I picked the frail guy, but it might be better to pick the kid. Easily subdued is better than dead.
You’d try to cop a feel off of a girl that knows martial arts? Then again, she’s intent on killing you anyway.
Definitely the Girl with Martial Arts Training, despite the fact that she’d potentially gut me. I’d feel guilty fighting any of the others.
Besides, I’ve already done this in my martial arts classes (fortunately against girls who hadn’t had a lot of martial arts training).
The old man, no question. I don’t care how I look at the end of the fight as long as I survive and he seems the “weakest” opponent.
Block an incoming strike, lock up the wrist/arm, go for the rear naked choke, hold until the fight is over. Simple and easy for me. I’m a large, moderately trained, very experienced fighter…experienced enough to not screw around with anyone of whatever size, age, gender, infirmities or mental capacity that is actively trying to kill me.
The old man with the glasses. He’s lived his life already. I’ll make it as quick and painless as I can.
Bespectacled guy. He’s most like me, will be close to fair, and I won’t look a gigantic dick if he swings first.
Also, I thought it said “big, strong, simpleminded chimp” on first read through, which was an interesting idea. I wanted no part of that though.
What are the asthma guy’s asthma triggers? What are his speckles? Are they contagious?
It’s gotta be the speckled guy. Sucks to your ass-mar!
“Aggressive” means he’ll start the fight, and then I’ll stomp his ass. The others–Lenny, Hitgirl, Hollis Mason, and Gimli–seem like they could do some real damage. I’d be especially scared of martial-arts-girl. A little training and someone can permanently maim you, and not in a good way, even if you win the fight.
If I’m garanteed to win but would “lose” do to the douche factor, I’d fight the girl. Everyone already thinks I’m a douchebag so fuck it: Hey, apparently women can do anything a man can do, so then she can get her ass kicked like a man.
I’ll be sure to have my collar popped and sunglasses on inside to add to the effect.
The bespecktacled aggressive but frail guy.
Fighting any of the other choices will make you look like an asshole.
Fighting a child, even a big and strong one, is not accepted by people.
Fighting a girl is a no-no, even if she knows martial arts, you still look like a bully fighting a girl.
Fighting anyone who is senile and elderly would be perceived as cruel and unfair.
Even the toughest midget will seem like an unfair match for a normal sized man.
No matter how frail a man is, if he is aggressive, nobody would object to you fighting him, if you were forced to. This is really the only logical choice.
Hmmm… I would have thought the senile guy would be a more popular victim.
Girl half my size - fighting such *used to be *a no-no, but I think there’s been sufficient media saturation - Kill Bill, Serenity, Sucker Punch, Kick Ass, Hannah, Buffy - that a not insignificant number of my peers will not see this as such a hard-and-fast rule.
[nitpick]A be-speckled trout.
A be-spectacled trout.
This trout be spackled.[/nitpick]
I am a girl. I am probably half your size. I do not have martial arts training. Please do not beat me up.
It doesn’t really matter how many Super Killer Ninja Assassin Chick characters the (by now, tremendously unoriginal) schlockmeisters at Hollywood crank out. In the real world, it would still be totally frowned upon to fight a woman.
Too many news stories along the line of “Elderly veteran mugged, kills two attackers one severely injured”. And given that this whole affair is a setup against you, it just makes sense to assume the worst.
The little girl.
I’m a rebel.
Not by *my *peers. 'cos I tend not to hang around with sexists. And know many women who could kick my ass (which, thankfully, the OP says won’t happen in this hypothetical)
Google “Oscar Fuller”. He is accused of allegedly punching a woman in the face and putting her in a coma. His defense is that she attacked him first during an argument over a parking spot. It might even be true, but good luck convincing anyone of that.
It occurs to me that many people assume the frail but aggressive man is the easy choice. Beating up a weak nerd seems like the least douchey option compared to beating up a girl, a retarded child, an old man or even a little person.
Have no doubt that you WILL look like a bully in a skeleton costume chasing the Karate Kid around the gym.
You punched me in the BOOB!! PREPARE TO DIE…OBVIOUSLY!!
This must be what reading a thread about periods and bloating is like for dudes.
Carry on.