I have felt threatened in that sense before - that is, I had a girlfriend and I didn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea because some other chick was throwing herself at me. Does that count?
I think those sort of situations are very much analogous to women not wanting to be thought of as “easy” – men don’t want to be thought of as “dogs” (when they have a steady girlfriend in a committed relationship), and in both situations they can be falsely labelled as such.
My mistake. I don’t know how I’d respond, then.
If that ever happened to me I’d probably be upset, too. But I’d still probably laugh about it later.
Yikes. How’d you wind up handling it? Did she make good on her threats?
It’s been years and it’s still a bit disturbing. I think it’s still disturbing because of how unreal the situation was. My girlfriend was actually at the party in a different section of the house. We’d been together most of the night and then I followed a friend upstairs while my girlfriend stayed downstairs (I can’t remember what she was doing). This other girl apparently saw this as an opportunity and seemed to shrug my girlfriend’s presence off. It’s like she thought that her and I were in a relationship (I have no idea what she thought of my girlfriend, even though she knew I was seeing her), even though -at best - we were just friends.
She didn’t make good on her threats, thankfully, and I distanced myself from her and - unfortunately - friends of hers who she associated with, whom I was friends with. I really didn’t see her after her last attempt where she was getting physical. That was a bit too much for me.
Everyone, please remember to keep the tone civil and your remarks well away from the insulting. We are a board dedicated to fighting ignorance, and in a thread where a very sensitive subject is being explored, extra care should be taken when views are expressed about specific situations.
Ellen Cherry
IMHO Moderator
Hmm. I was almost ready to vote that I’d been put in an uncomfortable situation by a woman, but you seem to have limited it to a fear scenario, specifically fear of being raped. I’ve never had that.
What I have had is women I didn’t really like making unwanted advances. But, honestly, I wasn’t assertive enough to say no. And, I actually sorta enjoyed it, which actually makes it feel worse.
But I’ve never really felt threatened by anything but my own libido, worried that I would do something I’d regret later. As a kid I kissed a girl who made advances on me out of politeness, despite not actually being attracted to her, and had to deal with her thinking we were together when we weren’t.
He corrected that when people busted him on it.
You probably already voted, though. :3
A male friend of the family repeatedly tried to molest during my early-to-mid teen years. It was always in public places and I was easily able to fend him off. I didn’t suffer any emotional damage.
I never told anyone of his attempts, but not because I feared him. It was because I didn’t know who he was. I have always had a problem remembering people. I meet the same people over and over and have no recollection of having met them before. I didn’t realize who had been trying to molest me until I saw him at a cousin’s wedding. Even then, my reaction to seeing him was, “What is that creepy guy doing here? He’s Mrs. Hogan’s husband? I didn’t know that.” We talked a bit, but neither of us mentioned what had happened. I figure there’s no point bringing it up since it doesn’t bother me and didn’t even bother me at the time it was happening (I was just proud of myself for fighting him off). I’m sure the story would be much different if he had been able to overpower me.
I was standing and talking to a friend at a bar. Out of nowhere a 20-something girl came up and grabbed my junk. She then said, “That’s how I say hello.” I verbally greeted her, and that was the end of it.
I voted “None of the above” in the poll.
Gus do you have Face Blindness?
I had a large girl start humping me in a bar while I was trying to pick up her friend a couple of months ago. It was very awkward but I figured it was no different then a cat in heat trying to get attention and just ignored her. Once she got bored with not getting attention the girl who I was hitting on asked me why I didn’t do something about it. It was just weird and awkward so I didn’t worry about it.
For the record I went with none of the above.
One of my ex-girlfriends (she’s 6’3", 285lbs, benches something on the order of 220, and has a tang soo do black belt) would take issue with your statements here–I would have NO qualms, as a big guy and former football player, with saying “she intimidated the hell right out of me and she could physically force me to do anything she wanted”.
One of my good female friends now is 5’8" and 150lbs, and benches something like 130 and does kickboxing–hell yes, I am also intimidated by her in a sparring match, and again I’m not some kinda pasty nerd here.
Women and men in the modern world do not match up with your appraisals of relative power and dangerousness.
On the poll answers themselves:
I answered uncomfortable (both genders) and sexually assaulted (female).
In the former case, I know a lot of big guys (and girls). I’ve had the experience of being pushed into a corner and threatened with groping by someone substantially bigger than myself who could have dismantled me if he’d have decided to (“fortunately”, he realized I wasn’t playing hard-to-get about fifteen seconds in and let me go with an apology) My experiences with females in that vein was more of the “typical” “do this with me or I’m going to spread lies about you.”
The sexual assault described was much the same, except the threat was undressing (with me protesting that I wasn’t interested, on the grounds that I don’t, to use the colloquialism, “stick my dick in the crazy”) and purposefully disheveling her hair, then saying “we will have sex or I’m going to scream that you’re raping me”. Not a lot of fun, at all, although fortunately she got bored and left (accusing me of being not much of a man, mind you) when it was pretty clear that I wasn’t going to respond physically.
I didn’t report it to anyone. In the modern climate, a guy and a girl alone in a dorm room? There is no possible way that could have gone in my favor.
Most do, I’d say.
I have never seen, in person, a woman with a bodybuilder physique (at least so far as I could tell). I see men like that all the time.
I was the victim of an attempted stranger abduction on my 10th birthday, and was molested by a Scout master when I was 12.
as a young adult (17,18), I frequently seemed to attract the attention of pervy older guys for some reason (I looked a lot younger than I really was, and they always thought I was a kid. I was also small and had very slight build and long hair which might have had something to do with it)). On more than one occasion I had guys trying to coax me into cars. One guy was openly masturbating.
After the Navy, I had bulked up and finally looked like an adult. I also grew out some facial hair, which helped (though I still got carded for beer and cigarettes into my 30’s), and that kind of thing stopped. I have occasionally been cruised by gay men (not creepos, like when I was young, just gay guys), and have been hit on by women who I wasn’t necessarily interested in, but I’ve never felt physically fearful of them.
Jesus, Dio. My sympathy.
No, it’s much more mundane than that. I just don’t pay attention when I meet people because I generally have no interest in meeting them. When I’m being introduced to someone I’m usually thinking, “What can I say to get away from this person quickly?” Names, faces, details are all ignored. I just want to remove myself from the situation.
She. 
Rigamorale, I know of two guys who could legitimately check box 3. One was stalked by an ex-girlfriend, whom he dropped because he figured out she wasn’t one the right side of the stable/unstable line. Another was a guy who modeled for a calendar, and whose female boss couldn’t keep her hands off him.
Let’s face it though, guys are more likely to be physically intimidating, to be in a position of responsibility, and to be assholes in this particular sense. I’m big enough and a fast enough runner that I’ve never been physically intimidated, but I still had to check box 4.
Wow. I’m not sure which is worse. That so many of you have had to endure these experiences, or the dismissive attitudes and mockery you face because of it. Actually, the worst part is probably my complete and utter lack of surprise on both accounts.
This sucks, guys.