Ever felt like whatever you say, she’s already her mind?
Sometimes a good old fashioned “Hey, how are you?” can be taken as a conniving attempt at divulging their every personal secret.
And to me it just doesn’t make any sense.
Are women more reactive than men? I mean over all. Is it just natural for them to react rather than to take a proactive approach?
My intention of course are not to offend or to discredit women. However, I’m confident that more than a few men have felt the way I have about this.
As far as I can tell, women are confusing to men, men are confusing to women. Women do have inborn superior social skills which give them an edge though.
Women by nature seem to try and figure out what someone really means, rather than take them at face value. When it works, it’s quite useful. When it doesn’t, it usually causes a lot of problems.
Also, they tend to expect the same. That’s what confuses men. We don’t know the secret language, so we don’t always understand what meaning they got out of something we said. And, for some reason, they often resent telling you.
That said, I think women find us confusing with our saying what we mean, because that’s exactly what is not expected. Plus, there are times when both do the exact opposite of what I say here, but neither knows when the other is doing this.
The main reason women have it easier is that they more readily communicate with each other what they’ve learned about men. And, frankly, it’s easier to learn to take something at face value than it is to learn a whole new language.
I was hoping to see some insight from female commentators. However, you’ve managed to REACT rather than reply.
For the future I’ll make a note of phrasing:
Are men and women mutually confusing to each other be their very nature?
And yes, I meant… are women confusing “TO MEN” <— Self evident
Oh Judith, maybe one day we will all take the time to stop and think for a moment and maybe we’ll learn to understand each other rather than take offence to the possibility of being criticized. Maybe sometimes, we can just stop assuming people’s intentions and take things for face value and maybe contribute something decent.
THANKS TO ALL OTHERWISE MEN AND WOMEN WITH GOOD THOUGHTS!!!
Some would cite an evolutionary development of womens brains to be less obvious of intentions or meanings, because they need to use social skills to achieve goals instead of strength, or things along that line. I haven’t really looked too far into that subject. It might be interesting to see if those ideas have any rational basis. I’m also curious about the ‘to men’ part. I have heard women claim they are not confusing to each other, when men say they are. And men do the same thing when the situation is reversed. Is this true, or just a tactic in the ‘battle of the sexes’?
I’ll get a response many will think of out of the way now.
Person of one sex: (explanation)
Person of opposite sex: I’m confused.
While we’re talking about mutual confusion, can you tell me why the presence of a dartboard turns men into competitive louts with the social graces of a caveman? A bunch of us went out for drinks and somehow the guys thought it was okay to completely ignore the two girls present and devote all their time to the dartboard without even asking if we wanted to play. Somehow this is okay. :dubious:
Well its not okay. I think men tend to hover towards goal achieving tasks regardless of whether the goal is meaningful or not. Often they’ll neglect things both sexes should probably find much more important. Things like behaving politely, being considerate, taking time to listen. It can be difficult for a man to “switch off” the male drive.
Often times I realize that when a woman is angry with a man and the man is confused as to the reasons. It may be likely that she is annoyed because of his failure to behave with consideration, and the lashing out can come out in other situations. It also may be expected of the man to realize that the reason for new arguments that are seemingly irrelevent are actually the continuation of something that happened prior to said argument, and although it would seem strange to a man, it can often times be very justified to a woman, and rightfully so.
Maybe discerning the meaning of a statement can be considered reading too deep. But maybe taking things at face value is ignorant. People are capable of acting in many different ways. I guess gender affects what a person might lean towards.
Then again I’m not sure how the gay community views all of this. Maybe they have some insight looking from a different perspective?
Any gay girls or guys with some thoughts out there???
I mean what is it for the gay community? Do you feel the same way about the opposite sex, in terms of confusing behavior? Or would you consider this a relational thing that happens between you and the one you love regardless of sex or sexuality?
But see you were asked, the guys looked at each other, the dartboard, grunted and that was all they needed. The women didn’t understand that at the same time they were also invited, but didn’t join in so to the guys they weren’t interested in playing.
I’ve been reading a bit on this by a woman named Deborah Tannen. Though not fully the idea, mean communicate to express ideas and get information. They also like to debate, one up, compete and such. Where as when women communicate they want more a emotional connection with the person they are talking to and don’t feel the need to debate. Women also like to gossip and share secrets because it creates a better bond between the people talking. Now that’s really generalized, but that’s the jist I got out of her books. They are quite interesting, and have helped me especially when talking to my wife.
Well, now that I’ve had a good cry over the OP, allow me to offer a pointless antidote.
My husband and I miscommunicate all the time. The other day while we were out, he asked me if I wanted to go somewhere else or go home. I hemmed and hawed and tried to find out which he’d rather do, and he got annoyed and said, “I wish you’d just tell me what you want!”
I said, “Well, I can see a lot of pros and cons here…if we go on to Home Depot, we can get that thing we need to do that thing, and it’ll save gas, and we won’t have to go out tomorrow, etc.
On the other hand, if we do it now, we’re not going to get home until seven, and that’s going to make dinner late, and if we go out tomorrow, we can also stop by that other place, etc.
So that’s why I’m trying to find out what you want. I honestly don’t know what I want!”
I saw a lightbulb appear over his head. He had thought I was just trying to be nice. :dubious:
I’m not really getting this either. I’m female, and I think I’d just ask if I wanted to play darts. Though I don’t really like darts, so I don’t think I’d mind terribly being left out either.