The SDMB heist!

We’re planning a heist! Target TBD. What skills do you bring to the table? Feel free to copy and past to add to the list below.

iiandyiiii: Qualified Navy nuclear engineer. Qualified submarine officer. Basic firearms training and proficiency. A few years wrestling in high school and boxing in college. Very strong organizational and logistical skills. 70 words per minute typing speed. Strong grammar, spelling, and “wordsmithing” skills.

Hmmm. I think we’ll have to knock you off the “computer skillz” list. You got submariner sewn up though. :slight_smile:

Sunny Daze: Trained in handling a wide variety of domestic and exotic animals; extensive theater/make up experience, including some special effects; some medic skills; type way faster than iiandyiiii

I can drive a getaway car or a decoy. I know how to sew, so I can make disguises. Or I could bake cookies for the heist meetings.

Omar Little: Convincing liar. Generalist. Proficient with firearms and driving. Financial specialist. High pop-culture knowledge. Arm-chair psychologist.

I’m an excellent driver.

I can hold the door open.

Bullitt: another excellent driver, with strong stamina (can easily drive an all-nighter, if our hideout happens to be 1,000 miles away (Mexico?)), expert marksmanship, good and safe motorcyclist with no accidents in 200,000 miles, qualified artillery fire direction operations control chief, trivia master – I can usually out-Cliff Claven others, and I could nail a standing tennis racket with a football from 80 yards away back in my younger QB-ing days.

I can make beer, wine, and liquor for the post-heist celebration.

I know people.

The roster so far:

iiandyiiii: Qualified Navy nuclear engineer. Qualified submarine officer. Basic firearms training and proficiency. A few years wrestling in high school and boxing in college. Very strong organizational and logistical skills. 70 words per minute typing speed. Strong grammar, spelling, and “wordsmithing” skills.

Sunny Daze: Trained in handling a wide variety of domestic and exotic animals; extensive theater/make up experience, including some special effects; some medic skills; type way faster than iiandyiiii

FairyChatMom: I can drive a getaway car or a decoy. I know how to sew, so I can make disguises. Or I could bake cookies for the heist meetings.

Omar Little: Convincing liar. Generalist. Proficient with firearms and driving. Financial specialist. High pop-culture knowledge. Arm-chair psychologist.

QuickSilver: I’m an excellent driver.

Knowed Out: I can hold the door open.

Bullitt: another excellent driver, with strong stamina (can easily drive an all-nighter, if our hideout happens to be 1,000 miles away (Mexico?)), expert marksmanship, good and safe motorcyclist with no accidents in 200,000 miles, qualified artillery fire direction operations control chief, trivia master – I can usually out-Cliff Claven others, and I could nail a standing tennis racket with a football from 80 yards away back in my younger QB-ing days.

TroutMan: I can make beer, wine, and liquor for the post-heist celebration.

kayaker: I know people.

Anyone want to take a first stab at assigning some roles?

I, uh… this is difficult.

I’m good with animals, if there are going to be any involved somewhere.
My knowledge base is esoteric, but eclectic. So I might know a random helpful obscure fact. Especially if it involves science. Especially biological/zoological science.
I have a very good written vocabulary. I am at home with all manner of sesquipedalian words. I pronounce half of them wrong because I read them instead of hearing them, but I know what they mean.

Heist-specific skills:

I’m pretty good at picking locks. A million years ago I worked as an office maintenance guy and would pick peoples desks and file cabinets when they forgot or lost the keys. It’s still a hobby of mine.
I’m quite good at Not Being Seen.
I can drive heavy equipment such as bulldozers, backhoes, road rollers, etc.
I have some experience with blowing things up as both an amateur and professional (Navy Aviation Ordnance).

QS: Pretty sure I’ve got the fastest car, so I’m driving.

Kayaker: procure the necessary tools and fire-arms, chat up the guard.

iiandyiiii: heist plan in MS Project and ransom note. Shooter.

Sunny Daze: Medical supplies and bullet extraction

FairyChatMom: Sutures

Trout Man: Booze in lieu of anesthetics per bullet extraction procedure (above)

Omar Little: Diversion and distraction of target

Knowed Out: Muscle

Bullit: Navigator

August West: Safe cracker

Malleus, Incus, Stapes!: How do you look in a revealing top and skirt?

Running away may be necessary. I can help with the preparation.

Cornelius Tuggerson

Professional software engineer with lots of experience, rather useless in heist. Fat, loud, and obnoxious, can cause a scene if needed. Made sandwiches for a living back in college. Took a 4 hour handgun safety course and put in ~80 hours at a shooting range with various pistols and rifles over the years. Inconspicuous driver.

If we need to create a diversion by sliding granite stones along a sheet of ice, and then make our getaway on a large sailing ship, I’m your guy.

Obviously the heist can’t be done: there is no midget to go down the chimney!

Actually, I’ve got a dwarf (prefers to be called a little person, though).

Also, he’ll work for a 1/2 share.

Apparently I’m invisible to police, whether driving, walking or standing right in front of them, needing assistance.

Depends what it’s revealing.