Men, check in if you've ever been groped unwillingly

[gallows_fodder]

@DiosaBellissima

I think the key difference here that’s making it hard for, say, female Dopers to understand the disconnect between posts like this and their experience is. . . well, in what you describe there, you were mildly annoyed, but not actually afraid. It doesn’t sound like you ever felt at risk for being violently raped, assaulted, or physically intimidated by these women, so it was less disconcerting.

Surely, I definitely don’t label all gropings as the same. The ones from random, slighter built dudes copping a feel of my ass as I walk by barely even register, whereas the ones where the guy has a foot and 50 pounds on me, all while cornering me or something. . . those are way more traumatizing.

I guess my point is: in general, I suspect female on male groping is less traumatizing for the victim because there is less of that whole power imbalance. Now, there are definitely physically or psychologically intimidating women, so please don’t think I’m saying it never happens. Rather, I’m just sort of babbling about the thoughts floating around in my head right now :).

Now, I do suspect the school bullying described upthread is more in line with the experience of the average woman, since you are physically intimidated and potentially worried about your life.

Absolutely.

I think another part of is is that there is a general sense of entitlement floating around in our culture, that women are not human beings with lives of their own but are here for men’s pleasure, and some men cannot grasp the concept that they are not entitled to comment on and touch women without permission. So when you as a woman run up against an asshole who believes that shit, it’s jarring because not only have you been touched without your permission but you have to deal with the fact that someone saw fit to treat you like you (your opinion, your will, your feelings) don’t matter and that society brofists him for it and scorns you.

[QUOTE=Sanity Challenged]
Twice at different parties (at the same house, coincidentally) by women who had neither the looks nor the personality to be attractive to me. Both were rather persistent, and I felt miserable and trapped. Various people at the party were encouraging the girls and offering me high fives, and I knew that if I resisted verbally I’d be the butt of all the jokes at the party. Resisting physically was right out, as I was at this point an adult and a very non-violent one, and besides that I’d risk getting my ass kicked by half the guys at the party and/or getting arrested. In one instance I had been driven there by friends, and in both I had had too much to drink to drive myself, so I pretty much had to settle for being stuck on the wrong end of the social contract.
[/quote]

Man, I’m sorry you went through that. It fucking sucks, doesn’t it, that feeling of being trapped and having no recourse. It sucks that men are pressured into keeping silent when they’re touched unwillingly because god forbid they violate the man rule that says they have to be up for sex any time any place with anyone.

I have never understood why we don’t as a culture make a point in teaching children to respect others’ bodily autonomy the same we we uniformly teach them to share their toys and not hit each other from a very early age.