The thing that morons who pick fights want the most is for you to fight them. They’d like you to take a couple swings at them and them to return a few.
What they really don’t want is for you to press assault charges on them when they hit you and you never lay a finger on them.
So in either case I really wouldn’t mind taking a punch just so I can ruin the guys week/month by giving him a criminal record and forcing him to cough up money for a lawyer.
A) You’re a pussy!
Me) Yep!
A) Step outside!
Me) Nope!
A) (calls my wife a bitch)
Me) (duck and cover, calls for an ambulance for the guy once the wife is done with him)
Here is how my wife once responded to being called a bitch by a stranger: “Why, yes. Yes, I am. Thank you for noticing. I get really tired of having to hunt down old ladies and step on their insteps to make my bitchiness clear.”
But what if breaks one of your teeth in half? Is it really worth it?
In my experience, those assholes get their come-uppance when they eventually meet someone who’s just as much of an asshole. Of the 5 or 6 people who abused me in life, 1 was shot to death and 2 ended up going to jail. Probably the others met similar fates.
- My hubby probably would be oblivious, and we would walk on. He tends to be in his own little accountant/IT world.
- As said above, I would say, “Yes, I am. And proud of it.”
- To get a physical reaction from me, hurt one of my children. You will instantly get all the attention you can handle.
I work as a Bouncer, so I’m deeply familiar with the concept of a bar fight. I don’t spend a great deal of my off-hours in bars, and when I do, it’s almost exclusively in the same places I work.
Name calling? Nope, won’t get a rise out of me. The barking of small dogs, etc…
Want to go outside? Well, that sort of statement to me will probably get you dragged outside, on a work night. Odds are I won’t do any hitting, but you won’t enjoy the experience. Want to take a swing at me? Again, probably not going to work out well for you.
When I’m off shift? Nope, you go on out, I’m going to stay here and drink my beer.
Call my girlfriend names? If I’m dating her, I’d hope she’s emotionally mature enough to shrug off some idiot’s remarks.
Slap her ass? Well, that will get a firm “Do NOT do that again”. No threats, no more details, just “Don’t”. If He does? Well, that will again most likely lead to the me dragging them outside situation
I’m not the biggest, not the strongest, not the toughest guy around, but I’m a fair combination of all three and I’ve got a lot of practical, “real-world” experience in bar fights, and odds are, you’ll be dealing with me on my home ground.
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I’d probably thank the guy for his input, somewhat sarcastically. If he persisted, I’d probably question exactly what his problem was, then start ignoring the dude. Hopefully this wouldn’t be something to fight over, but if so, so be it.
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I’d probably say something like “You got the wrong girl buddy.” A slap on the ass would escalate things quickly. Either he’d get thrown out of the bar or we’d have a problem.
Wow. Most of you guys are really good. I guess I’m a bit of a hothead, so I won’t get into what I have done and would probably do again if even tangentially provoked. It’s probably a good thing I don’t go to bars. 
"Look…clearly there has been a misunderstanding. We aren’t looking for any trouble so we’ll just be… "KAPOW!!! SURPRISE HEADBUTT!!!
Seriously though. Who actually does that? Do people actually “go outside” to start a fight anywhere other than old movies?
I agree with Chimera. Generally the best policy is not to allow yourself to be drawn into some bullshit conflict, but you maintain your vigilance.
And if some dude calls my Lady a bitch, you can be damn sure I’m going to call HIS lady something at least as bad.
Ask me again after a few drinks. “You wanna fight??!! THEM’S FIGHTIN WORDS!!”
I would ignore him most likely. If ignoring him wasn’t working as an option, I would let the bartender know and the guy would be thrown out. (I pretty much only go to one bar and the bartender takes good care of me. he’s tossed people out that I’ve complained about before)
My SO would probably handle that himself. If they persisted in touching him that way, I would probably just move us away from the person.
Speaking as a lady, I don’t think I would get into a fistfight. I can’t vouch for not getting into a argument, though, because my mouth gets away from me sometimes given sufficient provocation (not often, but it’s happened).
If someone insults me/slaps my ass/acts disrespectfully to me in front of my husband? I think I’d probably want him to say something if I didn’t (sometimes when people act disrespectfully to me it surprises me so much that I don’t say anything right away). I wouldn’t expect him to start a big fight for me.
Missed this. Touching my SO’s butt? Hoo-boy. Any unsolicited, overly-friendly physical contact in my presence and the bloke’d probably be digging a fork out of his trachea. I wouldn’t have wanted to do it, but that was the first thing that flashed in my mind when reading that line, so I’d probably do it before thinking about the consequences. I’m not a big guy, but I have a hair-trigger temper.
I also thought ‘taking it outside’ was only in the movies.
My SO is a tall, strong ex Marine who would probably laugh in the guys face if he tried to start something a la situation 1.
If the guy touched me, I’m kind of curious actually whether my SO would go after him or be dragging me off. The latter more likely.
A few new years eve’s ago, I got into an argument with an acquaintance at a bar, which ended with him blowing smoke in my face and me immediately responding by splitting his lip with the back of my hand. The only thing note worthy about that incident is that I did not even think about what I was doing before I did it. I am neither proud nor ashamed of that, more of stating that if someone gets physical toward me, I tend to react before I think about it.
This.
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Pussy? Really? He gets a raised brow and guffaw from both me and my SO. And it’s too cold right now to step outside.
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If someone called me a bitch or grabbed my ass, I’d hope I’d react and throw a drink at him or scratch his face. But honestly, in that type of situation I’m usually too stunned to react. I’d hope my SO’s growly voice and muscles would be enough to scare the jerk off. Actually, this sort of thing did happen once – some asshole grabbed my boob – and the SO and his male friend didn’t really understand what had happened (we’d all had a bit to drink). They’d been under the impression that I knew the guy, and that he’d been reaching over me and grazed my chest. Uh uh. I wasn’t mad that they hadn’t kicked his ass (he fled the scene post-grope), but I did feel very gross and violated for a while afterwards.
Words? Like others, I’d laugh them off. Can’t think of very much anyone could say to make me want to fight them.
Also with the smacking, I’d try to diffuse it or stop it any way I could to stop a fight.
Bottom line: never been in a fight, and I really don’t want to be in one. Because I might really hurt someone, and then just not stop. I have a bad man living in my head.
Or you might just catch a beating. You don’t really know what will happen after the first punch is thrown. Which is why getting into brawls with strangers isn’t really the best idea.
The last actual incident I was involved in that was similar to what the OP describes was probably about 5 years ago. I’m with my buddy and a couple of girls and this drunk dude in the bar kept hassling the girls. So I physically position myself between them and politely tell him to calm down. Anyway, this fat clumsy drunk oaf who can barely stand starts trying to manhandle me so I just sort of effortlessly deflect him around the room. He persists and I don’t like to be touched so now I’m starting to get all fired up. You know where it’s like “I’d really like to hit this punkass.”
Eventually his friend and my friend come over and more or less calm the situation down. I ended up leaving shortly thereafter anyway though because now I’m still all fired up andI can’t relax because I have to keep watching this asshole out of the corner of my eye to make sure he’s not still looking for a fist to put his face in.
- De-escalation if at all possible.
Pfeh, so he calls me a pussy, big deal. My response: “Whatever, dipshit.”
If he persists, eye contact with the bouncer or the bartender, assuming he hasn’t already noticed the loudmouth, and a glance at said gasbag is probably all that’s needed. Heightened attention for the rest of the evening in the event that he calms the fuck down in lieu of getting thrown out.
If he asks me to step outside, look him up and down and reply something along the lines of, “What, do you think you’re still in high school or something?” Pay attention to body language while this is going on, in case he’s trying to engage my attention to get me off guard while he sucker-punches me.
- See first point in the event of name-calling.
Smack on the ass gets a stern warning not to do that again. That’s an assault, and will not be tolerated.
Any aggressive move by him at this point is going to earn instant and nasty violence. I’m a guy, but like WhyNot, I have no interest in fighting fair. I know how to fight, and I have no hesitation in using my training when I know an altercation is inevitable.
I have in past fight just evaded the guy’s attacks, but if I’m with someone else and it’s not just me, things get a lot more serious. Someone is going to get hurt at that point, and I’m going to do my absolute best to make sure it’s not my companion or me.
It’s not really worth sticking around much longer with either situation. I’d much rather avoid a fight than get involved in one. I’m not a fan of either jail or the hospital, and having been in some truly nasty situations I know I’ve got nothing to prove to anyone.
I’d control my environment. Which means I wouldn’t go into the kind of a place where that crap would happen to start off with.
See answer to #1.
However, if somehow the ass smack happened, my response would be to sit back and watch SWMBO turn him over her knee and spank him.
Really if it comes down to violence, the best approach is to just completely back down like a big pussy. Then when he isn’t looking and his guard is down, sucker hit him with a pool stick or bottle or an 8-ball wrapped in a sock or something.
He can file a complaint later with the International Federation of Street Brawling from the hostpital.
Does that happen a lot anyway? I mean some total stranger walking up to someone and calling them a pussy? I mean someone who isn’t already so drunk no one in their right mind would take them seriously?
What I’ve generally seen in your typical bar confrontation is you will have a guy or group of guys who are drunk and getting drunker. As they get drunker, they get more loud and more obnoxious. Then they start trying to pull little stupid bullshit they think they can get away with - obnoxious comments, grabbing a passing girls ass, stealing stuff from behind the bar, acting imposing in a passive agressive way (ie blocking people from passing, bumping into people,etc), dancing around like an idiot. The situation usually escalates when they bump into or make a comment to the wrong person or grab the wrong guy’s girlfriend’s ass and the guy says something. Our drunk friend thinks he’s invincible and the other guy is legitimately pissed off so neither backs down until they are either scuffling on the floor or are ejected by the bouncers.
Oh, and it sounds like a lot of dopers are either overestimating the strength and power of their girlfriends or they are dating some really brutish women. Just because your girlfriend turns into a screetching shrew whens she’s pissed at you and you would never think to hit her, don’t think that some guy might not give her a pimp slap for mouthing off.