Inspired by the Mad Scientist Curriculum, and bolstered by this sort of discussion in this week’s MMP:
I thought it might be a good idea to develop a lower level curriculum for the aspiring lackey, minion, henchman or even sidekick. So, what sorts of courses will we need to provide the next generation of minions the proper training?
I’m not good at coming up with labels, but I do have some ideas.
Taking Orders and Carrying them Out 101
Bowing and Scraping to your Superior 101 through Upper Level
The Boss is Right all the Time 101 through Upper Level
I like to think that naked thread-running is a useful thing to know…
Sould a henchman wear his hench on the right or the left? And what about henchwomen? We gotta have henchwomen so’s we can have henchchildren.
Won’t someone think about the henchchildren?
:eek:
I think we’ll have to pay special attention to the outplacement service. Getting the wrong henchman associated with the wrong Master is just a disaster waiting to happen.
Sure, hiring can be a problem. But firing is easy. Just use a big enough cannon.
So, first semester course load might look something like this:
Is that enough, or should I add a couple of courses?
How 'bout:
Basic Henchman Grooming–How to look imposing, while still looking less imposing than your master.
Basic Weapons Training–Every henchman needs to know how to weild a weapon of only for self-defence. In this course you will learn how to use pistols, rifles, and swords/knives. “Soldier-type” henchmen are recomended to take: Advanced Weapons Training, and one of the following Fire-arm Mastery, Melee-weapon Mastery, or Futuristic Weapon Mastery
B]Advanced Weapons Training**–In this course you will advance you’re proficiency with weapons from Basic Weapons Training, and be introduced to futuristic weapons, such as lasers, lighsabers, and deathrays.
Fire-arm Mastery–In this course you will perfect you’re use of you’re choise of various types of pistols, rifles, automatic weapons, etc.
Melee-weapon Mastery–In this course you will perfect you’re use of you’re choise of various types of swords, axes, flails, knives, etc.
Futuristic Weapon Mastery–In this course you will perfect you’re use of you’re choise of various types of lasers, lightsabers, and deathrays.
Basic Magic–This course covers how to use basic attack spells such as fireballs, and lightning.
Shibb- How can the first semester not include some sort of massage basics? And what about the Master? You have to prepare them to take control of the underling and groom them. There is much manipulation to be done, ya know!
Sean- You’ve been around here long enough to know that cannon really isn’t an appropriate disposal method. Some suggestions include trebuchet, robot of death, and of course 1920’s style death ray.
It’s probably an advanced course, but there needs to be someplace where you teach them the skill of whooping @$$ on everyone except for the hero, who some how manages to defeat you.
Timing is Everything, or How to Wait For Your Turn in a Brawl.
It’s a poorly trained group of minions that attack the hero en masse. Remember- a good minion waits his turn.
Seems to me that some aspect of recruitment (sure, make henchbabies, but these things take time to develop) should be involved. Perhaps a Public Relations, Marketing-type deal? After all, it’s one thing to control a vast empire, but it’s another thing not to run it into the ground.
Have you ever seen Blazing Saddles?
We really need to define the parameters of each position, as well as their context, because there is a distinct difference between being the henchman to one’s sig. other, and being a henchman to a crazed madman hellbent on world domination. But with that in mind, we could go all University with it, and have a college for each particular context, with degree programs within each.
After viewing some of the replies here, there are some people that frighten me.
How to grow a Hunch 101
How to develop your Hunch into a grotesque deformity with exercise 201
Grave Robbing 101: This Is Your Shovel
Grave Robbing 102: Crawling Out Of A Grave After Falling In.
Grave Robbing 103: Not Falling Into Graves.
Grave Robbing 201: Cracking Open Tombs
Grave Robbing 301: DON’T PULL OUT THAT STAKE (no grade, pass/fail)
Don’t forget the social safety nets!
ACC 321: Retiring Well with Minion-mum Investments
I’m trying to figure out whether to groan or smile on this one. I think maybe both.