors on this street: I only know the names of a few of them and rarely even see them outdoors. Most of them I wouldn’t know if I saw them outside the neighborhood. The few I have encountered have been pleasant and I have had fun conversations with the next-door neighbor to the east. The one to the west and the one across the street I have spoken to while we were both picking up the mail or otherwise outside at the same time.

The only negative things that my neighbors have done that annoyed me enough to mention it here have been to leave snotty notes in or on my mailbox to indicate that I should take care of something in the yard. Never signed nor put there while I was watching, so I have to assume I have a shithook somewhere close by. Not enough to make me paranoid, just a shithook.

3

She probably meant well. In an obnoxious kind of way. No need to make a special effort to avoid someone who only turns up every couple of years, anyway.

Maybe a little bit of a cultural thing? And maybe she is nervous/awkward meeting new people or something?

4

Maybe she’s a raving psychopath and she just slipped her bonds for a moment and escaped, and they’ll now up the security/meds and you’ll never see her again.

5

Yes, I would try to cut an elderly Pakistani woman some slack on comments like this because I’m sure she grew up in a very different culture regarding childbearing and infertility than most of us who grew up in the west did.

6

It’s not like I’ve been advertising our attempts to conceive, or our lack of success, so whatever she’s saying is obviously just an attempt to make nice with the newish couple across the street. I don’t hate her for it, but it was definitely a little upsetting for me. She interpreted what she’d seen and heard of us (young, recently married, don’t see the wife outside much) and assumed what many people would likely assume - that we’ve got a baby on the way. It’s what young couples traditionally do after getting married, after all, right? I don’t fault her for thinking it. But voicing that assumption was a little too much.

Hey, it’s actually nice to know that the neighbors care enough to offer help if we need it. Just… we don’t need it yet. I wish we did, but we don’t. I guess that’s why it bugged me more than it should have.