Mike Tyson is My Hero

I love this guy. I many ways he represents what is best about America. He’s kind of like Maverick in Top Gun; bold audacious, controversial, yet honest and lovable.

I love his playful flirtations at press conferences. A female reporter asked him a question.

Mike: “Did I fornicate with you?”

Reporter: “Excuse me?”

Mike: “I asked, did I fornicate with you? Because I don’t remember fornicating with you?”

Reporter: “We haven’t.”

Mike: “Well, you see, I don’t talk to bitches unless I fornicate with them first. So I ain’t answering your question, unless… you know?”

I admire the straightforward manner in which Mike sets his rules down. It’s fair and honest. Apparently his handlers didn’t agree, and it was a big deal at the press conference, so they set up a special one on one interview with the reporter, an exclusive where she could ask him anything she wanted, and Mike promised to behave.

They sat down.

Mike: “Before we begin, let me ask you a question”

Guess what the question was.
You might think that Mike’s insensitive, but the man feels a lot of pain.

Mike: “I wish all you people had kids, and the kids were here, and you could watch me beat them up and stop on their testicles, so you know how I feel all the time.”

He’s also learned:

Mike: “Fitzgerald and Hemmingway, that guy that killed himself? They were drunks and they were losers, but they were cool.”

And above all Mike always tells the truth

Reporter: Well, how do you justify trying to break your opponents arm?"

Mike: “That’s not true. I wasn’t trying to break his arm. I was trying to break his elbow.”

And, he’s misunderstood, and the whole cannibalism thing has been blown completely out of proportion.

Mike: “People compare me to Charlie Manson, but that’s not right. I don’t want to eat people or anything like that. I just want to take the occasional chomp.”

When he told his opponent that he was going to “fuck him and make him like it,” you know what? I think his opponent believed him. It was a priceless moment, and something that will go down forever in sports history.

I mean, do we really want Lennox Lewis, the ridiculous hulking black guy with the English accent, glass jaw and smoking jacket to be the heavyweight champion?

What’s the point? Lennox should go host Masterpiec Theatre and shit up.

This is America and Mike Tyson represents us. In this time of turmoil and International crisis we need more Mike Tysons. In truth, Will Smith said it best. “I want to be like Mike.”
Or was that Jordan he was talking about? Never mind.

Anyway, those other countries would think twice about messing with us if we were all like Mike Tyson.

The man’s a national treasure. He’s wonderful. I love the guy, and his strong no-nonsense worldview.

More importantly, Mike Tyson has reportedly promised to turn his whole life around 100% and be a perfect gentleman if he wins the heavyweight championship.

Who among you is so callous that they would deny a man his chance at redemption? How could you not love him? How could you not route for him?

He is everyman. He is all of us. If you don’t like him, look in the mirror. It is your self that you fear and loathe.

If we strip away your humanity, decency, common sense, self-restraint, and intelligence, than can you really say that you are any better than Mike Tyson?

I didn’t think so.

Tyson has my sympathy. He can probably count on one hand (no jokes about needing to count on his hand) the number of people in his life who actually give a damn about him. Trainers, managers, handlers, promoters, they don’t care.

Sympathy? Sure. Admiration? Heck no. My money is on Lewis in the 8th.

The whole rapist thing underscored it a bit.

Wow. Get any on you, Syclla? 'Cause there’s a big puddle of sarcasm on the floor, here.

Wow. Get any on you, Scylla? 'Cause there’s a big puddle of sarcasm on the floor, here.

I for one would love to see Lennox Lewis shit up.

To paraphrase Dr. Henry Higgins:

“Call up that professor in New York. Tell him I’ve got the most original moralist in all of England right here, Alfred P. Doolittle!”
Scylla, trying to give George Bernard Shaw a run for his money?

I hope Tyson shatters Lennox’s glass jaw to dust.

I hope Tyson shatters Lennox’s glass jaw to dust.


Scylla, another priceless post!

Lewis in 6.

This reminds me: a while back I defended Tyson’s anger (but not the resultant bite) against Evander Holyfield for the way Holyfield head-butted him repeatedly.

Well, on Sunday, Holyfield won in the 8th against Hasim Rahman, when the fight was stopped as the result of an “accidental” head butt. The butt was so severe that it caused a swelling the size of a baseball to grow from Rahman’s head in one round’s time. Rahman is quoted here as saying, “He was head-butting me from round one and I told the referee.” Two serious butts were noted by the ref, the one that stopped the fight and another in the fourth round.

Holyfield is a dirty fighter who wins by cheating and leading with his head. Tyson shouldn’t have bitten him, but Holyfield sure as hell asks for it.

I agree with Max Torque about Holyfield. He is certainly a dirty fighter.

Yeah, but what about Tyson? Isn’t he a dirty fighter?

I think its going to be tyson in about 3. But as a limey and fully paid up member of the human race I hope that Lewis remembers that he’s a FIGHTER and panels the arsehole.

Beats him like a ginger step-child in fact.

That would be the perfect end to a great weekend here in GB with Ingerland having beat the argies (without sending on our sub)

I don’t like boxing (not for ethical reasons, I just think it’s a crap sport)

I don’t like Mike Tyson. (No amount of wit or cuddly-controversiality can redeem the fact that he is just evil and an allround shit)

I will however be interested in Tyson V Lewis (lewis winning that is) as my patriotism slightly overrides my dislike of boxing.

So there.

DAMMIT! leave my sig on SDMB please!

Scylla, your tribute to Tyson reads like a resume of my favorite Everyman character. Put aside Mike’s beating, raping, biting, foul mouth, disrespect, and bad grammar; and you’re left with Atticus Finch from To Kill a Mockingbird, another “fighter for truth and justice.”

It’s eerie! :stuck_out_tongue:

Mike Tyson sans medication is downright scary.

This I will say in defense of Tyson.

A lot was made about that big melee when Tyson and Lewis appeared on stage together. Tyson came over to where Lewis was standing, and then everybody was kung-fu fighting.

Tyson got FULL blame for it all. Tsk tsk. That terrible Tyson psychopath, at it again.

Well, Tyson was coming over to Lewis for a better photo op. You know the one; where the boxers stand chin-to-chin, fist upraised, looking menacingly at one another. One of Lewis’s security people freaked out when he saw Tyson coming, and started the whole thing.

What wine goes with children? How about an ear, or a leg?

I haven’t watched a PPV fight since Tyson-Holyfield 2. I’m not planning on forking over $55 for this fight.

I predict Lewis in 8, unless Tyson does something to merit disqualification.

On a good note, Tyson hugged a gay protestor and told him he wasn’t homophobic. Go figure :eek: (enter prison shower joke here)