Well, on the one hand, you’re attracted to who you’re attracted to, and that’s hard to change.
But here’s how it works for me, married more than 40 years. My husband looks at me and he sees me how I was. He’s even said, “You never change, how do you do that?”
Of course I’ve changed. He sees the maiden, maybe the mother, not the crone. Although in fairness I’m in pretty good shape and not a hosebeast.
Obviously I am not going to enlighten him and point out my flaws. But basically, the me in his head is the hot young thing he married.
Really it’s kind of the same for me. You don’t see the change from day to day. I took a picture of him with the grandchildren last weekend and when I looked at the picture I thought, “Hm, he’s kind of an…old man.” But in normal everyday interactions I don’t think that. I didn’t even think that when I was taking the picture. Just when I saw it.
Anyway when you see these sad old couples tottering around the grocery store maybe they are thinking that if they got divorced they would never find anyone else ever, being hosebeasts as they are, and therefore they might as well stay together. Or maybe they both see visions in their head of the person they married, ages ago. Maybe they even still have hot sex, although best not to think about that. probably.
Not at all. I am just being the real me. I know there are some attractive older women. I would go out with Lynda Carter in a second if she would have me. I also had an uber-cougar in her 50’s hit on me a couple of years ago. She was pretty hot. I considered going out with her until I realized she had a son a little older than me. Those are the exceptions that prove the rule though at least for me.
"I don’t think it’s at all plausible that the cliché about middle aged men being attracted to younger women is just something made up out of whole cloth.
How do we define hosebeast? Is it just fat or possibly ugly, too?
I’m guessing you’d describe me as a hosebeast. I’m significantly overweight but possibly not ugly. I’ve been with my 47 year old husband for about 4 years now and married for just a little over a year. I’m 43. When we got married, you probably would have considered me even more of a hosebeast than I am now as I was 5-6 sizes larger.
How do we do it? Maybe we have different priorities than you do? Seriously, though, I have always had a type- larger, stocky man with a beard and amongst all his other awesome qualities, my husband fits the bill.
How do you find those of us downtrodden middle aged women attractive? I don’t know. Maybe you could just start with judging us a little less harshly or at least changing the words that you use to describe us.
Sincerely,
Your friendly neighborhood [del]hosebeast[/del] girl
Shagnasty is 44 minus 2 is 42. At the oldest the “uber-cougar” was 59 and the youngest the son was 43. Meaning the "uber-cougar’ had the son at 16. Hmm. I suppose that could be right, just.
Agreed.
I’d also have to say that, while Pepper Mill may not be even close to a 10 on most people’s charts, I still find her very attractive and incredibly sexy. I’d write this even knowing that she’d never see it or hear about it.
Maybe my standards are lower, or I have much greater tolerance range.
Well, not precisely. I’m sure he can see that your hair is grayer than it was when you met, and that your skin isn’t quite as smooth, and so on. But the important point is, when he looks at you, he sees you, and you look like you. It’s not like he’s going to wake up one morning and fall out of love because one more follicle has given up on producing pigment.
Come to think of it, you are right. It wasn’t just a couple of years ago. It was more like 5 or 6. Time is flying for me now too. I am still kicking myself for that one. She was a historical fiction author in great shape and quite hot for her age. She made it blatantly clear that she was only interested in younger men like me at the time. I should have tried it.
French President Emmanuel Macron is 39 and his wife is 64. He fell in love with her when he was less than 17 and she was 41 and married with children.
All accounts say that he was the one who ran after her. He was determined to marry her, despite what anyone said. Later she got divorced and they married. They appear to be very happy.
Do you think these “sad old men” look any more attractive to their “hosebeast” wives as the converse?
“Why are they doing that?” Are you being facetious with this or does it truly boggle your mind that an elderly couple might prefer each other’s company rather than brave the dating scene in their 70’s and 80’s?
Attraction can be based on more than just appearance. Many times I’ve met women who I was not initially attracted to, but upon interacting them, I found them quite attractive. And vice versa – awful people, even beautiful awful people, are less and less attractive the more one interacts with them, in my experience.
Speaking as a guy in his early 50’s I guess I’d have to say that as I have gotten older looks have become increasingly less important to me. I still enjoy looking at hot 20 (or 30 or 40 or 50 or 60…) somethings walking down the street, but as far as components to successful relationships go, looks are but one slice out of the pie. I didn’t plan how my valuation of things would change over time, but that’s how it has worked out.
It happens quite often, but as a 50-something man, I wonder about men 40 and up that want someone 20+ years younger, as that seems like a pretty shallow metric to look for in a life partner, or even a sexual playmate. We’re talking about someone missing decades of life experience, no matter how mature she seems.
And how do these guys not remember their own 20s? Property damage or theft, alcohol and drug abuse, infidelity, jealousy, mental and financial instability, epic fights where the police are called, unplanned pregnancies or pregnancy scares, STDs - that chaos and drama is the milieu of 20-somethings.
Talking to 20-somethings at work it’s clear the amount of just plain stupid shit going on is pretty much the same.
Give me someone who, to quote Louis CK, “has had people come out of her vagina and step on her dreams.”
I’m apparently a slut when it comes to susceptibility to women’s visual attractiveness. I would have happily crawled into bed with most of those 40 year old women you (the OP) mentioned back when I was 20. Now I’m 58 and as far as the visuals go I would date anyone from legal age on up to 70s and would not rule out “and beyond”.
But it’s not just the looks. Sure, I could hop in the sack with a 20-something hottie and have a night of memorable sex. But then there’s the morning after and what the hell would I talk to her about?
It really is communication. SWMBO is 60 and she’s a babe. She’s still hot, but most importantly, she and I talk about everything under the sun. We agree on most things, we disagree on some things, we don’t care about the rest and at the end of the day, I get to scratch her back as she goes to sleep.
Looks are just the wrapping on the package. It’s what’s inside the package that matters.
Sounds like you had some fun. I may be doing things ass backwards. I had a girlfriend and then wife when I was barely 18 to 35. I already have kids, don’t want another wife and just want someone pretty and cool to do things with. That is surprisingly hard to find. I would describe most women my age in my area seem matronly and overly ambitious. I was already married to a corporate VP. That is the last thing I want now even though I keep attracting career climbers and go out with them with the same results. However, I don’t someone that is dumb and poor either. Those two goals may be incompatible.
I didn’t say that at all. I am telling you my preferences but I wish your version was more accurate. I am having trouble finding the right combination.
I’ve been with my 47 year old husband for about 4 years now and married for just a little over a year. I’m 43. When we got married, you probably would have considered me even more of a hosebeast than I am now as I was 5-6 sizes larger.