Why you men take so durn long to take the morning load off your mind. I know it has to take a certain amount of time, but women seem to handle it in a much more efficient manner.
In other words - it doesn’t take us 20-30 minutes to take a dump, we just go in there and then get on with the day.
A man however, will take a newspaper, a magazine, or even a book in there with him, and seemingly read the whole thing before he comes out again. Every guy in my office does this, and it takes up most of the morning. Little actual work gets done around here until the morning ritual is complete. :rolleyes:
because it’s relaxing. The only part of the day that your really only get to yourself. The rest is spent dealing with assholes and whatnot. The morning ritual is something to be savoured, not rushed.
Its the only time we get away from the incessant nagging and piercing chatter of you women ;).
Honestly, its a peaceful time of day, no one checking up on you, no one pestering you about checking the sports section. The dumping itself typically doesn’t take all that long (sometimes it does, and for some of my friends it always does) but generally its our time. And for most men, very little time in life is it acceptable for us to take personal time. Between work responsibility, and giving the ladies the attention they want, and for many children, the little 15 minute of scilence is blissful. I’d be willing to wager the bachelors who live alone don’t spend much time in there. You got a wife and kids…hell yeah, bathroom here I come. Women do the same damn thing, except they choose outlandish make up sessions, or long long baths.
I believe it when you say guys it’s personal time, but, Omniscient, I had to laugh at the idea of women with husbands and kids getting long makeup sessions and baths.
Since my kids arrived my idea of fancy grooming is brushing my teeth BEFORE I get to work. Long baths? In my dreams.
Seriously, I try to be quick and efficient. Heck, I sometimes even start unrolling the paper before I’m finished, for the sake of efficiency. Now THAT’S anal
Never thought I’d see the day that a woman asks a men why they take so long in the bathroom. I feel like I should ask women why they never stop the car and ask for directions.
Uh huh. Then explain the long lines to the ladies room at any given bar. Explain the ubiquitous drunk mousy broad who begs and pleads to use the men’s room everytime I’m about to go in.
So why do us men take so durn long? It takes a long while to get rid of all the shit you women give us.
I am one of those guys who will not rush through my time on the throne. I am one of those one-time-a-day people and that may be part of the problem. I will do my best to explain what goes on in a matter of fact way.
When your bowels let you know that there is no more delaying the inevitable and you must go, well you go. That first release can be an orgasmic moment of accomplishment or a horrific beginning to a session of self loathing and regret as you try to remember what it was you ate that is now punishing you like two dollar whore.
In the case of the former, you must take time to gather yourself and make sure that there aren’t any “aftershocks” just a few minutes away. This is why I am riding the porcelain pony for atleast 7 minutes. After that initial outburst, I try to relaxe and make sure that everything that should be out, is out.
In the case of the latter, well, that doesn’t really need to be explained, does it? We have all experianced the sudden, life altering moment when we feel like we are about to give birth to a 10 pound brick. Nuff said.
In either case when the job is done, there just has some “me time.” I find that after the holocaust is over, I can have some of the most vivid daydreams and a wonderful euphoric feeling usually overcomes me. That is why I take so long when I have to talk to the Big Man.
I thought this sort of odd because usually its women as groups going to the bathroom for a long time. Doing their hair, makeup, etc.
But I don’t spend 20 minutes in the bathroom.
BTW What kind of person would sit by the bathroom with a watch timing how long men use to take a dump? How do you know they are taking a dump??? shoot, maybe I shouldn’t ask.
I used to spend a considerable amount of time in there when I lived with roommates. I agree with the “quiet time” or the “sanctuary” definitions.
To help you gauge the amount of time I used to spend, lemme just say that I have read Stephen King’s “IT”, from cover to cover, in about 40 bathroom sessions.
Growing up I remember my dad disapearing into the bathroom for 30+ minutes at a time and he’d always take some sort of reading material with him.
We usually lived in a house with only ONE BATHROOM (army brat, moved a lot, lived in a lot of different houses) and he would never got through the 30+ minutes without having one of us banging on the door with a desperate need for the facilities.
There has got to be a more comfortable place to sit and read. Forty minutes on a hard plastic seat in a smallish, not to mention, smelly room with (well, you know what) floating under you.
Is this just a guy thing, or do women do it too? Just wondering.
MLaw, this is what I see all the time too. Hey, I read. I like quiet time too. I certainly could think of more comfortable, not to mention better smelling places to sit.
Here’s my theory (and I certainly fall into the 15-20 minute “dump-time” group). When guys go to the john and have to SIT DOWN, it’s a big deal. Normally we just go in and pee on the seat while standing up ;). Women on the other hand have to sit down EVERY TIME they go in there.
So, it becomes a ritual for us. ALso, I will read whatever is available (I recall I once had my girlfriends shampoo bottle memorized because she had nothing else to read in there!), and several times I have sat there so long that my legs fell asleep.
Indeed. I have a fair working knowledge of most of the early Babysitter’s Club books 'cause my sister always used to leave 'em in there (cover to cover in one sitting, on some of them). That knowledge never fails to impress the ladies. My method of acquisition of that knowledge usually does.
