On a related note, I like sports. I’m a fan of some teams. But I am not on the roster of any sports teams, professional or otherwise. And I never have been. Nor am I involved in any management or administrative position. And I certainly don’t own a team.
Which is why you’ll never here me saying something like “We’re going to win the Superbowl this year.” Because I’m pretty sure nobody’s going to be putting a ring on my finger. Whoever does win the Superbowl will have done it without my help.
OK, OK. I guess I don’t really hate you and A Clockwork Melon. I mean what I have already more than meets my needs. Those other three jerks can rot in hell though!
And us five hate you, too, pindick! 
Chicks, when we go out to dinner with you and your husband and me and my husband, do not assume that the conversation must be segregated by sex. If the conversation turns to something that you are not interested in, it is not appropriate to turn to me and initiate a “girl’s” conversation separate from the table conversation. It is especially not appropriate to turn that conversation into a “let me tell you what a dick my husband is” conversation. It’s rude and annoying to not join in the general table discussion, and 9 times out of 10, I’m more interested in that conversation and don’t want to hear about that bitch you work with or how your husband doesn’t take out the garbage or what your precious children did yesterday.
Women - do not use the sexual harrassment laws as a club to “punish” some guy who pissed you off. Or some employer who pissed you off. These laws are not intended as a means for petty retribution. You hurt all the credibility of women and men who are truly hurt by genuine harrassment when you engage in these childish games.
Easy, it’s not that you miss, it’s a few dribbles at the end when the pressure unexpectedly drops.
Of course, women are hwaaaay worse with their “hovering”, which spray urine all over the seat, the floor, walls, ceiling, and fixtures.
Also, when you shoot a stream of liquid into a bowl of a different liquid from a distance of a couple of feet with some pressure…there is often a drop or two of ‘splash’.
This username/post combo leads to so many puns that I can’t even pick one
Ladies - and I use that term loosely - shut the fuck up about my lack of nail polish, my lack of make-up, and my body hair. My nails are kept trimmed and clean, I wash as needed, and I am not excessively or grotesquely hairy. I just don’t see a need for spending 3 hours a day on “maintenance” that involves scraping nearly invisible hair off my body (particularly areas covered by clothes anyway), daubing colored mud here and there on my face, and coating the ends of my fingers in “enamel” prone to chipping and looking like crap. No, I don’t want a makeover to be a “completely new person!” I like the current me!
I have never told another woman how to wear her make up, her hair, her shoes, her clothes (unless solicited directly for an opinion, and even there I hesitate to recommend changes). Why are total strangers compelled to come up to me and do this? Who the fuck asked you? Why do you care that I’m wearing Birkenstocks instead of strappy sandals with four inch stilleto heels?
Oddly enough - I seem to have no problem with finding decent men to speak with, and I have a wonderful, drama-free decades long marriage. Unlike many of these busy bodies with their primping and tweezing and so forth. Maybe YOU should try MY style for a change, hmmm?
Seriously - I had one of these harpies tell me a couple months ago I’d never get a man if I didn’t pay more attention to my looks and style. Excuse me? Funny, I though the husband I’ve been married to for the past two decades was a man. *::: scurries off for a crotch check ::: * Yep, the husband definitely still has a penis, think that’s a man over there on the couch watching TV.
Men: No, proficiency at obscure manual labor tasks does not make one more of a man. No, I have never run a roto-tiller or used an arc welder. Can you use a Discrete Cosine Transform to analyze a digital signal? No? Then piss off!
And stop talking to me at the urinal, this is not conversation time!
Guys: We’re in our 40s and 50s now. I’m really not interested in hearing, for the 10th time, about how hot your girlfriend in high school was. You’re just patting yourself on the back anyway for having been able to have a “hot girlfriend”. And you know what? Even if I did care, I wouldn’t trust your analysis anyway. It’s amazing how hot the girlfriends are who no one has ever seen.
On one hand, I hate the way many women act. They’re bitchy, manipulative, petty, vain, whiny, juvenile, and self-centered. I hate being lumped into the same group as them just because I’m female too. I hate the assumption I have the same interests, cares, opinions, goals, expectations, and insecurities as most women.
On the other hand, I really like how awesome I am by comparison, especially to guys. I suppose I can put up with you bitches if it translates to positive male attention.
Hey dudes, you know what? You do NOT have to be an ultra-homophobic piece of shit in order to prove how manly you are. You do NOT have to freak out if another man touches your leg/arm/shoulder to get your attention…don’t worry it’s not going to make your dick fall off or turn you gay, I swear! Nor do you have to constantly mention how you “dont give a shit what they do at home, just don’t hit on me or else” to show how tough and straight you are. Actually, homophobia makes you look like a stupid fucking meathead. What’s more, it’s been my experience that many women, if not most, are turned off by it.
And another thing, guys: you don’t have to be afraid to cry in front of other people. This macho bullshit sucks. Fuckin’ a, man…cry if you feel sad. That’s what everyone else in the world does.
Women, your hormones do not excuse you from acting like a decent human being. Half the human race is dealing with the same hormonal roller coaster, and we all have to find a way to not kill everyone else.
You are not always right.
Your man doesn’t need to guess why you’re upset to prove his love - you can tell him, honest - it’s not cheating.
The man you married is likely the man he’s going to remain. You married an adult, and he’s free to be the man he is; you were free to not marry him if you didn’t like how he did things.
Quit being such bitches to me when I’m working. I’m not just like you, but I’m not threatening in any way, I swear. I just want to do my job and go home, and have nothing to do with your petty politics. If your entire identity is wrapped up in your job, that’s your problem; quit making it mine.
Guys: No, all men are not slaves to their horniness. Not all men are crass, gross, insensitive idiots who can’t help it because of their constant insatiable drive for sex. Please stop slandering the rest of your gender with your own disgusting habits.
(Yes, I am aware of the irony. I am not addressing all men. Just the ones who claim such things)
This times about a BILLION.
Worse, I’m pregnant with number two and these assholes talk to me like I don’t know what the fuck is going on. I had one get bitchy with me just the other day because I looked at her kind of dumbly and asked if she really thought she was telling me anything I don’t already know because “You do realize I’ve done this before, don’t you?”
I saw her again today and it took just about everything I had not to push her off the balcony, seriously.
Also (and, coincidentally, the same stupid woman but women in general as well), stop giving me unsolicited “parenting advice”, especially when your oldest kid is a dishonest, manipulative and whiny thief and your youngest is obese and, quite frankly, stupid. You suck at parenting. You have no business at all trying to tell other people about being a mom.
Women: Don’t ask if a particular article of clothing makes you look fat and get upset when you get a truthful answer. Don’t wonder why we tend to keep our opinions as to your looks re: new haircuts, makeup, clothing choices, etc, to ourselves from then on.
So, Uzi, I guess as this is the ‘Mini-Rants about members of the SAME sex’ thread you have a little change you want to share with us?
:smack:
One of my best friends is gay and whenever I or our friends are having women trouble of a ridiculous or overly dramatic nature he comments how much easier it is with two men because there’s so much less bullshit. Although he’s always described his ideal guy as a regular guy you wouldn’t guess is gay but happens to like guys, so maybe it depends on your type.
To be fair, I would never say “you’re so lucky to be gay” to somebody.