A female friend of mine was concerned because her boyfriend had, on several occasions, had to ask her whether she had had an orgasm. She was quite put out that he couldn’t tell. She said, “I mean, I start sweating, and I’m breathing different. Can’t he tell that?”
She asked my husband whether he could tell when I have an orgasm. Now, if this is TMI, skip this post.
The NEIGHBOURS probably know when I have an orgasm. Even if I manage to keep quiet, it’s by stuffing a pillow in my mouth. There’s also, umm, quite a bit of movement, y’know?
My hubby, who later said that the first thought to cross his mind was “How in the hell could I possibly NOT know???” told her yes, he could tell.
Guys, come on. If she started sweating a little, you wouldn’t notice that? Aren’t you paying attention? :rolleyes:
I was once with a girl who made so much noise she woke people up on the third floor…we were in the basement.
Honestly, though, I think it’s nice and all, but simple things like “Ohhh, that’s it” or “that feels good, right there” and the like are good, too. I think I’m fairly sensitive and reactive and creative, but it’s always nice to get that reinforcement that what your doing feels good and sometimes a scream or loud moan just sounds, well, fake. 'Course, for the groups edification, i’d also like to mention that the times when the woman simply can’t speak, but just has to try to catch her breath, well, that’s nice, too.
Anyhow, I later took my rather conservative friend aside and suggested that perhaps some slightly more recognizable visual and audible cues would help. As she was pretty uncomfortable with that idea, I suggested she start slow - grab him hard by the shoulders, or hips, or back.
Seems she tried that out, and both were quite delighted with the results.
I don’t think moans and screams are necessary, but it is nice for some kind of sign that we’re doing something right. How else do we know to keep doing whatever we’re doing? Screaming can backfire though, as the man may think he’s doing an awesome job, when in reality he’s accidentally pulling your hair or something.
Just make sure of two things: that it’s some kind of feedback, and that it’s an honest reaction. No faking, and no exagerating, please. Just let me know if what I’m doing is hot, warm, or freezing your ass off (Which might be your thing, come to think of it).
Overall, I prefer moaning, although making her shout is a pretty nice ego boost.
I don’t know if a gay guy can post to this, but here goes. I really like to have feedback during sex. For example, I’ve been seeing a really cute guy who has been completely deaf from birth, so we can’t communicate easily during sex. However, I’m observant, and if he moans when I’m doing something, I’ll go that much harder. He can’t talk, but we communicate really well in bed just from paying attention to each others’ reactions. You gotta be attentive with your partner and feel the pace of his or her body’s movements.
I think goboy mentioned the key words: being attentive with your partner. It’s amazing how much better you can be at something if you’re actually paying attention, and sex is no exception.
That said, the cues that KimKatt’s friend was giving off might’ve been a bit too subtle to pick up; KK, I’m glad you talked her into being a bit more obvious!
As to the OP, I’m with the consensus here: visible/audible reaction is good, though it doesn’t have to register on the Richter scale. But I have no problem if it does.
We’re both loud. It was for this reason that we decided to rent a whole house to ourselves. As it turns out, the walls are rather thin and the neighbor’s house quite close to ours. Oh well.
I guess I prefer a certain amount of loudness. Doesn’t have to be screaming and shouting, though. I’d have to say my single biggest turn-on is hearing her come.
Now everyone thinks I must just lay there, and appear dead?!!
No - I really don’t. I do talk dirty to him, I do emit soft moans, I do actively participate!!! I just don’t yell YES YES YES at the top of my lungs!!
Feedback. Any kind of response or request is vital! I can’t tell you how many women feel ‘icky’ saying things that work for them or turn them on in the sack. Why not say it and have fun? At that point, your no longer daddies little girl. Speak up!
I like blunt and to the point, with a tad of aggressiveness added to the mix. Tell me to F**k you like an animal!! …and I will. I’ll pull your hands under back and hold them tight enough that you have no control, but loose enough that it doesn’t feel threatening.
Laying there while I work away, keeping your peace, while being tactfull, serves no usefull purpose in the act of downright dirty sex!!
If it’s not working? Tell me how to do it better. If it is working? MOAN! Show me the joy!
Ahem… ::Cough::
Ahh, the O.P.
Feedback is an integral part of a mutual and dymnamic relationship. Without feedback, either positive or negative, the relationship cannot move towards the goal of a meaningfull and emotional bond between two partners.
If you prefer to be vocal, then by all means articulate. If you prefer quiet and suductive, then enjoy the peace and serenity.
So long as you take the time and effort to enjoy the moment as much as your partner, then you have achieved the ultimate goal of mutual and equal gratification.
It’s very nice to hear your partner enjoying themselves. When I was young (pre-sexual activity) I spent a lot of time worrying I wouldn’t be able to give pleasure to my partner. I was quite well-read and the ‘women struggle to reach orgasm’ theme was quite prevelant in my literature (though in retrospect they were old books even then). Regardless, the end result was me being very sensitive when it came to females enjoying it. I adore hearing moans and groans from a partner.
My first girlfriendwas a very heavy moaner and - when it was very good - a screamer, which embarrassed the hell out of her at times but boy did it feed my ego and any residual insecurities I had left over fromat crappy lierature.
