Middle Management Ninja, I salute you!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I salute you for your ability to always be able to sneak up behind me without hearing a sound. I have pretty good hearing, combined with noisy floors in the office. I can tell when the UPS guy drives up. I can tell when my boss talks on his phone down the hall. I can tell when the mousy, 80 pound secretary 2 floors up has the hiccups. Yet, you are able to walk up behind me at my desk, in the breakroom, in the restroom, or in the hallway with me never having a clue of your arrival until you chop 5 minutes from my life due to shock by simply saying “Hi.”

You have no obvious skills. You are a fairly portly fellow, and not one prone to cat-like movements. You aren’t wearing ballet slippers. Nor are you floating on a gentle cushion of air like Arthur Dent. Believe me, I’ve looked.

I could surround my office with broken egg shells, bubble wrap, drowsy monkeys, and more trip wires than Arnold Schwarzenegger laid out in the movie Predator and somehow you would still manage to not attract my attention until you were 6 inches behind my chair.

Short of having graduated from the Jason Bourne school of management with a Master’s degree in Nightcrawler Bamfing, I have no idea how you manage to consistently pull this off. Huzzah, oh silent sentry of the corporate world. It is through your efforts, that I consistently have to worry about being killed by piano wire strangulation.

2

Dilbert vs Kato?

My money’s on Dilbert.

3

I know exactly what you mean, but this is more common than you would think. Curly Howard (ala the Three Stooges) was a ballroom dancer and in general very light on his feet. NFL linemen that are 6’-7" and 300 lbs often run 5-7 second 40 yard dash times. (For reference the fast position players, running backs & wide receivers are clocked between 4 and 5 seconds). I am also a “portly fellow” and I’m a decent dancer, and I can often “sneak up” on people & other wild animals without them hearing me. So while it isn’t a skill that most people would typically assign to a “big guy” like me, there are many of us around. And some of us are behind you right now. :stuck_out_tongue: