Men and women are screwed!!

It’s important to remember that 99% of women are manipulative & evil bitches and that 99% of men are lying, cheating dogs (sons of bitches, actually). The next step is to get past this simple fact of life and forgive them for their design flaws. Much as I hate women, I still love them with a passion. I have realized it’s not their fault they are built like they are, and I also am not to be blamed for the natural condition of men. Accept these truths and happiness is around the corner.

Unless of course you want to hold out for the 1%, in which case, it takes about 30 years to figure out if you have chosen wisely. Good luck!

DaLovin’ Dj

CanvasShoes:

I agree, women make sense. Unfortunately, y’all don’t understand males very well. I mean, you understand us predictively, you can make very good generalizations about what we do, what kinds of things we think or say, or even are likely to think or say. But most of you female folks don’t seem to find us explicable as far as why we do what we do, say what we way, think what we think, etc.

the man: “Me, Grog… you, mine. Grog wanna do it.”

the woman: “Do you love me?”

the man: (blinks a moment, scratches furry head) “Grog wanna do it.”

the woman: “But do you love me?”

the man: (shuffles feet) “Grog… love.”

the woman: “Why did you hesitate? Where is our relationship going? I need to know you’re not lying to me.”

the man: (scratches furry butt a moment) “Grog love, Grog wanna do it.” (reaches for woman).

the woman: “Do you love me or do you just want sex?”

the man: (scratches his furry chin) “Grog love.”
OKOKOKOKOKOKOK, this is JUST a joke!

the man: “Me, Grog…you, mine. Grog wanna do it.”

the woman: “Me Jen…you, cute. Jen wanna do it.”

the woman: “Me Jen, apply job. Jen work hard, you give Jen pretty stones, Jen pay rent on cave.”

boss Neander Industries: “You girl, no get job. Grog get job. Gugg get job. Jen go do it with Grog or Gugg, get Grog or Gugg pay Jen rent on cave.”

the woman: (blinks for a moment, scratches furry head) “Boss cute. Jen wanna do it.”

the woman: “Jen need rent on cave. Boss pay.”

boss: “Huh. Jen pay own rent on cave. Boss pay Sue rent on cave. Otherwise Sue no do it.”

the woman: “oh…” (blinks for a moment, scratches furry head)

the woman: “Me, Jen. Grog cute. Jen wanna do it, Grog pay rent on cave?”

the man: “Huh. Jen slut. Jen do it with boss. Jen do it with boss for free, why Grog pay rent on cave?”

the woman: “oh…” (blinks for a moment, scratches furry head)

the man: “Me Uth. You cute. Uth wanna do it.”

the woman: "Uth go fuck self. Jen have cave rent to pay. No one hire Jen, Jen no earn pretty beads, Jen lose cave, men no play fair.

the man: “But Jen cute. Uth take care of Jen.”

the woman: “Huh. Uth pay Jen cave rent first. Wait… (scratches furry armpits) … No, Uth always pay Jen cave rent forever and ever.”

the man: “Uth no cute?”

the woman: "Uth cute. Jen horny. Uth pay Jen cave rent forever and ever, Jen wanna do it. "

the man: “Not understand cave girls.”

Alternatively:

The woman: do you really love me?

Grog: hang on, honey, can’t you see I’m perched on top of this ladder trying to get the Christmas lights down?

The woman: OK, if you don’t have time to tell me you love me then I guess you don’t.

Grog: huh? Hang on honey, of course I love you. I don’t want to fall off this ladder though. But I really do love you.

The woman: oh, all men say that, especially when they want sex.

Grog: well, I wasn’t actually thinking about sex right this minute.

The woman: see, you don’t love me anymore…we used to do it all the time, now I have to beg you for it.

Grog: but baby, we did it this morning.

The woman: only because you thought you had to.

Grog: no, no, I really wanted to.

The woman: no you didn’t, I can tell when you really want to or not.

Grog: honest, honey, I really DID want to.

The woman: anyway, remember that time five years ago when you said you thought my sister was cute?

Grog: er, no I don’t.

The woman: yes you do. It was on a Sunday evening right after that episode of Cheers where the mailguy lost his package.

Grog: I really don’t remember. Anyway, your sister might be cute, but you’re beautiful.

The woman: oh, now you’re just trying to get off the hook. I think you think she’s prettier than me.

Grog: no, honest, I don’t.

The woman: then why did you tell me that, five years ago?

Grog: well, I don’t remember telling you. What does it matter?

The woman: it matters because you don’t love me anymore.

Grog: but I do, honey…honest.

The woman: anyway, can’t you hurry up taking those lights down, you promised to clean up the garage this afternoon and mom and dad will be over later and I’ve got a headache.

Grog: sure, sweetie, just give me a kiss.

The woman: God…MEN…all you think about is sex.

I just got off the phone with my husband.

Yep, we’re all fucking screwed.

LMFAO @ Palewriter!! You know it… you so know it. Why do we women do that? I know I do, I’ve overheard other women do that… WTF is up with our minds? A simple comment can turn into a full-blown war. Why do women turn a simple comment into an police interrogation? It basically hurts us (women) in the end. I hate when I do it and find that I do it before logic sets in. Logic would dictate that:

A. He loves me because he puts up with my crap.
B. He puts up with my crap because he loves me.
C. He’s not thinking of shagging every girl he sees.
D. He’s not comparing me to every girl he sees.

Emotion turns women into these worrywart, doubt-mongers who analyze every word out of the guy’s mouth. WHY!!! There are days women hate the way they look, feel, think, act… or variations thereof. PMS is not the only culprit.

Personally, I’ve been working very hard on my jealousy issues (baggage from my last relationship that has NO bearing on my current one… got to remember that… sheesh!). I’m enjoying some new freedom and the chance to enjoy a healthy relationship(this guy DOESN’T use bad names as endearments! WOW!).

This time 'round, I can actually be myself not some damn trophy with an eye on my back every minute but I have to admit, it’s taking time to get used to. I love my guy even when we’re looking at each other like, “huh?”. He’s incredibly patient and calm, which is amazing. He wants to figure me out, tricky as it may be at times… talk about a turn-on!!

I don’t know why you women do that.

This woman doesn’t do it because it’s stupid.
I never saw any strong correspondences among people of the same sex to form dumbass generalisations about in the first place; perhaps that’s why I’m not hamstrung by some need to have a gonad translator.

(IOW, I’m over here with Marley23, easy e, Orange Skinner, and don’t mind me.)

As long as contemporary Americans base their idea of the opposite sex on the people they see in Bud Light commercials we are all, indeed, screwed.

It IS simple.
Men think about one thing all the time.

Women think about 50 things all at once.