My husband is a god among husbands this week. Due to my ridiculously protracted illness (going on Day 8 right now with no sign of improvement) he has been helping me with pretty much everything. He’s done all the chores (including take care of my cat), gone grocery shopping, fixed me meals, and otherwise waited on me hand and foot, without a word of complaint. Yesterday he even came up with the idea to take me for a little ride in the car because I was going stir-crazy. And if I’m not better soon, his next order of business will be hauling my butt to the doctor’s office.
This is extra-significant because he is in the thick of writing his Master’s thesis right now, preparing it for successful defense before he moves onto the dissertation. He has been stressed but has taken so much time this week to be there for me. It sucks being sick, but I feel like the luckiest sick person on the planet.
Obviously there’s not much I can do now other than give him a verbal tongue-bath, but I’m so outrageously bored from spending 8 straight days laying on the sofa that I figured I might as well start thinking about how I can express my gratitude once I’m feeling better.
So, gentlemen, what does your partner do that makes you feel appreciated? If you don’t feel appreciated, what do you wish your partner would do?
Partners of gentlemen, what have you done to make your man feel appreciated?
One-off things or continued habits are both welcome as suggestions. I just feel like spreading the love.
When I first saw the title of your thread, the first thing that popped into my head was “blow job”. I wasn’t sure I should post that, lest I look like some maladjusted horndog. But I see I’m not alone.
But yeah, giving a man his favorite type of food/sex is a pretty effective way to thank him.
Or, since he’s busy with his schoolwork, when you’re feeling better, maybe you could handle all the domestic tasks which would leave him free to concentrate fully on school.
I guess talking to him about how much you like how he’s been so helpful would make him feel better.
To make sure it’s appreciated? Acknowledge it. Simple as that. “Thank you” goes a long way. Tell your friends and family how he has stepped up to the task.
When my Wife was in a bike accident recently, I took care of her for a few days. One of the best feelings I’ve had is to have my Wife tell her friends about how I took care of her. My heart swelled. That was reward enough.
I’m unsure about the idea of “reward sex”, though. IIRC there were a few issues with your regular marital relations, so if I were he I might feel uncomfortable with either (a) this is something you don’t like, but you feel guilted into doing it or (b) this is something you dole out only when he’s been extra-specially good.
I realize this might come over as harsh, but you have to understand that that’s my mother tongue and sometimes Babelfish doesn’t help out with my Harsh-To-Human translation. It’s caused me no end of problems over the years, if that comforts you.
What else does he really, really like and not often get to do? That’d be the way to go, whether it’s a fillet steak, a ball game or a theatre trip.
But yeah, I agree it’s potentially problematic. I would hesitate to be thanked with sex, as it might feel like there’s an exchange of favors; trading being helpful for sex.
If it becomes an habitual way of thanking someone, the person might become partially motivated to help by the prospect of sex and the helpee might feel that sex is owed. I can see why someone would want to stay away from that possibility.
Is Senor Olives a poster here? 'Cause I think enipla’s got some good advice here. Or, if you’re the type to talk on the phone, have on of your girlfriends call you when he’s home and chatter about how great he’s been.
If I were in your situation, I might try to take over one of the chores he hates the most when you’re feeling better. Or save up some money for whatever his favorite out-of-the-house activity is.
If you want to go above and beyond it should take a full day. Once you are feeling better make sure he wakes up to his favorite breakfast. Put a love note in with his lunch. Cook him his favorite dinner and get him a small gift to let him know how much you appreciate him. With mr. pbbth if I did this he would get blueberry pancakes, a love letter in with his favorite lunch, steak and potatoes for dinner and a copy of God of War 3.
I think the best thing for me personally would not be some single act of recognition, but an ongoing demonstration by attitude and words that I am truly appreciated. Of course, that comes from by marriage history where the occasional good word was overwhelmed by the daily flood of negativity.
If it becomes the occasional good word/sex reward, it is like giving a doggy treat to the dog you don’t care about (or worse, abuse). Some (self-centered) people might think that would be an incentive for that dog to behave better, but it just puts a sharp contrast on the true nature of the relationship.
No offense taken, and yes, there were/are some issues, but getting better, much better, and we have been deliberately making it a regular thing. So the sex is going to happen regardless of what else I do, not because I feel obligated but because we both want it, and he knows that. I was thinking to make it special I could start with a full-body massage or something. Massages are good, right?
Seconded. Proper appreciation has nothing to do with the level of effort and everything to do with the level of thought. The other night, I made dinner when I gt home from work because it was Airman’s night off. Since he works at a restaurant, it didn’t seem right to expect him to cook dinner on his night off. It was a small thing, but it meant a lot. Even something as small as a text message during the day to tell Sr. Olives that you love him is good.
In other words, save the big gestures for something really special. Go small and thoughtful for this.
