Nature made us this way so men would like us? Men like to fix things and think analytically so they will never figure us out. 
I found an interesting article regarding suspicion. It has proven that women when taking a dose of testosterone become more suspicious than they would have been.
It has not been tested on men.
I’m not sure what the idea is but I guess If your a woman and your testosterone is higher, your not going to be very trusting.
I don’t think that praising yourself for being difficult to figure out is a good idea. Maybe mystery and excitement are good when your meeting a person or falling in love. But maintaining a relationship by confusing your partner will likely lead to arguments and eventually the end of the relationship
The goal is probably more along the lines of, how do you maintain an honest and trusting relationship.
I feel like problems often arise because people feel like the other doesn’t understand is being selfish or isn’t paying attention.
It’s important to see that the person who may seem like these things because of how the acted, may not be selfish. They are more likely feeling the same way about you. Instead of criticizing and proving how right and justified you are, the goal should be to work things out. Put your anger aside, and swallow your pride. This goes for both men and women.
A healthy relationship is built around a foundation of understanding.
When you are wrong , admit it. When you are right, do not force another to concede. It takes a strong will to do so.
Am I the only person in the world, male or female, who never found the opposite sex particularly confusing? If you’re involved in a situation directly of course it can be hard to see what’s going on but that’s because you’re too close to it. So often when people complain about not understanding why someone would do something it seems pretty painfully obvious.
You don’t to be a man to look at HazelNutCoffee’s situation and say 1) Why didnt you ask to play if you wanted? and 2) No, if you all went out together it wasnt very polite to ignore half of the group all night playing darts.
People’s motivations seem pretty straightforward to me. I never understood the desire to analyze everything in terms of communication styles and goal orientation and whatever else. Some dudes wanted to play darts and they didn`t think to ask the women with them if they wanted to play too. Do we really need to drag evolution into it?
Why should the male have to “switch off”? That’s insulting. Howsabout she gets up off the barstool and comes to play darts? How about if she makes her feelings known so that people can react to them?
I just got yelled at two days ago because I didn’t go to this party that was important to my girlfriend. Thing is, this party was in early April!! Two months later, I’m getting yelled at for not considering her feelings. Why did I miss the party? Because I had to travel to sell my house that specific weekend- no other weekend would do. It was absolutely necessary that I miss the party.
Her- “You don’t consider my feelings!”
Me - “Oh, I considered them. Then I ignored them.”
And she got all offended! Why? Allow me to translate for you, in her mind:
Her- “You didn’t do what I wanted you to do.”
Me - “So? I don’t care what you think.”
Got that, guys? “Consider my feelings” actually means “do what I tell you”. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why women are so confusing. They refuse to say what they mean. They refuse to actually engage in conversation directly. Why? They’ve got their reasons. But the point is, that’s the major difficulty right there.
I’ll let someone debate whether the women should clean up their language or if men should try to read into it. And I realize I’ve generalized heavily here, but hey- that’s what happens when you talk about 3,000,000,000 people.
I have a good female friend (drinking buddy, not “with benefits” type of friendship) with whom I’ve traveled fairly extensively (multi-week trips), and we get along remarkably well, with no drama save for the deliberately ironical kind concocted for the sake of entertainment. At one point, she said to me that the hardest thing about dealing with me for extended periods of time is that she has to take everything I say at face value; if I say I’m okay about taking a detour that is fifty miles out of the way to go look at some historic farmhouse or stop to look at cows, that I’m actually indifferent about it and won’t sulk or throw some kind of fit later. Conversely, if I really want to do something, I’ll speak up, but I’m mostly happy to just go along with whatever she plans to do and provide logistical support, navigation, meteorology estimation, culinary and mixological labor, Frankenheimer-inspired road skills, and my fair share of the bill, while her division of labor is referencing the guidebooks, making reservations, laundry, making errant observations about the scenery that I can lampoon by responding, “You’ve lived a sheltered life, haven’t you?”, the bulk of interaction with the teeming mass of unwashed humanity, and reminding me that I’m on vacation and shouldn’t be checking work e-mail more than two or three times a day. It took us two or three years of friendship to get to this point, and I shudder at the thought of having to do this with a woman with whom I’m also have romantic interactions and the underlying stuff that goes along with that.
Now I don’t think it is fair to say that all men say what they mean and don’t engage in childish passive-aggressive behavior because this is clearly not the case. But in general, men are more linear in their communication even (or perhaps especially) in their deceptions. Most of the time when a woman doesn’t understand what a man is telling her or what his behavior means, it is because she is either willfully ignoring the obvious (“Why isn’t he calling you back? 'Cause he’s just not that interested in you.”), or because they’re trying to assign multiple layers of motivation that just don’t exist and wouldn’t even occur to the guy. On the other hand, as a guy I’ve completely missed on things that women friends have told me are stupidly obvious to them.
And it’s very clear, if you’ve ever had the questionable pleasure of being in the middle of a group of women who are attempting to deconstruct some other poor bloke’s words and actions, that they spend a vast amount of time and effort and obtain considerable enjoyment from sussing out the hidden motivations and character from sparse clues, and are disappointed when there isn’t any substance or mystery to detect. Hence a major reason why “nice” guys who throw everything out there, “finish last”.
Stranger
It’s true! But then sometimes I can’t figure out if we should paint each other’s nails and dish on hot boys. We can’t paint our nails, and have a pillow fight! It would mess up our nails!
No, we don’t. This is my problem with Deborah Tannen’s research. She ascribes things to evolution and brain wiring, when to me, it’s clearly a cultural barrier. Girls are raised to be girls and guys are raised to be guys. Some people, like yourself, break out of that stereotyped culture. Some people, like me, are perfectly happy with gender roles. And for most people (probably both of us too), it’s somewhere on a spectrum. It’s not evolutionary conflict that makes “women confusing”, it’s a clash of culture.
Probably.
Not only do I find men to be somewhat confusing, a lot of other women are confusing too! Of course, when it comes to other women, the confusion isn’t along the lines of is she interested, but things like: what made you look in the mirror after getting dressed and decide that’s a flattering look? why can’t you figure out that the reason none of the women or married men we work with like you is because you use men’s sexual interest in you to get your way? And, most frequently - how the hell did you decide that comment X meant Y?
I figure men must find other men confusing at times too, or there’d be a lot less fights that end with one man being completely baffled about what just happened.
I don’t find any gender confusing. Some people are full of shit, and some people are not. Figure who is who, and deal with them accordingly.
I’m probably oversensitive due to having dealt with this issue in a previous relationship, but I’ll tell you that I get prickly when my behavior and my words get lumped into what “women” do.
I understand that there are differences between men and women. I get that, evolutionarily speaking, we are specialized to accomplish different tasks: women nurture, men hunt and gather (or whatever). We are, however, an evolved species and we have a little thing called communication. Be clear when you speak. Listen attentively when someone else is talking. Hear them, not what you imagine they might be saying. Ask questions if you don’t understand. If you yourself are unclear about your motivations (as in the Dung Beetle example) say that too. “I’m still figuring how how I feel about X.”
I have found that by ignoring an impulse to analyze what a man (or woman) might be saying, I can instead focus on what he or she has actually said. I can’t say my husband and I always are in sync and understand one another perfectly, but I must say that we both are interested in each other’s analysis, thoughts and feelings and always try to place what is being said over any overarching agendas of our own. Having been in relationships where this is not the case, I have to say it is refreshing and wonderful to have my words taken at face value and it not be assumed I have some sort of hidden, mysterious agenda all the time.
MOL, voice of reason as usual. I don’t understand why we have to demonize evil women or pervy men or projectile pooping babies. (Well. Maybe projectile pooping babies.) Just live and let live. And it never wins you any friends when you ask “Why are all [women/men/black people/etc.] _____?”
I’m the opposite. I’d figure that if they wanted or didn’t mind if I played, they’d ask me. Since they just started playing without asking if I did, that would (to me) seem to be a pretty obvious sign they don’t want me playing or would at least prefer I not.
I’d like to point out for a second that I don’t want to state that men and women are 100% exactly the same; there are some differences, some of which are natural, and some of which are cultural. Still, if you’re having some issue figuring out people who you have simply grouped as “women” (or “men,” for that matter), the issue is probably you. It would probably be in your best interest to try to figure out what the deal is with that particular person, instead of dismissing it as, “Well, that’s just womenfolk.”
POINT TAKEN DUDE… Point friggin taken
THREAD OVER
POST= answered by awesomnesss
Melvin Udall is the main character of AS GOOD AS IT GETS.
played by jack nicholson.
Is there any truth to this quote? Or were the writers just trying to give some special qualities to the character…
I’d like to point out for a second that, you sound like instead of trying to work things out you say OH THEYRE FULL OF CRAP and go on your merry way.
Also we’re on a message board because these things are interesting and fun to discuss. We is be on Straight Dope.
This = how powerful a fart has to be to make you airborne
OR
why do men want to throw up when they get kicked in the balls
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRREEESSSSSSSSSS
But opinion noted, and everyone is entitled to their opinion. Regardless of them being a childless lonely old hag
zOMG! YOU ARE TOTALLY RIGHT! I WISH YOU WERE HERE TO POINT THIS OUT TO ME SOONER!!!
I don’t think it sounds like that to me at all. We’re talking about abstract differences, but what if we made it more concrete? What if you asked, “this guy cooked me dinner last night and he got really upset when I said it tasted like vomit. Why are men so sensitive about cooking? Is it because they’re not socialized to cook from a young age the way women are and are therefore insecure about it?” Would we be going on our merry way to tell you he wouldn`t be wrong to be upset and that it’s probably got nothing to do with being a man?