Without necessarily agreeing that your (discreet) hovering round this woman falls into the “stalking” category, Rift, the outcome seems to signal loud and clear that she’s, as they say, just not that into you.
I think both of you handled this pretty well, actually; you made a thoughtful overture without being demanding or intrusive, and she brushed you off as humanely as possible by not responding. Better luck next time!
(Thinking back twenty years ago when I dated some physics guys myself… Ah, those were good times!)
I know when she goes to one of her classes, MWF, and I know she has her teaching thing early in the mornings. That’s it. I met up with her that way 3 or 4 times, which I did because she didn’t even answer the emails she told me to send. That’s right - she told me to my face to send her an email regarding us going dancing. Then she didn’t answer it. Here’s some more information for you: she told me do to that right after we finished going out to dinner. The following weekend, we went to parties both Friday and Saturday nights. We also spoke on the phone and on instant messenger several times. I’ll admit, my letter isn’t the whole story, so it’s somewhat misleading. But I certainly was not just following her around.
Kimstu, you’ve got a point, but I don’t think ignoring something like what I did is polite. A polite brushoff would have been sending me an email or something saying “No thank you,” not just leaving me in the lurch.
Hmmm, she sounds kind of like one of those girls who are always friendly and encouraging to guys in person, even if they really don’t want to encourage them, because they “don’t want to be mean”.
Of course, it’s actually a lot “meaner” and crueler to send mixed messages like that and raise false hopes than it is to just choke the guy off right away by being a bit cool and distant. But some women take a long time to learn that.
Sounds as though you rank as, at best, a friendly acquaintance; she may hang out with you from time to time if you happen to be there, but she won’t lift a finger to seek you out or respond to your seeking her, if you’re not there. I think you’re right to decide not to waste any more time on her.
(And a final bit of advice from Aunt Kimstu: if, now that you’ve made this decision, you happen to run into her (genuinely) accidentally and she’s all “Hi! Where have you been? Let’s get together! Let’s do dinner or something!”, don’t cave. Smile and say “Sounds great, call me!” If she really does have any interest in you, she should be willing to follow it up when you’re not actually right there taking up space on her retinas. If she continues not to follow up…well, she’s just not that into you.)
Maybe, but as I said, she sounds like one of those people who’s unable to do any rejecting except at a distance. (Failure to respond is in fact a Miss-Manners-approved way to signal not being interested, btw, although as I said it’s cruel and stupid to undermine it by being too encouraging in person.)
Synchronise with the real time please. I know its hard because I’m working at night but I get home at 11. I promise to stop feeding you coffee after this week, I just need it to work!