An open letter to "Iron" Mike Tyson

I am writing in regards to your fight on the night of Saturday, June eigth, of the year two thousand two.

The went exactly as I predicted, except for the duration. I never thought you would tire that quickly.

Now, sir, I beseech you: what the flying fuck happened? You dominated the first round! All the power shots you landed on big Louie were dealt in the first round! You took no serious shots and dealt several! Lewis’ markings came from the first round!

Now, sir, I repeat: what the hell happened? How the hell did you tire out midway through the second round? I mean, yeah, your stupid lunging/headhunting strategy was probably tiring and you should’ve had someone like Jay Bright in your corner, but one cannot overlook the fundamental fact that you were dragging your sorry ass in the third round!

Even if your strategy was to chase your opponent with intense calisthenics you should expect to be in good enough condition to last more than three minutes!

What the hell was that? I can go full out for more than a round and I don’t have the benefit of world-class trainers or six months of conditioning.

I am formally disgusted with you, sir. You were a disgrace in lethargic motion. The first round told me you could have done something great. The second round told me you’re not a fighter any more.

Thank you kindly for your time,
Anal Scurvy

P.S. Remember when you kissed Lennox Lewis’ mother? Afterwards you dropped your shoulder and I swear to god I thought you were going to lay her out.

Why didn’t you? Did you have to disapoint me the entire night through?

You don’t seriously think Mike Tyson can read, do you?


Don’t piss ol’ Mike off. He might rape you.**

**(Joke borrowed from SNL)


Just curious: do you go more than three minutes with a world heavyweight champion beating on you? 'Cause that tends to take a bit out of a fella…

your just now formally disgusted with him? jeez, dude! you need to read the papers more often! :smiley:

I don’t believe there was really someone in the US who thought Tyson was ever a good boxer. No offense, Scurvy, but damn.

Color me crazy, andros but I think that you have to be at least a teensy bit good at boxing to become heavyweight champion of the world.

Yeah but the point is that Mike is supposed to be an athelete in great shape. He shouldn’t have tired that quickly.

He’s a slugger, a one-puncher. He’s not good at boxing, he’s good at hitting heally hard. Now, there are those who might argue that’s the same thing, but for those who buy into the whole “boxing as subtle athletic event” thing, he’s technically a fairly mediocre boxer at best.

Ex-boxer here.

Mike is a good boxer. Cus D’amato doesn’t come any better as a trainer. Mike never was a one puncher either. His strength and usual M.O. is to get inside quickly and throw a lethal series of combinations. He usually attacks the hips, lower abdomen and kidneys which slows down his opponent. Like all good boxers his strength is also his weakness. His short arms our powerful inside and he’s devestating right before the clinch. The problem is that Lennox Lewis knew all this. His goal was to keep Mike on the outside at his preferred range.

The battle took place in the first round with the multiple clinches. Did you see how Lennox kept using one arm to hold Mike back and the other to punch? Did you see how every time Mike got in close, Lennox clinched him up and pushed down on Mike’s arms head and neck?

When he pushed down like that Mike has to use his strength just to stand, while Lennox was essentially resting on him. Mike had to try to punch uphill from a poor leverage position.

Finally, to answer the OP. Standing there and throwing punches for three minutes isn’t the issue. It’s getting hit. I was not a very good boxer, so I know exactly what happens when you get hit really hard. Mike had his bell rung late in the first round or early in the second (I’m pretty sure it was the first,) and it basically knocked him out of the present tense. He was dazed thereafter. I’ve gotten hit where it takes a week before I could think straight again. It takes away all your will and focus.

Without that sharpness and feeling punchy, Mike no longer had the resources to do his bob and weave and get inside. Every time he tried, he got hit hard.

So, it’s not that he didn’t have the stamina, it’s just that he was knocked out of his game.

After seeing the fight, though it was obvious that Lennox got lucky by catching Mike early with a good shot, Mike didn’t have much chance against somebody with both the reach and the strategy to defeat his game.

Fair 'nuff Scylla–I misspoke, and that too quickly. I agree that D’Amato is a hell of a trainer, and he did a sound job with Tyson.

As sound as could be expected, anyway. I just don’t think Tyson ever had the mental stamina or flexibility to be anywhere near as good as he could have been. Sure, he had the skills, but he’s been so used to dominating and devastating his opponents quickly that when he doesn’t, he falls apart. He showed it against Holyfield (hell, if you can’t beat 'em, eat 'em) and he showed it against Lewis, spending the bulk of the match standing around like a chump. Lewis outfought him–but he has Tyson himself in his corner.

All MHO, of course. :wink:

The OP said that even he could go “full out” for “more than a round.” I was just pointing out that that was a pretty silly statement to make on the face of it; unless Anal is a pretty exceptional boxer, there’s not much chance he’s going to last more than a couple of minutes with Lewis beating him to a pulp.

Why the fuck are you people cheering for an earbiter? Tyson is nothing but a menace.

I recently read this, but don’t remember where: Boxing is what they do in the Olympics, prize fighting is what they do for money.

Tyson was a prizefighter, and a pretty dern good one at that.

Tyson actually used to be very skilled. He was quick, hard to hit, and a powerful puncher. It was all downhill after his 1 round KO of Michael Spinks, 12 years ago. He had a couple of decent fights after that performance, but his training and management went right down the crapper, taking him with it.

I get the feeling that his guys just keep telling him how great he is, instead of kicking his ass to get better. I’m amazed at how long he actually lasted, he looked like he was in slow motion compared to Lewis, and took a big helping of hard right hands.

If he had stayed active, and kept good trainers and management, he could have been one of the best ever.

I think you’d be surpised just how much that takes out of you…

Hmm. I didn’t even know it was Boxing Season…

Oh, that’s what makes him a menace! Silly me, I thought it was his being a convicted rapist.


Agreed. Well, semi-agreed. A boxer really isn’t supposed to be thinking and strategizing. It’s not his job. It’s impossible to evaluate how you’re doing when you’re in the ring beyond “Damn, I’m getting my ass kicked!” or “Damn, I’m kicking his ass!”

That’s why you have a corner. They’re supposed to prepare you for a fight give you a strategy which you execute, and have contingencies. All the boxer needs to do is take direction.

I don’t think Mike was adequately prepared for the fight in terms of strategy. Lennox was. He had a whole strategy in place that he’d had beat into him about keeping Mike on the outside, and more importantly what to do when the strategy failed and Mike did get inside.

I think Mike’s corner just told him to get inside. They didn’t tell him how, or what to do when Lennox tried to stop him. And, Mike did pretty well at getting inside that first round.

Lennox stuck to his strategy, and made the price high for Mike’s efforts, and, it might have been a great fight if Mike hadn’t been hurt, and had stuck to his strategy, or better yet, had a methodology for implementing it.

These guys knew each other. Didn’t Mike’s corner know that Lennox would try to keep him at range? Why didn’t they have a plan? I saw no evidence of one.

Boxers strategize all the time. In the Tyson-Lewis fight, Lewis said that he noticed Tyson ducking to the left, so he threw his right to the direction that he knew Tyson would be. That punched knocked Tyson out.

Ali’s famous rope-a-dope against George Foreman was a spur of the moment strategy that he thought up – not his corner – when he realized that the strategy they had planned to use would not work.