Middle Class and Scared

I have lurked for over a year, and posted my share of responses to threads, and even started a handful of threads, but I have not really engaged with folks on this board. I have added my show of sympathy to folks who are going through tough times, I suppose, but not much more.

But now, I am scared, and I could use some support.

The short of it: I have a job that pays a lot but requires a ton of hard work, but with the economy, my company is really hurting. I will find out in the next 2 - 3 weeks if I will be laid off. I have not overspent myself into extended credit hell, or anything remotely close, but savings are thin and I am the breadwinner for my family - what am I going do?

Waiting is so painful - I have started networking, but the economy is so tough that I am hearing the same thing everywhere I turn “yeah, we’re going through that here, too”. My wife and I want to use this as a chance to re-think our priorities, and maybe ratchet things down a notch, but at this point, I feel painted into a corner - like I would have to take any job that came my way.

I know that other people are going through much more physically, mentally and emotionally difficult challenges across the world, and so I need to maintain perspective. I am trying. But as a close-to-40 man just starting to realize that time is limited, this is a very tough time.

You’re right on two counts: times are tough, and waiting is painful.

Sounds like your wife is supportive and you two communicate well. That’s a big help – you need to avoid a feeling of panic. Re-examining your priorities can help you decide both your short and long term options. You don’t say what your family circumstances are - whether you’re facing tuition bills for a couple of kids in college or just new school clothes.

In times like these, it might not be so bad to take any job that comes your way. At the very worst you’ll have income and, as they say, it’s easier to get a job when you have a job. Back in the first aerospace crash, lots of PhDs were pumping gas in California.

If you do get laid off, take advantage of any outplacement sessions - they’ll help you find job resources. Take advantage of any resources offered by the state when you apply for unemployment. Among other things, they’ll have resources for helping you keep your wits about you and keep your spriits up as best you can. Depending on the ages of your kids, let them know what’s going on - especially if you have to cut back expenses that directly affect them. If they’re the appropriate age, it can be a time for working together to get through the crunch if you can do that without making them feel too much of the burden.

Don’t worry about what other folks are going through, just maintain perspective in your own world. You know the difference between the necessities and the frills in your lifestyle. Your necessities may be someone else’s frills, and vice versa.

Depending on the company, your apparent attitude may also affect whether or not you’ll be on the list. Last lay-off I went through, that definitely made a difference in some cases. A couple of folks who were obviously doing great work were axed because they also were indiscreet about their opinions on corporate management.

Some things are just out of your control - like whether or not you make the cut. What you can control is your plan for surviving if you find yourself unemployed. Take control of what is controllable.

I won’t even comment on your “close-to forty; time is limited” statement. Yes, age discrimination exists. I’ve been on interviews where it was obvious that the interviewer didn’t want someone older than his mother working for him. You’re not even close to that point yet. Your feeling of age is magnified by your situation.

You will survive this.

Mr. S got downsized last year at age 45 (with 20 years of experience in a job that has been pretty much eliminated by computers). There went 2/3 of our income. We cut out luxuries; I increased my workload (I’m self-employed) by taking on more projects; he’s been working, yes, at various crap jobs that nonetheless pad out what I make. We’re still here; we’re still married; we’re not in the poorhouse or on the verge of bankruptcy or anything. (We were lucky to have a low house payment and two just-paid-for cars, but we have some hefty credit card debt.)

We’re still here. And no matter what happens, you will be too.

To focus on just one of OldBroad’s excellent observations:

Take control of what is controllable.

It sounds like you are already doing that, but quietly, you may be able to learn what if any severance will offered to the employees being laid off. With that information you can begin to figure out what your budget is, how long you have to find an acceptable position before dipping into savings (IRAs, 401(k), etc.).

Not to be a PollyAnna, but sometimes a shake up that is not attributable to poor performance is not a bad thing.

How about making a list of factors that would constitute your dream job?

Is self-employment a possibility? As a near 40 person, you undoubtedly have good experience and a more mature perspective on business matters.

I realize these comments are fairly general, but best of luck.

You are speaking with common sense - thanks.

For me, the scary factor depends on whether or not you have children and how old they are. If you don’t have kids, you and your wife could really have an adventure. Have you thought about relocating out of state, out of the country? Change can be healthy and exciting.

Some very good thoughts expressed here already.

Might I suggest you obtain a book entitled What Color is Your Parachute? It was a very popular book in the '80s, when someone gave me a copy. The book gives some good advice about careers, writing a resume, etc.; I think I liked it partly because unlike other feel good self-help books, it actually gave some concrete tactics you can use. Of course, it was over-hyped in its heyday - no, it’s not the new Koran.

I never finished it, but I was profoundly affected by it primarily through one of the exercises it asks you to perform. I’ll summarize.

Write three (concise - you’ll be doing the grading) essays about things that have happened in your life. Anything, a ballgame, an accident, meeting a girlfriend, watching a parade, losing a girlfriend, whatever.

Now the book asks you, IIRC, to complete the essays before proceeding. That would be good, but <SPOILER ALERT> I’m guessing you’ll finish reading the thread first. After you’ve finished the essays, you are asked to evaluate your actions in the events described with an eye toward identifying, first, what skills your actions reveal you demonstrating and then what innate traits of yours come out.

If you feel I’ve spoiled your potential effort here (and I doubt that), I suppose you could ask your wife to do the evaluating.

It’s been a long time since I did this, and I may not be entirely true to the book. Nevertheless, it was a very helpful exercise. I was 36 and nearing the end of my first decade in the perpetually both enticing and scary oil and gas biz; and I was frustrated and feeling quite trapped, or, to use your words, painted into a corner. The industry was in its 3rd year of being on life support and I was in a crappy position. And that exercise helped me make a breakthrough that first produced a resume - and that’s something that in itself leaves many nonplussed - but then also a course of action.

Here I’ll not go into where that all led me; this thread is about you. But I can endorse the exercise as worthwhile.

And, as has been said, you’ve been successful this far in life - you will get through.

Good luck, pal.

If you do get laid off:

Don’t bother with Haldane Associates, they’re a scam.
Expect to be off at least 9 months.
They say to follow up on all your contacts. I don’t know if that is true, but the job I got was with a company I checked in with on a regular basis. Of course, it was the one I really wanted, so that may have helped as well.

Oohhh, Z-babe, you did Haldane, too? Man, we’ve got yet another point on which to commisserate next time.

Thanks for the continued support. Yeah, I have two kids, ages 4 1/2 and almost 2.

I know about What Color is Your Parachute?, but haven’t checked it out yet. Will do.

And yes, we are assuming there will be a lengthy break between jobs, and that persistence will be key.

Not fun.

My husband and I just went through this with two small children and no savings. The first thing I did was cancel everything. Cable, cell phones, everything we didn’t absolutely need. Fortunately we have free internet for a year, or that would’ve gone as well. We’re still behind, but I’ve learned that the bills having to wait is not the end of the world, though to listen to some of the creditors you’d think it was.

The best thing I’ve found is not to panic (I think someone else said that already.) And on the days I couldn’t beat the panic down with a stick, I meditated. It really helped me keep a feeling of everythings going to be alright.

One comment on Leifsmama’s reply: I recommend that you try to avoid cancelling your internet for two reasons: 1) you’ll want to reply to some ads that give only an email address for submitting resumes; and 2) the job search sites can be helpful.

I don’t know anyone who’s actually gotten a job through Monster or HotJobs, etc. but they do let you know which companies may be hiring and often have a link to their career pages or at least to their home page.

True, you can use public libraries for access, but that’s a pain; and if you have your resume and cover letter on a floppy, some public places won’t let you use your personal floppies on their systems.