There’s a philosophy at daycare centers on military bases now which basically says, let the kid do whatever they want. I know this because I work at one and my stepkids go to another. (Wierd rule: if you work at one facility your kids can’t go there even if they’re in a different room.) The things I see at this place make me boil.
You are absolutely never allowed to say no to a child. This is the golden rule. If Billy is stabbing Max in the face with scissors, you do not say “No, Billy, stop!” Instead you have to give POSITIVE REDIRECTION and say, gently, “Billy, dear, Max is your friend and he doesn’t like when you stab him with scissors. Why don’t we play nice together?” Telling Billy to stop will make him feel bad and inferior. He is stabbing another child with scissors! I don’t know about inferior, but he IS bad and needs to know it so he can stop! You’re also not allowed to take the scissors away. This teaches Billy that it’s ok to steal.
If Jessica calls Emily an “ugly poopoo head”, you can not say “That’s not nice, Jessica.” That teaches Jessica that she is not nice and traumatizes her for life. (Jessica obviously is not being nice. She needs to be told this so she can learn what is not acceptable!) Instead, you ignore her behavior and tell Emily to say “I don’t like that, Jessica!”
In fact all victims at the daycare center are expected to fend for themselves in this manner! No matter what it is, it’s always “I don’t LIKE that, Devin!” “I don’t LIKE that, Kayla!” Is it effective? No! Is it annoying? Yes!
My 4 year old stepson now comes home everyday and if we tell him to take his jacket off he says “I don’t LIKE that!” God it’s an annoying phrase.
Other rules at daycare include MEANINGFUL CONVERSATIONS. You must enhance the child’s brain by asking them open ended questions. We are observed and rated daily on this. I work with INFANTS. How many meaningful conversations do you think I have with them?! “You must SING TO THE BABY!” management yells at me. I sing to the baby songs I make up. “You must sing a song I KNOW!” they yell at me. WTF?!
These kids are going to grow up all messed up due to a complete lack of discipline. And I don’t mean bad discipline, I mean, they need to learn their barriers. Because I have actually seen a kid try to stab another with scissors. A 3 year old. And noone told him no.
My son went to a military daycare. He was routinely told “no”, as were the other kids. (I know this because I heard it on more than one occasion.)
In any event, positive redirection and “I” statements work well with kids. If I see my son playing with something dangerous or that I don’t want him to play with, I HAVE to give him something different. Otherwise, he whines and cries because he wants the object I just took away. Positive redirection gives him an alternative that is safe and acceptable.
“I” statements are effective because kids want to please the adults they like and care about. If they sense that they are not pleasing you, they will change their behavior so that they are pleasing you. It’s also a way to separate the behavior from the child.
Truth be told, if I’d read this post and Aaron was in your daycare, I’d ask for him to be reassigned to a different room. Or else I’d have a long, long chat with the director. Because it’s not a universal “all military daycares” practice.
This is because you are supposed to be watching other people’s kids, not your own. Are you unable to see any conflict of interests that might arise?
I suspect that you have misinterpereted your instructions. Most likely, they do not mean that you are required to let Billy continue stabbing another child with scissors. You are probably supposed to ask Billy to relinquish his scissors to you or something. Even if that was the rule, your own common sense should tell you that it is ok to prevent children from injuring each other.
“Positive reinforment” does not mean "let the kids do what they want. It is simply a style of correcting behavior. If you just say “NO!!” and rap them with a spoon every time they get out of line, they won’t understand WHY they shouldn’t do certain things. Only that certain actions elicit a negative response.
Jeeze!! Even I know this and I don’t even work with kids.
I would bet that it is the head of the daycare(s) who have misinterpereted instructions.
Directives get handed down through many levels and the implementation of a theory of how to handle children in daycares across the planet is not going to be handled the same in every daycare.
You know, when ever I tell people that my dad was a Sargent in the USAF the all assume that I had a very strict upbringing. Complet with crew cuts and morning calisthenics. I blame that episode of The Brady Bunch when Alice’s sister filled in for her.
It’s not just military daycares. It’s all of them. I taught preschool for 9 years and I have been Director at three different centers and it’s just the way it is. But it isn’t the Director, it’s the Licensing people saying that. The Director’s are just handing it down.
Speaking as someone who grew up helping and working in a daycare, (my parents ran a daycare out of our house.) I would agree that it’s the damn licensing people.
My mother had a problem with telling kids not to do something when they were obviously misbehaving, thankfully my father was there to be a disciplinarian to the kids, and they all did listen to him because they knew he wasn’t like my mother.
Some of those policies and instructional things at the educational facilities where they teach how to run a daycare are just so messed up beyond the point of messed up, the problem is like a game of telephone, they’re trying to teach you how to judge something which needs to be judged on a case-by-case basis. The problem is that they try to teach you what to do with strict rules, not why neccesarily to do it, so that you can make a judgement call.
Ever wonder why they call military children “brats”?
I am not a parent, nor have I worked or spent time in a day care, let alone a military one, but I did spend 3 years as a civilian on a military base (my mom was a teacher). While I don’t know that more “spoiled” children were in my school there as opposed to the public schools I attended in other years, I do remember that a couple of the most spoiled kids I have ever met were on the base (grades 4 to 6). Kids bullying a lot, using their parent’s military ranks as a justification for their actions, and not understanding why someone would dare tell them not to do whatever it is they did. I would say that some of the most agressive actions I witnessed (I tended to pass under most people’s radar) were during the Gulf War, when a lot of these kid’s parents were away in Iraq or elsewhere, and things were tense for everyone. Many of the kids WERE the “typical” brats, having moved from base to base so many times, that they really didn’t identify one place as their hometown.
Anyways, as I said, there have been spoiled kids off-base too, in my experience, but a couple of them on base stuck in my memory. I have no way of knowing if these behaviours have any roots in their daycare experiences, but the topic title just brought a couple memories to mind! Just thought I’d share!
As to kids pulling their parents’ ranks: I grew up as a military brat and went to DoD schools, and you’re right, there was a definite line drawn between the Officer’s kids and the Enlisted’s kids.
On the subject of military daycares however: the best daycare my son ever attended was on Hickam AFB. Fantastic caregivers, great facilities, wonderful activities. Beautifully subsidized too. I’ve never found its equal in the civilian world.
Yep, part of it’s licensing and part of it’s Child Protection Laws.
I teach preschool right now and it’s a very touchy subject.
But… you can rest assured if little Billy is stabbing little Max with the scissors, Billy will get the scissors yanked out of his hand and be told “NO!” in my center. Then Max will be attended to first. Then Billy would end up in the office and his parents would be called. That’s pretty serious.
If Jessica calls Emily an “ugly poopoo head,” then Jessica would have to apologize, and I would explain that those are words we don’t use in school and that she should think about how she would feel if someone called her an ‘ugly poopoo head.’ If it happened again, she’d get a time-out.
Yeah, I know, it’s a little touchy-feely, but you can’t spank them or 'rip ‘em a new one.’ What’re you gonna do?
We don’t really do the “I don’t like that” bit at my school, depending on what the behavior is. It’s more along the lines of “You cannot do that/You can’t behave that way/That is not acceptable behavior” type of talking. They get time-outs for repeat offenses or more serious stuff like spitting or name-calling or hitting.
There’s nothing wrong with talking to the kids, and having conversations with them. It can get the quieter ones to open up. If I’m at the Play-Dough table, I’ll make a ‘pizza’ and ask them what they like on their pizza, and then make up silly things and ask them if they would like it on their pizza, like jelly beans or tuna fish or Cheerios.
