Of course. I would like to think that this is an expectation we already both have from one another. I told him last night that so many shitty circumstances in my life would be so much shittier without him, starting with the sickness and running down the list of things where his support has been essential. He smiled and said, ‘‘I know how much you appreciate me, and I’m really thankful for that.’’ So he does know. I just want to… you know, do something concrete in return. One thing I can confidently say is that if something terrible ever happens to me, nobody will be left wondering how I felt about them, least of all Sr. Olives.
As for housework suggestions, during the school year we tend to split chores equally as we are both insanely busy, but due to Summer Break I currently have no commitments and therefore have taken over all the chores and cooking most nights. Me doing that once I’m better will not be ‘‘special,’’ just business as usual. However, I can definitely get creative in the kitchen to do something extra special.
I’m loving this. I’m not a man but hell, this would make my day.
He doesn’t drink or smoke. Or enjoy sports. He’s kind of a geek, much like myself. His interests include psychology, comic book heroes (especially the X-men), video games and science fiction.
He likes when I get him flowers. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting a man flowers. I mean, I don’t generally get him roses or carnations or anything, usually something a little more non-traditional. But he’s always appreciated them. And I think he did especially the day I had them sent to his office, because how awesome must a man be for his woman to make that kind of romantic gesture?
In other news, I just stuck my foot in my mouth. I stated upthread that he was working on his Master’s thesis, but it occurred to me he might still be in the proposal-writing stage. He’s behind where he feels he should be. While he was at his computer, I turned to him and said, ‘‘Are you working on the proposal still?’’
His reply. ‘‘Yup.’’ (Exaggerated pause.) ‘‘Would you like to add a little rust to that knife before you stick me with it?’’
He thought it was hilarious, but still. Oops. Not the feeling I was going for.
Every person is different. For me I would just about kill for eating dinner at the kitchen table. No TV/radio. Talking would be nice but not required.
Your question isn’t what men want. It is what MrOlive wants.
Perhaps when his stress time is over you could treat him to dinner and a musical. If those are his sort of things. Sounds good to me … but MrOlive might just want a new video game a 20 hours alone to play it.
I would get my man an expensive steak, bottle of his favourite booze /drug of choice and a few spontaneous bjs. And make sure to tell your family and friends how great he has been. I bet that would mean a lot to him.
I was brought up to look at the household as being the place where everyone lives, so everyone should take a hand in doing the chores. My parents both worked, so housework was done by whoever had time to do it whenever they had the time.
It didn’t bother my father to do dishes, or vacuum, or wash the floor or dust. Naturally, he also did the traditional “guy” things – hunting, fishing, woodwork, mechanics – but the message he had for us boys (there were three of us) was that having a tidy house was one of the basics of self-sufficiency, for the future when we would have our own places.
Oh, and plus chicks really liked guys who could keep their own livingspace clean.
The OP’s description of recent events sounds typical of everyday life around here…plus I make sure I always put the toilet seat down when I’m done…
Maybe I should be renegotiating my situation for more oral sex, or something.
Heck yes massages are good Olives! If I had a choice between a blowjob and a deep neck/back massage I would hesitate before deciding. I don’t mean some half assed 1-2 minute deal like something I normally get but a serious 25-30 minute meaningful effort.
Hmm. That could be a thread all by itself or in my case a rant.
I’m really pleased to hear that. And since you’re on board with what pbbth said, I’ll just add that a full-body massage added in to the package would go down great.
This isn’t the time to mention that I don’t get bj’s even as reward sex, is it? Nope, thought not. I’ll just go crack open a brewski with In Winnipeg and sit quietly over here.
I don’t think Olives meant that she normally does all the chores. I assumed from what she said that they have an even split with certain tasks allocated to each of them. In my household, I do the cooking (including packed lunches for work) and grocery shopping, my husband does the washing up, tidies and cleans and laundry is shared. I assume Olives and her husband have a similar split and Sr Olives has taken on “her” tasks while she’s too ill to do them.
Otherwise, as noted, we are simple creatures. Maybe bring us a sammich and a beer while we’re watching the game. And then go away, so we can watch the game.
This can be a surprisingly important thing in a marriage, especially when the inlaws are not huge fans of Son in law. It gives them less to bitch about knowing that their daughter is being well cared for.
When we are both full time graduate students, each working 70+ hours weekly, we split the chores 50-50, though it might interest you to know that he did 90% of the housework for years before I stepped up and started doing my part. Most of the clutter in our house is mine, and he’s a compulsively neat person.
I am currently on Summer Break. I am literally sitting on my ass playing video games all day long. Meanwhile, he is still a full-time grad student, and because of this Masters thesis dealy, he’s busier this summer than he’s been all year. For this reason we agreed that, while on Summer Break, I would take most of the chores (he still has garbage and pot-washing duty, which I hate.) We agreed in particular that I would do the grocery shopping this summer because it is very time consuming for a grad student to take 2-3 hours out of his weekend to get food. Putting dinner on the table is just something I did because I like cooking and have had time to do it. During the school year we usually fend for ourselves.
So not only has he taken over the chores I agreed to do, he has waited on me hand and foot, fixed my meals, fetched medicine from the store, given me foot rubs and essentially made me feel that I come first despite the fact that this Masters thing is weighing heavily on his mind. I appreciate that.
I’m not the one conflating appreciation with reward. I just wanted to know what things guys have experienced that make them feel really appreciated.
Speaking as a slightly nerdy guy, one of the most touching moments I’ve had was in architecture school. One of my best friends was having a rough time with her project, and we talked about it. Nothing out of the ordinary, that’s why we all have studio together, but after her final review, she left a vase of lilies and a thank-you note (written with a Micron on rolled-up notebook paper, of course) on my desk. And now I’m a sucker for lilies. Alright, so maybe I do live in San Francisco, but I’d way rather have flowers than cigars.
I’m also a huge fan of just fancifying regular things - even if you usually cook dinner, using your nicer serving wares, or cloth napkins and placemats, or even just having a pitcher of water instead of filling up from the faucet can make it obvious that you care.
It was my birthday six weeks ago, and as it was a major landmark I got given a shedload of presents. Most of 'em weren’t expensive but they were chosen with my likes, interests and pastimes in mind, so they all hit the spot. That put a smile on my face for a mighty long time. Perhaps something similar?
all the sex ideas are great-and it encourages him to exert effort in the future.
However, I agree with the poster that says talk him up to others. When my wife brags me up to relatives/friends well, that is a warm glow that lasts for days. I know I did the right thing for my wife and that is the most important thing I can do.
So, sex is great. But bragging makes him feel like he did the right thing for a long time!
Can I suggest grocery shopping at night during the week? Going on weekends is like entering hell. You guys are in a pretty busy area (IIRC), so the stores should be open till 11 at least. Try going at 930 or so one night - it’ll make shopping a 45 minute instead of 90 minute trip.
I’m voting for the massage - my SO loooves them, and if Mr. Olives is hunched over the computer all day, really good hand and jaw/neck/upper shoulders massage (like, 20-30 minutes worth) can make all the difference. Give him one every other day for say, 5 days (so 3 massages).
Like pbbth said, it should be a multi-day affair. You doing the chores he likes least and picking him up a comic book and/or videogame. If he hasn’t tried Gamefly, I’d suggest getting him a subscription to see if he likes it (I know Gamefly gets hell on this board, but my SO has been pretty satisfied with it so far).
One word of advice - don’t rush into it quickly. Day one you should ease yourself back into being healthy, day two take on more, and day three really go all out. I’m gone all THANK YOU YOU’RE THE BEST with things, only to go overboard and get sick again. It’s so silly, and then nobody’s happy!
Once in a similar situation I as taken for a surprise pedicure. It was supposed to be relaxing and wonderful. She was sharing her favorite destressor.
And while I appreciated the thought, I have had medical problems with my feet and have developed a strong phobia about people touching my feet. So for me it was like being locked in a box with a bunch of snakes. And at the time I felt like I had to smile and be gracious about the whole thing. In the end it made me bitter and resentful… not grateful and appreciated.
So my advice is, whatever you come up with, if it is a novelty, run it by him first. Surprises, no matter how well intended, aren’t always good things.
