I love this guy. I many ways he represents what is best about America. He’s kind of like Maverick in Top Gun; bold audacious, controversial, yet honest and lovable.
I love his playful flirtations at press conferences. A female reporter asked him a question.
Mike: “Did I fornicate with you?”
Reporter: “Excuse me?”
Mike: “I asked, did I fornicate with you? Because I don’t remember fornicating with you?”
Reporter: “We haven’t.”
Mike: “Well, you see, I don’t talk to bitches unless I fornicate with them first. So I ain’t answering your question, unless… you know?”
I admire the straightforward manner in which Mike sets his rules down. It’s fair and honest. Apparently his handlers didn’t agree, and it was a big deal at the press conference, so they set up a special one on one interview with the reporter, an exclusive where she could ask him anything she wanted, and Mike promised to behave.
They sat down.
Mike: “Before we begin, let me ask you a question”
Guess what the question was.
You might think that Mike’s insensitive, but the man feels a lot of pain.
Mike: “I wish all you people had kids, and the kids were here, and you could watch me beat them up and stop on their testicles, so you know how I feel all the time.”
He’s also learned:
Mike: “Fitzgerald and Hemmingway, that guy that killed himself? They were drunks and they were losers, but they were cool.”
And above all Mike always tells the truth
Reporter: Well, how do you justify trying to break your opponents arm?"
Mike: “That’s not true. I wasn’t trying to break his arm. I was trying to break his elbow.”
And, he’s misunderstood, and the whole cannibalism thing has been blown completely out of proportion.
Mike: “People compare me to Charlie Manson, but that’s not right. I don’t want to eat people or anything like that. I just want to take the occasional chomp.”
When he told his opponent that he was going to “fuck him and make him like it,” you know what? I think his opponent believed him. It was a priceless moment, and something that will go down forever in sports history.
I mean, do we really want Lennox Lewis, the ridiculous hulking black guy with the English accent, glass jaw and smoking jacket to be the heavyweight champion?
What’s the point? Lennox should go host Masterpiec Theatre and shit up.
This is America and Mike Tyson represents us. In this time of turmoil and International crisis we need more Mike Tysons. In truth, Will Smith said it best. “I want to be like Mike.”
Or was that Jordan he was talking about? Never mind.
Anyway, those other countries would think twice about messing with us if we were all like Mike Tyson.
The man’s a national treasure. He’s wonderful. I love the guy, and his strong no-nonsense worldview.
More importantly, Mike Tyson has reportedly promised to turn his whole life around 100% and be a perfect gentleman if he wins the heavyweight championship.
Who among you is so callous that they would deny a man his chance at redemption? How could you not love him? How could you not route for him?
He is everyman. He is all of us. If you don’t like him, look in the mirror. It is your self that you fear and loathe.
If we strip away your humanity, decency, common sense, self-restraint, and intelligence, than can you really say that you are any better than Mike Tyson?
I didn’t think so.
