Jim has had a loss recently, and he’s feeling pretty low. I think part of his low feeling is that the loss was partly his own fault, so he’s feeling a good helping of blaming himself as well.
How can I help him feel better? What do you like your spouse to do when you’re feeling down? I mean, other than the obvious way - hot monkey sex day and night. 
Well, you already covered my suggestion.
Really, just let him know you are there and that you support him. He’ll deal with it like a man (by which I mean we process things differently than women do). Just knowing you are there will help.
Apparently the ads think he is having trouble sleeping, too.
Like silenus said, just be there for him. Be willing to listen, but be willing to let him process it in his own way, too. I like to be babied when I am feeling down (ok, all the time), but he might or might not like that. You can’t go wrong with showing him how much you love, appreciate, and admire him, though–or was that where you were going with the hot monkey sex?
Well, apart from the hot monkey sex, and there any little indulgences that he likes? (Preferably not costing too much). Like a favourite meal, or trip to the country, or going to the movies? Give him at least one or two things like that each week.
I think the highlighted part is important. Too often, each sex tries to help the other sex in the way that would be right for themselves.
That said, I don’t know many heterosexual men that won’t have their mood lightened by an enthusiatic blow job. Repeat whenever mood starts to slide. Then again, if I knew that would be the cure for a foul mood, I’d be sure to always be in a foul mood! 
Bolding mine on “appreciate.” Nothing raises my spirits more than knowing that I have done good in my wife’s eyes. In some aspects, it counts more than moochas smooches or the ol’ rumpty-bumpty. Even if you have to make stuff up (slightly), let him know you’re made glad by his being around. Don’t go overboard, though – we know when we’re being kidded.
To brighten my husband’s day I will do any or all of the following:
A sweet email to him to let him know I’m thinking about him
One of his favorite dinners cooked for him
Popcorn and favorite movies while snuggling in bed
Let him get me slightly tipsy and do naughty things to me
When I do all those things, his brightened spirits usually last for a few days.
Aside from the other stuff, he probably won’t want to discuss it much. If he brings it up, then talk about it, but don’t bring it up otherwise.
And give him a good, good book to read…
As has been mentioned, it is good to listen. However, some do not know the difference between listening and offering advice. Sometimes just listening quietly and understanding without opinion is the best. If you are asked at some point “What do you think I should do?” then you can change the nature of your role.
As for things I like (other than those HMS things mentioned) I respond well to a motorcycle ride in the country. It may be a car for others but the idea is the same.
I also enjoy some time at the gun range. Not in an “Angry” way but in more like a “Zen” way.
If you consider his loves (other than you) the answer for him may jump to mind.
This is the kind of stuff I’m looking for - when I’m down, I want to talk it out, get lots of attention from him, feel looked after and cared for. Since I am aware he is a man, I would like to know what you guys prefer from your caring partner when you’re unhappy. What I’m getting from these posts is to be physically and emotionally supportive, but not try to draw him out before he’s ready - basically leave him alone from a fairly close distance. Sound about right, guys?
Yep. When we want to talk, we’ll talk. When we don’t want to talk, trying to get us to is annoying at best, violence-provoking at worst.
“Leave him alone from a very close distance”…good phrase.
Seconded!
I know many people who get agressive when they’re pissed at themselves - not in a hit-you way, but they’re more likely to bark.
Listening to him when he wants to talk and not bugging him when he doesn’t want to, thirded. Also, don’t give him advice unless he specifically asks. I hate it when my mother does that - I’m telling her about whatever (may even be something that went very well and I got congratulated on) and she starts telling me what should I have said and done! It’s like she’s second guessing my life 
Get him to help you with something - the harder and more time consuming the better. The best thing for anyone feeling down in the dumps is to get totally involved in something else and just get on with living. The trick is getting started because your depression makes you disinclined to try. However you can often be “tricked” into finding motivation if you are doing something for someone else. If you can’t find anything yourself enlist others. Try to find something he will do well at.
I dunno if this might help, so just forgive me, my intentions are pure…and it may not work for him, you be the judge…feel free to laugh…
Secretly prepare something like a proscuitto (sp?) and cheeses spread all nicely cut and arranged. Or just cheeses. Or just meats. Maybe fruits. Whatever.
Then, at dinner time, put a very small table or even two wood TV meal-thingies in the middle of the living room. Cover with a pure white tablecloth. Place the spread on it, add a single candle, turn the lights way dim, bring out some wine.
YOU wear something dressy. Add jewelery. Seat him. Eat the meal with your fingers. Don’t engage in small talk. Don’t say anything you don’t h ave to. You all just enjoy the elegance and quiteness.
When done, put it all away. Feed him some grapes. DON’T bring sex into it. Don’t be seductive.
Just savor the moments and the evening.
Just a suggestion of a way of letting him know you are and will always be there for him no matter what.
FWIW.
I was just reading a book that talked about how men process loss (as I have had quite a few & do not seem to be getting past them all that well). The idea that was posed in the book was that in our society, men are not supposed to lose. There is nothing there that supports you if you really do lose. The loss results in feeling ashamed. I guess I have been feeling that way. Perhaps your husband is feeling that way as well.
I know that my wife wants to talk & wants me to talk, but then she will say something like “Men are then ones that feel that way”. Although that may be true, it is the absolute LAST thing I want to hear at that moment because I do not want to feel like I am having to defend the very thing that is hurting me at that moment.
Maybe what I need to hear most in these moments is that someone is proud of the fact that at least I tried - regardless of how it came out. Sometimes I just need to hear that everything will eventually work out. (It would have been nice to hear either of these from someone like my father, but that was not going to happen).
I am not sure if this is applicable to your husband, or his situation. It would have helped me, though.
What kind of loss was it? I think the way you treat a job loss or an investment loss is completely different than the way you’d treat the loss of your best friend or a relative. Emotional losses are treated with compassion and understanding. Financial losses are treated with strategy and stuff like that.
My suggestion is this.
On a Sunday afternoon send him off to the ball game.
Meanwhile, clean the home and prepare his favourite dinner.
A good bottle of wine.
Pay attention to when he gets home.
Greet him at the door in your (his) favourite teddy by jumping up on him with your legs wrapped around him, running your fingers through his hair and lavishingly kissing him.
Grab the front top of his jeans by inserting four fingers inside (thumb outside) as deep as you can and pull him over to the dinner table.
Sit beside him and feed him.
Occassionally caress his thighs and chest.
Don’t tell him you love him! (That will encourage you to show him)
Stay in control until sex is concluded
I think it’s important for you to show him that what ever has happend has not hurt you. Not to mean that it is trivial or un-important, but that life goes on and you will get through this.
That’s beautiful.