men in the bathroom...?

Frank answer for an indelicate question requested:

What the hell is he doing in there???

Now I know that reading is a pleasurable thing, and one could lose track of time and continue to read long after the “required” time.
However, I have noticed that women seem to be able to get in there and TCB in a flash, whereas men need, like minutes!and minutes!


Are the sexes just differently, physiologically, to the point where
necessities would actually take much longer for a man? My SO says it does, but I don’t buy it. I think there’s a lot of spacing out, hiding out, alone time, what have you going on.
Not that this is a problem, but I just want him to admit that
the actual…erm…process shouldn’t take but 30-60 seconds.

Should it?

He might just be masturbating.

– Why A Duck (bathroom reader extrordinaire)

I once had a bathroom that was tight, to be polite. I was able on occasion to wake up, crap, brush my teeth, shave and shower and be out of there in 7 minutes. (I timed it as I knew it would be something to discuss at some time, lo and behold here it is)

Of course, shaving and brushing the teeth happened on the hopper, but I don’t think all men need extra time.

C’mon…any real man needs at least 30 minutes to drop, and another 5 to clean up the evidence. Would you be happy if we shaved off 5 minutes?

When I was a wee laddie, I noticed that my grandpa would take forever in the bathroom. He always took the newspaper with him so I asked him one day, “Why do you always read the newspaper in the bathroom, grampa?” After all, he could just as easily read the newspaper in the living room.

His reply was, “Well, if I’m going to be in there so long, I might as well have something to read.” So, from his comments it seems the reading is only a secondary activity.

Fast forward to today. I am now nearly as old as my grandpa was then and I have inherited some of his traits. Yes indeed, it does take longer. It takes longer than it used to, it takes longer than I would like it to. If I could have it any other way, believe me I would!

My SO tells me that it’s something of a “wait and see what happens” thing. For me, if I go pee, and then leave the washroom, and 30mins later have to go back in to do #2, then I’ll do that, while he’s just going to sit there and wait to see if he needs to go, and let it happen…

It’s weird.

Really? Well, that kinda makes sense. I never thought of that.
So far, I’ve got someone saying that it can be done quickly, one saying it can’t, and one saying the process takes longer the older you get…
but still no definitive “Oh yes, it takes men longer because of XYZ” -well, except for Why a Duck’s answer, which I would go for except that I know otherwise (apparently the shower is for masturbation, silly! :stuck_out_tongue: )

I just don’t buy that it takes that freakin long.
Think evolution.
Wouldn’t men be extinct today if the average crap-behind-a-bush left him ass-out exposed to elements and T-Rexes for 30 good minutes?


How old is your SO?

Things DO take longer with age - including taking a piss, if his prostate is enlarging. (This doesn’t tend to be much of a problem before age 40 or so, but after that it starts kicking in.)

I can see where it would be that way for women - especially with current shower massage technology - and some guys seem to like it as well.

My experience is that it just spreads the stickiness around a lot more. Having to clean the goop off of half your body afterwards kinda takes the edge off the pleasure, ifyaknowwhatimean.

I’m with Mnemosyne. Frequently, when I’m just using the john for a quick pee, something in the New York Times Review of Books on top of the unit will catch my eye, or I’ll feel a familiar twinge in the bowels as my sphincter loosens, or some combination of the two, and the idea of having a sit becomes pretty appealing. Sometimes (especially when the initial motivation is more geared towards the reading than the pooing), it takes longer to get the troops mobilized.

I think what a lot of people don’t realize is that 1) it’s quite a comfortable position to sit in, and you don’t typically have the opportunity to arrange yourself that way outside of the throneroom, and 2) while this applies to all people, it’s especially true of men, the state of being ‘ready to unload’ is, both psychically and physiologically, a more stress-free state than your normal day-to-day life. It’s one less thing you have to worry about, one more thing you can just let go. You can never truly ‘go with the flow’ unless your bowels are relaxed.

It’s like the Chinese philosopher Lin Yutang put it: ‘If one’s bowels move one is happy, and if they don’t move, one is unhappy. That is all there is to it.’ We men are just more in tune with some methods of keeping ourselves happy.

We like the smell.

The boys need some time to cool down after bein cooped up in der lederhosen all day… the air’s nice & cool in that bowl y’know.

It’s not only men/boys who get up to this in the toilet.
My little girl (now 10), has done the reading thing for years.
She will take upwards of 30 minutes, simply because she is so engrossed in what it is she is reading at the time.
Earlier on we didn’t discourage this, 'cos any time spent reading is a good thing, but I think as she gets on in life she will have to cut down.
I’m a bowl reader (this is not like reading tea leaves) too and often spend 15-20 minutes in there reading whatever material is around.
Maybe it’s imitation. I do it, ergo, child does it.
SO does NOT do it. She is in and out faster than I think it would take us to wipe. Mind you, we did at one time refer to her as the Queen of the Bottom People, so she may have an entirely different reason for getting out 'o there as fast as she can before the paint starts to melt !!

Well, sometimes it takes a while.
Sometimes we just like to be ‘alone’
Sometimes we get caught-up in a good article and want to finish it.
Sometimes we’re paniced 'cause there’s no way in hell that thing is gonna flush.
Other times we’re wondering just what the heck women do with all the TP anyway.

The bathroom is blissfully quiet. It’s one place we can be guaranteed “escape”. And, dadburn it, we need some time alone.

Don’t listen to any of these jokers. We don’t stay in there for the ‘quiet time’. We do it because we know that the only place one can ever be truly happy is on the can.

As a guy I am equally perplexed. I can’t figure out why either (I just said that…). I have a lot of better things to do, and reading, even a good book, on the can is not the most comfortable place to do it. If I had a little fold-down desk like in an airplane, it might work. But I’m in and out quick, unless I’ve been saving up.

I don’t find particular peace in the Washington Club, and those that do probably learned it from parents or other relatives.

The only time I’ve read in the bathroom recently is when I found myself in a stall without the necessary paper-pulp product at the subway station and I had to read through a couple pieces of paper in my bag to make sure I wouldn’t miss them after they went down.

Women poop?

Oh dear…

Is it physically possible for a woman to masturbate standing up? Don’t think I could do it.

Men use TP when they poop. Women use it for everything. Now considering the female anatomy, getting “dry” is about as futile a prospect as drying out the inside of your mouth (the lips down there don’t close the way a mouth does) and keep in mind it’s also a bit like having a snotty runny nose, all day, every day, for your entire life. Between your legs. Maybe now you can understand how we might need more TP.

For those who get engrossed in a book… please god tell me you wipe first, then just stay around reading? That you don’t let yourself get… err… crusty in the air, then … GAH

Lord no. What if you wiped and then the urge returned? Lotsa wasted TP. Crusties take a surprising amount of time to form (Hey, you asked).

I’ve read quite a few books on the can (not in one sitting, usually a chapter at a time). It’s quiet, relaxing, almost comfortable. Plus sitting around for a while without pants or skivvies on is just downright liberating.