Men you've kicked in the balls

In My Humble Opinion
1

Easy, gentlemen. You may uncross your legs. I’m not suggesting that anyone start indulging in that activity. It just occurred to me that there must be some good stories out there.

I have only once kicked a man in the balls, and it was completely unplanned. I was working as a support technician, and one of my coworkers, was one of those guys who could charm the panties off any living woman, and of course, he was a complete shit. I just didn’t realize it at the time, seeing as how I was hopelessly in love with him. I do believe the other men working there would have happily roasted marshmallows over his flaming corpse if given the opportunity.

Anyways, one day, we were supposed to go out to lunch. I was stuck on a long call with a clingy computer user and was gently trying to disengage myself. My coworker, the charmer, got impatient waiting for me. I had gotten out of my chair, put on my coat, and was doing my best to wrap up the conversation, but that wasn’t enough. He started tapping the top of my head with his pen. So, without turning around, I kicked back at his knee and connected.

At least, I thought it was his knee. He stopped bugging me. Finally, when I got off the phone and pulled my headset off, I turned around to find him sitting down, gripping the inside of his thigh, crossing his eyes, and trying not to whimper in a high pitched voice. Didn’t take me real long to figure out what happened.

I don’t know why, but I started cracking up. You know, normally, I don’t find people in abject pain amusing, and I know he was hurting. I really hadn’t kicked that hard (and I still don’t know how I could have possibly connected a foot higher than I was aiming for, but he did brag that he went commando, and maybe he was just really warm that day). But still, I giggled. I covered my mouth and tried to stifle it, but it came out. A snort. A chortle. A muffled guffaw.

I felt terrible. Then. Later, when the true depths of his personality became apparent, I didn’t feel bad at all.

What’s your story?

2

This is a post from my cat Delilah Underfoot

3

No, but my dog has. She’s a miniature Australian Shepherd, and she does this stiff legged punch with both front feet thing, (she hits the door like this to let me know she needs out, she hits the kitchen cabinet below the sink to let me know she’s out of water. All in all, I’m one well-trained human :D).

She also does her little “kick/punch” into people when she’s excited to see them. The other day, she got my poor coworker “below the belt”.

I felt SOOoo bad for the poor guy! She has these dainty little feet that are about an inch in diameter each. And they’re backed up by 20 pounds of hard muscled herding dog.

OUCH.

(LOL, as I’m finishing this, I just now looked at the first post, and see that a fellow pet has a similar experience).

4

About 4 years ago there was a guy at my work that just loved to bug me. He was about 6’3" and I am barely 5’5" so he’d stand behind or by the side of me and poke me in the ears, under the chin or tug my hair and I wouldn’t be able to reach him to stop him. I finally had enough one particular night when he just wouldn’t fuckin STOP! I whirled around on one foot and brought my knee up. He grabbed but we still connected. He whimpered but didn’t go down. I just walked away after eyeing the shift manager to see if he was going to say anything. He didn’t, which is good cause I would have gone ballistic if he had. My coworker never touched me again.

5

About 5 years ago, I was helping to run a summer school for inner-city kids - broadening their horizions kind of thing. Anyway, we had a couple of teachers with us, one male, and one female. The kids all had a 10pm curfew, and it was up to us to ensure that it was obeyed. Anyhow, one evening, I went out, as usual, to check that the kids were all signed into their dorms; the male teacher came with me, and as soon as we were out of sight of the others, he tried it on, in the pinning me against a wall, trying to kiss me and touch me up. I wasn’t standing for it, so I placed a knee, rather firmly, into his balls. He doubled up in pain. :smiley:

6

After a trip to the pub with my friends we went to the park. I was on the swing and one of my guy friends was pushing me. Where he was stood I had to be very careful when I swung back to make sure I didn’t hit him. Which was quite difficult as he was behind me. I warned him to find a better position.

“As if you could hurt me!” Was the reply.

A couple of swings later and he got one foot to the balls. :smiley:

7

I was hanging out with a bunch of my guy friends after school. One of them (we’ll call him D) was bragging about how he could kick so-and-so’s ass and yada yada, complete with ninja kick demonstrations.:rolleyes: Keep in mind that the closest D’s gotten to martial arts is probably * Mortal Kombat *.
I decided to show D how stupid he looked by imitating the phony ninja kicks he was doing. He walked up to me to poke me or tickle me or somesuch to make me stop, I had my eyes closed and didn’t notice until I heard him crumple to the floor that he had walked right into my phony ninja kick.:eek:
Of course, I apologized profusely to D, even through my laughter which made him seriously doubt my apology.

8

I would rip out another man’s hair by its roots, drop hot coals down the back of his shirt, and stab him in sub-critical places with a matched set of Ginsu knives before I would kick him in the balls.

Some things are just too cruel.

9

Well I was headbutted in the crotch by an over exctied to be petted Irish wolfhound.

For those of you that don’t know it’s the biggest dog breed in the world with a big heavy head.

I was ahh ‘going commando’ as well.

10

Women like to talk about how men will never understand the pain of childbirth, but they tend to find getting kicked in the balls funny!

Ugh.

11

My son, when he was about two, ran to greet me at the door.

Head down.

Thud.

Regards,
Shodan

12

Oooh, ouch Shodan. I winced just sitting here.

13

I think I’m going to start wearing a Cup all the time from now on. Especially at dopefests.

14

I’ve managed it once. Back in the day I used to knee, elbow, headbutt, and punch guys in the balls, but only once did a kick work. I suspect this is because once you get kicked in the balls you learn to avoid it in the future. A lot. I switched to kneecaps for all my kicking needs.

I find it kind of amusing that us guys can finish a football game with a torn tricep and quad, will ignore a broken nose and a broken hand for 7 rounds of professional boxing, but just fold right up when we get bagged.

I say “kind of” amusing because it’s only amusing if it’s happening to somebody else.

15

I was about 7 yrs old and had been taking karate classes for about 2 months. I was pretend fighting with my dad and just connected one good kick right in the family jewels. He dropped like a large sack of potatoes.

We never play fought again.

16

A story from the receiving end…

I was playing soccer at about age 11-12. I had just made a decent defensive play on the other team’s midfielder- I used my left foot to kind of sweep the ball from in front of the other person, passing it to my teammate. This all occurred right at the moment that the other player was attempting to boot the ball up to his forward. Well, after sweeping the ball, I was left standing with my feet more than shoulder width apart, and the guy didn’t/couldn’t stop his kick. I swear that I saw my nuts hanging in front of my face, he hit them so hard.

That was the last game I ever played without a cup.

17

Two anecdotes:

Racking other guys. The worst time I got someone was when I was taking a judo class. I was learning this new throw called…o goshi, I believe. In an ideal world, you step inside your opponent’s reach, plant your hip against their waist (or thereabouts), pivot and toss them to the floor, using the point of contact as a fulcrum.

I missed and rammed my pelvis into his testicles and used that as a fulcrum (crunch). I didn’t realize until I noticed he wasn’t getting back up. Plus I think I threw him too hard. He got me back later, though, so I believe we’re even.

Getting racked. When I was 16 I first started karate lessons. Our instructor paired us off. In my case, I was paired off with a small blonde ten year old girl who looked like a very young Marcia Brady. I was still in the “cluelessly macho” phase of my life so I turned to my instructor and said I “wasn’t going to fight with a little girl.”

Before I could get any more out of my mouth she yelled “I’M NOT A LITTLE GIRL” and racked me. Hard. I don’t remember the rest of that class.

18

Another one from the receiving end . . .

I was the center on our high school football team. For those of you who don’t know, the main job of the center is to swing the football, from a crouching position, into the quarterback’s outstetched hands (or hand, depending on the method), which are placed firmly in your groin. This is called “snapping the football,” homophobes need not apply. Snapping is a vital task, so you’re taught to swing that sucker with authority. It’s called “snapping” for a good reason. A good snap makes a THUNK sound as it hits the quarterback’s hands.

Picture performing this maneuver without the quarterback’s hands in your groin.

Some summabitch substitute quarterback got all jittery in his first play of the game, called “HUT!” and pulled his hands back before realizing that he forgot to get the football first.

THUNK

Yeah, I was wearing a cup. It still layed me out (I mean, I was good, dammit).

Summabitch.

19

I once got a perfect rear kick into this fella’s groin by accident. The fact that he was steaming head-on to give me a flying tackle from behind meant I wasn’t sorry.

Nowadays, between my dog, toddler, and clumsy-ass wife, I have to be careful at all times. The number of occasions I’ve been hit in the past few months is disturbing.

20

As a man, I have been hit in the jewels more times than I can count. I have only kicked a guy there once.

When I was in 5th grade, my parents divorced and I moved with my mom to a rather shady neighborhood. One time, this guy who lived a few doors down from me decided that he wanted my money. He came up with a few of his boys behind him, and demanded I give him all the money I had. I told him no, and hit my karate pose. He laughed at me and pulled a knife out of his pocket. I kicked him once in the balls, kneed him in the face, threw him down and asked the rest if they wanted any. They all left him laying there, crying and trying to decide if he should hold his nose or his balls.