If Michael Jackson takes the stand, what song and dance should he break into a la the Simpsons?
He should avoid Beat It
Perhaps early J5 stuff is is best chance. “Ooh baby, give me one more chance!”
“Ben” would be more appropriate.
He’s not been accused of bestiality too, has he?
What do you think he really had that chimp for?
I vote for Billy Jean, but with a lyric change to Bill and John.
Bill and Gene are not my lovers.
They’re just kids whose moms think I’ll pay a sum
To get them off my bum…
I would have thought (Cheap) Thriller was an obvious choice.
‘Don’t stop till you get enough’
‘Bad’
‘Smooth Criminal’
…the more I think about it, they all seem (in)appropriate!
Since he owns the Beatle’s catalogue, I think he should break into a cover of “I Want to be your Man.”
P.Y.T would seem to be an appropriate choice.
For the prosecution.
Don’t Let Your Son Go Down On Me
(With apologies to Elton John.)
I can’t believe I posted that.
Cajun Man hits one out of the park! 
With apologies to Ringo Starr:
*You walked out of my dreams, and into my arms
Now you’re my angel divine
You’re thirteen, you’re beautiful, and you’re mine
You’re all snips and snails, and puppy dog tails
Thighs that look good in shorts
You’re thirteen, so beautiful, and you’re mine*
On second thought, apologies to the entire Straight Dope for that one…
It’s raining boys!
I knew a boy named Micky I guess you could say he was a sex feind
I met him in a penny arcade masturbating to a pinball machine
Do ya wanna touch (yeah!)
Do ya wanna touch (yeah!)
Do ya wanna touch me there
(Where?) There! (Yeah! Oh yeah!)
Oh I’ve got a brand new pair of roller skates
And you’ve got a small pee pee
Little Willy’s willy won’t
Grow hard
You can play with Willy
But his willy won’t come
Damn, we’re sick bastards.
Are you accusing him of blowing bubbles?
Go Away Little Girl
Well, depending on the jury, they might think Michael Jackson looks cute singing those songs.
You know I’m bad, I’m bad.
You know it.
Really, really bad.
I’m bad, I’m bad, you know it.
Who’s bad?
I Touch Myself by Divinyls
…“If French fries were fat free
And you still love me
What a wonderful world this would be
If the ‘Jesus Juice’ really helped me
Forget your memory
I’d wear a smile endlessly
If French fries were fat free”…
Moonwalking to the witness stand would be okay, but the crotch grabbing should be right out.