Men: do servers ever criticize your food choices?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’ve been overweight for most of my life, and then reduced down to about 110 lbs 5 years ago (I’m 5’4") and stayed there.

It should go without saying that my food choices were criticized by servers when I was overweight. It was always something like, “that’s a lot of food” or somesuch. I thought the problem would go away when I slimmed down, but if anything, it’s intensified. I regularly get super-size meals and 25% of the time there’s some sort of comment. And it’s nothing -that- ridiculous, usually one big sandwich and one big order of fries.

The most ridiculous example… When I was at a particularly thin point (105 lbs) I got a soup & half-sandwich combo at Altlanta Bread Company… I requested a panini as the half-sandwich… the server rudely said “but it’s a very big sandwich”. It’s a HALF SANDWICH for DINNER you freak!

Most rude comment, was when I was eating at an Ethiopian restuarant (at around 110 lbs), we did separate orders, and the server complained that I ordered enough food for 2 people. About a month later I go to the same restaurant, get the same food, and my male friend does the ordering instead of me and also we didn’t order for a specific person, just 3 meals for 2 people, and the server cheerily took it.

See, the thing is, I’ve polled all my male friends, ranging from obese to underweight, and none of them have had a server comment on their food choices. BTW from what I’ve seen, females and males comment equally. So have you males ever had a problem with this?

2

Uh…I am a waiter and a man.

I work at a restraunt that is known for having large portions. If one person were to order a double order of Fajitas I would caution them that this a great deal of food. I don’t really care what size they are. I wouldn’t make the comment to address the size of the person, just information that this is probably more than they want to eat for a single person.

I think maybe you are taking this to heart more than you should…

3

First, well done on taking your body back. It must have been a real challenge. So, good for you.

I’m of the female persuasion and of good body weight and I have had people make comments when I order. There are usually 2 reasons. First, some waitstaff will let you know if the portions are large because it is their job to be helpful and get a good tip. Some menus say enough for sharing and the like. I usually order a large portion so I have lunch for the next day. Yes, I’ll take the 2 chimichanga dinner even though 1 is as big as my head. But I’ve got lunch for the next day or two. I’ll get a raised eyebrow now and then. I’m thick-skinned, I can take it.

And then there are the staff that are just rude. Rude. Rude. Rude. I have an obese mother who would order large amounts of food and sometimes I would order the starters for her so she didn’t have to get “the look”. My dad would usually order for the table when we had the whole family there. And there were times that I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs at buffets and the like when customers would stare and snicker when she got up to get her meal.

So, my suggestion, if you are the kind of person to feel comfortable doing this, is when someone says something you find offensive, just look at them with shock and say, “Excuse me?!?” And watch them stumble for an answer. Not, “Excuse me, I can order what I wish” or things like that. Just a simple, “Excuse me?!?”. Watch 'em squirm.

4

Maybe. The bitter memory of life as an overweight woman still burns very deeply inside me. However, I do think that there is a definite bias. I don’t eat out at sit-down restaurants often, except for Ethiopian, simply because it’s expensive. Like I said, it’s usually a large sandwich and a large side. Quarter pounder with cheese & supersize fries, that sort of thing.

These are the comments I’ve gotten:
“Are you sure you want all that?”
“Are you sure you should be eating that?”
“Wow, that’s a lot.”
“Are you sure you don’t want a regular cheeseburger?”
etc…

Also note that half a panini at Altanta Bread Company isn’t big… perhaps the size of a McDonald’s hamburger bun and very flat. It was a vegeterian panini too.

In the Ethiopian case, though, it was, like…
Me: “We’ll have a special for 2 and I’ll have collard greens too.”
Waitress: “You’re eating enough food for 2 people.”
Me: “So?”
And the waitress was so pushy after that, I wound up skipping the collard greens too.

Then, my overweight, large male friend orders at the same place, and has the same waitress:
Him: “We’ll have a special for 2 and [a meal of lamb] to go with it.” She had no problem. I dunno, I got the impression that she was from another country, maybe it’s immoral for a woman to eat more than a man or something.

My brother used to order 4 quarter pounders–yes, 4 quarter pounders–in college and he says that he never got any kind of comments or suggestions that he’s eating too much.

We’ve all heard the stories where a grocery clerk rudely comments on a fat woman’s food choices in a shopping cart. I’ve never heard or read a story where a 300-pound man hauls a cart full of junk and the clerk belittles the choices…

but, I reiterate, you could be right and I could just be oversensitive.

5

sj2, thanks, it wasn’t actually that hard to lose weight, it just took a long time, at about half a pound a week. I think people tend to fail at diets because (1) they’re too impatient to lose weight slowly and get discouraged, or (2) if they lose weight too fast, they get into “starvation mode” and their metabolisms slow down way much. But I disgress.

You’re right on about the 2 reasons a waitperson might comment on choices, and I completely empathize with your mother. Extra appetizers and buffets do not make a person fat overnight, and “The Look” is a dreadful thing to bear.

GREAT advice, not insulting AND makes the server feel like a jerk. Will do just that, and grow thicker skin too!

6

I hate rude servers too. I have been known to take my coworkers down a peg or two when I have heard them being rude to a guest. (not in front of the guest of course.)

4 Quarter pounders? Pfff…I used to get them in a 6-pack when I was in Highschool! And I didn’t weigh over 150lbs at the time. Hah!

7

I just wanna know how the OP eats large sandwich and fries and stays at 105! You must spend a lot of time on the treadmill. :smiley:

8

I often have lunch with my company’s Hot IT Guy. He’s one of those bottomless-pit-type men, causing him to eat things like four tacos, nachos and a jumbo burrito at a Mexican place. (It’s actually kind of gross and fascinating the amount of food he can consume). Anyway, one day he was stuck at his desk, so I ran out to a sandwich place to get food. I end up at the counter ordering a thing of soup (my lunch), a pint of potato salad, a large roast beef sub with extra meat, and a package of cookies (his lunch. Well, I had a cookie). Thus ensues:

Deli Lady: You said extra roast beef?
Me: Yes, please.
DL: That’s ½ lb of meat. [Or whatever it was. ¼ lb?]
Me: It’s for my friend, I’m just repeating it as ordered.
DL: (Sandwich making. She puts it on the counter) Anything to drink?
Me: Diet Coke, please.
DL: (rudely) Diet soda’s not going to help you very much there.
Me: (startled, defensive—I am on the chubby side and this shit makes me uncomfortable) It’s not my sandwich.
DL: (patronizingly) Of course.

People are so rude! Hot IT Guy volunteered to go back there and show her he was real (He wanted to know why I was fuming into my soup). I asked him if people ever commented when he ordered tons of food, and he said sometimes waitresses chuckle at him, but no one has ever been rude about it, or implied he should eat less.

PucksRaven, my roommate, gets people commenting on how little she eats. Waitresses interrogating her about whether she really liked it, or ‘Are you sure you don’t want a box?’, and generally looking at her like she has some kind of eating disorder. She just stops eating when she’s full. Really. It’s not her fault the portions were bigger than her stomach.

9

Fairly average-sized male here. Never gotten a comment like that from a server. It truly shocks me to read this thread and see how people working in a service-based business can be so rude! It’s one thing to inform someone that a certain item is larger than one might reasonably expect, and it’s another thing to make comments about your customer’s eating habits. If I got a comment like that from a server, I would immediately inform his/her manager, and then I would go eat somewhere else unless the manager offered me a free meal or something. And if I ran a food service of any kind, I would not tolerate comments like that–you insult a customer, your ass is out the door. (Within reason, of course. Some people might be instigated and pushed by the customer to make a comment they regret later.)

10

[QUOTE=dre2xl]
I’ve been overweight for most of my life, and then reduced down to about 110 lbs 5 years ago (I’m 5’4") and stayed there.

It should go without saying that my food choices were criticized by servers when I was overweight. It was always something like, “that’s a lot of food” or somesuch. I thought the problem would go away when I slimmed down, but if anything, it’s intensified. …

[QUOTE]

NOt a man, but rudely wandering in anyway. May I ask, dre2xl, whether at your current 105-110lbs weight, you ever get told you are too thin… The reason I ask is that I am now about 102 pounds and am just udner 5 ft 2 inches, and my blasted mother will NOT stop complaining that I have got far too thin. (This after a few decades of complaining I was too fat, of course. :frowning: ) So I reckon you and I are about equivalent, that’s all, and as far as I can see, it’s about the “right” weight/height ration insofar as such a thing exists - just looking for proof that my mum is nuts, really! :slight_smile:

As for the question, well, as I said, not a man, but it might be relevant to remrk that I have often eaten with a (female) friend who used to weigh approx 230lbs, yet I never recall comments being made to her. Perhaps it’s a more “up-front” attitude from the coutner staff in the USA? It strikes me as very rude, though, although I do sort of see that sometiems the staff are jsut politely forewarning you that the portions might be too much for you to want to finish. Still , some of the purchases you mention were for a takeaway lunch, weren’t they? In which case, there would be no big problem in just keeping what was left and putting it in fridge.

11

I hope you countered with, “Well, I could always tip enough for just 1 entree…”

But to answer your question - I’m a male, and have never been criticized. I’m 5’11", 195 lbs. - pretty average. I have been known to order a large amount of food. What server complains about their guests ordering a lot of food?!? More food = larger bill = larger tip! More food + bitchy server = tiny tip.

12

This thread is sort of blowing me away too. I’m a not-terribly-thin female (although I’m short, so perhaps I give the illusion of being “petite”) and I’ve never had remarks like this. (I often dine alone too, so there has been ample opportunity.) Some places have huge portion sizes and because I’ve eaten there before I sometimes ask for a box in advance (but hardly ever). More surprising is that I have been known to indulge in too much alcohol at a meal and yet NO ONE ever has said anything about that. Even I feel the need to point out that I’m not driving or something, but even when it could be a safety issue, no one has mentioned it.

I think the proper response for someone questioning your food intake is “Phew! Good thing it’s NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!”

(Seriously, I’m stunned. Having worked for 10 years in the movie theater industry the push was always to get people to buy MORE food, not make a pious issue of it! WOW!)

13

I can think of a couple of theories why servers don’t say things like that to men:

1.   Female server afraid that the man will think she's flirting.

2.   Male server even MORE afraid that the man will think he's flirting!     :D
14

Regular-weight woman checking in here. I totally sympathize with you, dre2xl. There’s a big difference between a waiter kindly warning you that the item you’re about to order is ridiculously enormous (for example - one appetizer salad at Cheesecake Factory is made from two entire heads of romain - at least, that’s what the waiter tells me) versus a condescending jackass incredulously commenting about how much food you’re about to eat. I’ve experienced simliar problems. I’m not exactly slender now, but when I was training for my first marathon, I’d get huge portions of food, plus an appetizer and salad, and often dessert. I was always starving, and I was pretty small then - at 5’9" I was a size 4-6 then; now I’m a size 10-12. Sometimes I’d order and get some jerk raising an eyebrow at me saying “Um, right, you’re sure you want that? It’s awfully large,” almost as though they’d really rather not give me the food because I couldn’t possibly fit it all in. On the other hand, my closest friend is pretty large, and when she orders a lot of food, some waiters will give her this condescending, oh-I’ll-save-you-from-yourself-honey or you-disgusting-pig look. One particularly haughty woman actually told her “Oh, honey, I think you should get the salad. Do you know how many calories that burger has in it?” Both of us nearly slapped the woman. We wound up calling

Oh, by the way, Celyn, do you think we could perhaps be related? My mom pulls the same crap on me. Every time I start eating something bad for me, she’ll say “Calories, calories calories! Are you sure you want to eat that? You’re not exactly small, sweetie.” While doing that, she’ll be making fat-laden gravies for the family and will get hurt when I refuse to eat more than a small portion. I don’t get it - moms can be perverse creatures sometimes (no offense of course to any of the moms on this board).

15

Sorry - that last sentence first paragraph should be that we wound up asking the manager to give us a different waiter.

16

There’s a public misconception that all girls eat very little, especially smaller girls/women.

I use to manage an Arby’s and there was a 15 year old girl (about your size maybe a tad smaller) who ate a Big Montana for lunch every day. That sanwich is a half pound of roast beef after cooking. I watched her wolf one down one day and my eyes were wide with disbelief, she looked at me, belched, and said “I could probably eat another”.

This was actually a fairly dainty girl, the belch I guess was punishment for my incredulous stare. I’m not a small guy, but she would have put me to shame in an eating contest, and anyone watching would have had their money on me.

My point is, you can’t judge a book by it’s cover, but ignorant people do that all the time. It seems that the expectation for women to eat like rabbits might be hard to get rid of. If I find a solution, I’ll post a link to the book I’ll have written, but by then in might be a NYT bestseller.

17

As a big fat guy I get the opposite comments all the time, when I’m trying to be healthy and eat less, I’ll get the “you sure that’s all you want, hun?”. Usually from Flo type older waitresses. They’re usully well meaning and polite about it, It just doesn’t compute in their world.

Me: I’ll have the half a club sandwhich.
Flo: Any sides?
Me no thanks.
FLo: All you want is half a club Hun? It’s not really that much. You sure you don’t want the whole sandwhich?

And more than once I’ve had them add extra stuff anyway. They’ll throw fries in for free or big ol’ pile of cole slaw, like I was in danger of starving or something.

18

I’m normal weight, 175 for 6’
I once was in a pizza-by-the slice place and asked for two slices.
The guy wanted to argue:
“Do you knwo what you’re ordering?” “Yes”
“These are very big slices.” “I can see them.”
“So just one, right?” “No, still two.”
“But that’s a quarter of a large pie.” “I often split a larg pie with one person.”
“But it’s not dinnertime yet, it’s only 4pm” “I worked through lunch and am hungry now.”
Finally he takes the oreder. And he taps the other guy and points to me an tells of the idiot. And they both shake their heads.

Then he brings me One slice and says “You finish this one and see if you still want me to bring you another.”
I was so mad I slid it back to him, over the counter and all over his shoes.
I said, “You have to go home at some point and I’ll be waiting for you!”
Then I left without paying.

19

I think there are two factors at work

If 250 ibs person orders extra large meal, the food staff thinks ‘Bad, shouldn’t be eating so much, no wonder they are fat’
If 100 ibs person orders extra large meal, the food staff thinks ‘That person is so thin, they can’t eat much, surely they won’t be able to finnish such a meal’.

It then falls to whether the waiter feels they can/should give advice. Unfortunately the OP for some reason falls into the group of people who ‘obviously want unsolicited advice from strangers’. What makes someone fall into that group is a mistery. Being female mioght help put you in that group, eating alone might, having blonde hair might, I have no idea what might, but end up in that group you did. I’d advise embarissing the waiter with something like 'Don’t worry dear, once I’ve finished I’ll use your restroom and puke it all up

20

aha - now - here are 2 theories, Ok not as good as Bippy’s

1 - maybe some food staff live in an old Scottish folk tale, short version of which goes thus. Widowed, poor woman has 3 sons, all must go away, to seek fortune, as often in folk tales. For each son, as he prepares to leave, she bakes a bannock (sort of cake thing - never mind) and asks ”do you wish the half bannock with my blessing, or the whole bannock with my curse?”. First two boys want the whole bannock (with the curse) WRONG MOVE! Third boy does it the other way round, ends up rescuing his brothers from terrible woes and trouble and so on. (Marries pretty princess, lives happily ever after, in case any one could not guess. :slight_smile: )

SO, the OP keeps meeting food servers who are not only in a time warp but in a moral fiction. No? Ok then, I tried! :slight_smile:

  1. too much reading of “Gone With The Wind” - Wasn’t there a bit where the motherly servant (ah hell, slave, sorry) pretty much FORCES Scarlett to eat IN ORDER that she only eat TINY TINY delicate ladylike nibbles when out at the ball or whatever? So they all think that dre2xl is Scarlett, and canot be expected to eat more than an inch of celery? (Celery is in and of itself a “cruel and unusual punishment” but I suppose that is not strictly relevant.)

All right, I admit, I am still flummoxed - I wish there were an answer though! It’s still damn rude to make the customer uncomfortable, and, of course, to presume to know better than the customer what said customer wants to eat.

Still, as for me, I have a plan - I am going to follow Wolfman around adn eat all his free fries and coleslaw. :slight_smile: