No, I have never heard that. What I’ve heard of is what was called a menu muet (“mute menu”), which was a menu without any prices listed, so that the woman could order without worrying her pretty little head over any money at all. sigh
Anyway, my social circle is such that if two people go to dinner, they either go American party (hi, Coldfire!) or the person who’s currently in a better financial situation pays.
No, and no.
It makes me feel like I’m a nice guy. And I don’t want “sexual favors” from women, I want sex. There’s a difference.
[dogbert dismissive hand gesture]
BAH!
I liked it! 
Ok, maybe I did go a little overkill on the fish sauce.
I can’t say that I’ve ever felt powerful after buying dinner. It is more or less required by social pressure that the guy pay for dinner though.
It’s probably part of the reason that I don’t date much. I usually don’t have very much leftover cash at the end of the month, and I can’t see spending it on a girl I may or may not like at the end of the evening.
If there are any female dopers out there in Dallas who would like a handsome and courteous date for an evening, I know a guy… 
–==the sax man==–
It doesn’t make me feel powerful, just polite. Maybe I’m hopelessly old-fashioned but, after all, I invited them out, I REQUESTED the pleasure of their company, and it seems rude to then make them pay.
Alas, women rarely ask ME out to dinner but if that were the case and they wanted to pay, then I would gracefully allow them to do so and hope they wanted to take advantage of me later. S
Testy.
Yeah, that’s what they say. Then it’s, “ugh, LOSER,” or “he’s so cheap,” or “why is this man talking to me? I go to clubs wearing virtually no clothing just to dance with my friends!”
Uke, if you know where the intelligent single women are at, you could become a very rich man.
MR
For frame of reference I did almost all my dating in the early 80’s.
I’m rather embarrassed to admit this after reading the preceeding posts, as I’ve always thought I was rather well mannered; but when a man invites me to dinner I’ve never offered to pay for my own meal.
Of course I paid my own way when I went out to lunch from the office whether I went with men or women.
When I go out with girlfriends, I usually pay my own way unless I declined an invitation saying, I’d love to but I can’t this week (My way of saying sounds fun but I’m broke.) and my friend insists saying she really wants to go out and she’s buying. I often invite friends out to lunch around or on their birthday, in such cases the invitation is a gift and I plan on paying.
As I said above it never occured to me that when a guy invited me out, he might expect or prefer I pay my own way. I really never felt that dating was about power although there was a time or two (usually first dates) where I had the feeling that the guy who invited me felt that touching or intimacy were included with dinner. Nothing makes me less likely to feel touchy feely than for it to be expected. (Ohhhh, I just realized that statement does have undertones of a power struggle. Lemme go think about this some more.)
If he invited you out for a meal, he should have paid. It isn’t much of an invitation if he expects you to pony up the dough, is it? That’s akin to inviting someone to your house for dinner and expecting them to cook when they show up.
On the other hand, if you invited HIM out to dinner, it would be appropriate for you to pay.
I quoted the above because I like paying for my own stuff for that reason. I am ‘giving’ my company because I like being around the person, not for the meal. I’m not a whore, I don’t sell my wonderful personality. (And if I did decide to go pro, it would be for a lot more money than dinner.)
I accept invitations because I want to spend time with them. I pay my own way regardless. Someone paying for my food doesn’t make me feel powerless more than it makes me feel like a mooch. And of all the sins on earth I suffer from pride the most. I want to be a provider too, and if I don’t have the resources, at least allow me to take care of myself. Please, my self respect thanks you.
Like almost everyone else has said, I go by the whoever asks, pays rule of thumb.
When I am visiting out-of-town friends, as is often the case, and we decide to go out to eat, it sometimes becomes a “who can grab the check first” contest, but that is more of a “my gift to you” thing than power.
When local friends and I go out, like my friend Julie and I, every Thursday for dinner then pool, we just pay our own or if one of us is short cash, the other will pay then on the way to play pool, the first will hit an ATM and buy a few rounds at the pool hall.
It all works out, no sense of power or expectation of recompense.
Whew! Glad to hear it, I feel much better now. FTR I’ve never asked a guy out. I don’t know how you guys ever work up the nerve. Even when I was intensely interested, I’d have never been able to work up the courage to ask.
Why yes I feel enormously masculine and overwhelmingly powerful when reaching my huge hand and rippling muscular forearm into the cavernous pocket of my tooled leather jacket and peeling several $ 100 bills off a fat roll to pay for the Cajun tuna Salad, meatloaf special coffees and flan and telling the waitress (who’s been flirting with me natch) to keep the change and get herself something nice to wear.
My “date” of the evening is staring at me with the usual big moon eyes so I move in for the kill confident that another notch will soon be carved into my headboard.
“How about some “dessert” at my place my place darlin’?”
-“Well gosh I don’t know I barely know you and…”
“Tut tut sweetie I’m a real man and you’re all woman what more is there to know?”
-“We’ll I’m just getting out of another relationship and it’s hard to…”
“Another relationship? Hmmm? That didn’t come up during dinner”.
“Humph! He must treat you like a princess for you to keep him around.”
“What a poltroon! Surely you don’t let him touch you!”
“Well. Um…”
-“Thanks for the dinner but I have to get back to my apartment to clean it up a party he’s having tomorrow for his friends. We’ll have to do this again sometime. I’ll call. Toodles.”
Manly sigh
OK, FTR, if you (or your parents) do me the courtesy of feeding me and paying for a movie on occasion, (and IIRC, you paid for my dinner at least once) why is it I can’t repay you the same courtesy every once in awhile? It’s not who owes what, a “payment” for your company, or a matter of “power”; it’s simply a friendly gesture. Think of it as, “I know you can get by on your own just fine, but allow me to be kind and take care of this.”
My line of thought is that you (in general) should accept gifts graciously and, in turn, give generously when the opportunity presents itself. Feel good in the fact that you make the giver feel good.
Okay, my SO and I rarely go out to eat, because since I have discovered a latent talent for cooking, I enjoy cooking for her, and rather than making me feel “powerful” it makes me feel, well, nurturing I guess would be a good word. (Probably my feminine side coming to the fore)
The rare times we do go out (Birthdays, shows etc.), we take turns paying and neither one of us feels either powerful or powerless.
Having said that (which is probably not what you were looking for) I must add that we are both in our early 50’s and do not feel the need to impress one another.
Quasi (who is hurrying to find his Mrs. Byrne’s Dictionary of Unusual, Obscure and Preposterous Words
Hm, come to think of it, the last time I bought a woman dinner I felt momentarily ripped off.
No, not because she didn’t put out, but because she never called back despite appearing very interested in seeing me again. And no, in no way did I expect her to reciprocate in ANY way for the gesture, but part of the reason I insisted on paying was that she seemed to be having such a great time.
Oh, well. She moves to the bottom of the depth chart and may be cut from the roster for salary cap reasons.
Testify brother!
Damn, but that’s the truth (sometimes.) This was almost, sadly, the exact situation with some bint I took out a few times here in Louisville last fall. I enjoyed her company, she enjoyed the free food and drinks.
Okay, I’ve been thinking about this some more. The only time it was ever an issue was here:
My dad is of the old “man pays” school. He’s also of the “take care of your kids” school. Neither of which, as his daughter, I generally mind. But one year I didn’t have time to buy him a birthday gift, so when I heard he was coming through town I said I’d take him out to dinner for his birthday. We had a great meal and then . . . I discovered he’d made arrangments with the waitress to pick up the check.
Bad move, Dad! My feelings were really hurt and I was really kind of mad about it – that he wouldn’t let me buy him dinner even when it was supposed to be my gift to him. He knew immediately that he’d made a mistake, and I couldn’t really hold it against him because he didn’t mean to be a jerk.
So I guess the only time it might make me feel irritated or bad is if some guy absolutely refused to let me pay, under any circumstances, no matter how unusual. (What, my money’s not as good as yours?) And I still think “powerless” is the wrong word; so long as I can afford to buy my own food, I’m not powerless.
I certainly don’t feel powerless if a man buys me dinner.
If it’s a first date and I think things have gone well, if he reaches for the check, I’ll usually say “I’ll get the next one, ok?” If it hasn’t gone well, I’ll usually suggest that I pay half, unless he insists on paying all.
If it’s a semi-regular date, we’ll usually alternate who pays, or he’ll get dinner, I’ll get the movie and drinks or whatever.
If it’s dinner with friends, it varies. With some friends, we just alternate. With others, we split it.
I wouldn’t say I feel powerless when a man pays for dinner, but I do feel awkward on occassion. When I had a boyfriend, I never minded if he picked up the check, though I would sometimes pay for the both of us. It was my attempt to keep things even, so he wasn’t always paying for everythinng.
It’s different when the situation is more ambiguous, like when I’m with a male friend, or a guy who I know is interested in me. I hate the moment the check comes, if I’m not absolutely sure who is going to do what with it. Since a lot of my guy friends start out as romantic interests, I don’t like to let them buy dinner, since that’s something I associate with dates. I always offer to pay my half, at least, but I never want to insist on it.
Ah the joys of internet personals, lots of folks looking for bigger better deals. I dated alot on and off from 94-00. I usually preferred your scenario to finding out they are married 3-4 dates later. I had several lovely ladies who were wonderful companions until that little scheduling problem (pronounced husband) came up.
Manly sigh
I like the inviter pays system, works for me.