Hallmark, the true Evil Empire.
Speaking of goats…
Well, what am I supposed to write about? The fence that fell down back in January? The embarassing little surgical operation in May? A request for donations to help pay off the credit card bills?
Anything. Make fun of your life.
I also pit Xmas cards because no matter where I display them, they fall down.
::Looks around, blinking at the size of the thread. Double checks forum page. Yep, three pages. 
Neat::
Just for the record, I love mayonaise, never had Miracle Whip, hate Velveeta and tolerate egg nog with or without alcohol.
I’m back to pit my boss. I gave her the Christmas card list on December 1st. She hemmed and hawed for two weeks before telling me we would not be sending any cards. Fine by me, one less thing to do on a very busy week. Well, yesterday she comes in for the first time in a week and notices how many cards we got and decides we do need to send cards. By today.
So I am writing notes and licking envelopes and will momentarily run out to the post office to mail them because she procrastinates and can’t stick to her guns. Why? Because I’m a good little worker. And because I’m feeling kind of guilty for planning on leaving after the first of the year. But that’s another thread.
I pit Mike Myers for his version of How The Grinch Stole Christmas and his lousy, lousy voice that he did as The Cat that was Charles Nelson Reilly spot on.
Also for fudge. Don’t ask.
I pit whoever decided to distribute religious stamps to the local grocery stores. When I bought stamps for my holiday cards the other week (and again yesterday, when I needed to buy more), I had to give back the Virgin Mary stamps and specifically ask for the secular ones – which, for a minute, the cashier wasn’t even sure she had.
WTF? Can’t they keep the religious stamps at the post office for the people who want them? :mad:
(The funny part is that I demanded the nonreligious stamps right after the cashier rang up my economy-size box of condoms. :D)
Mine were falling down all the time, too, until I started taping them to the fireplace mantel. Now they’re out of the way, secured, and decorative. 
I pit all you bastards who bought 17" flat panel monitors from Dell during the last few weeks. I also pit Dell for not updating their website. They got my hopes up with that usually ships in 24 hours thing. I even paid extra for next day shipping. Now, it’s been a week and my goddam monitor hasn’t even shipped yet!!! So, since all those other fuckers procrastinated on their Christmas shopping, I have to suffer with my crappy old monitor.
I Want My Monitor DAMMIT!
Oh, I would get sick on the 22nd!!!
It hurts to swallow.
Have to double pit Amazon.com, but it was actually ToysRUs via Amazon.com…I ordered toys for my daughter in the middle of November, only to have them keep delaying the delivery date. Then one of the items was out of stock, which meant that I had to cancel it which pushed my order total under the amount needed for free shipping, which meant that I was being charged more without the cancelled item than with it. And then, they pushed the delivery date to after Christmas for the remaining two items and I cancelled the order. And a big Fuck You again to ToysRus online for hardly having anything in stock! Take the damn previews off your website if the item is not in stock.
Thanks for letting me vent!
That was Jim Carrey in the updated Grinch movie, unless there’s another one I’m not aware of.
I pit the Ebay sellers who sold me some Futurama toys and anime DVDs for my boyfriend with the guarantee that they would arrive by Xmas. Okay, maybe that’s not fair, we do have another mail day left. But still, I bought this stuff on Friday and both the sellers live in my state, so it shouldn’t take this long for the stuff to arrive, especially when they both splashed a big “guaranteed delivery” sign on their auctions.
I also pit that instrumental from the Charlie Brown special (not “Christmastime is Here,” the other one), which they played no less than three times today over the mall speaker system. Peanuts totally creeps me out.
Jenaroph - That Gene Autry sounding guy singing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer probably was Gene Autry and it may or may not be the original version of the song, but it certainly is a very early version.
- I pit the commercials. There’s this one I really hate with a particularly excruciating jingle. It’s for a jeweler or something and it just sings this song over and over again that goes “I got a mojo box, I got a mojo box, I got a mojo box!”.
Yeah, well I got a mojo box for ya right here!
- I pit lazy ass shopping cart stealers. I went to BB&B the other day. I had the foresight to get a cart before going in. I picked up a squashie pillow first thing and proceeded to shop. At one point I wanted to go down a side aisle that had a few people wandering them. I figured it would be crowded with my cart so I parked it in the center aisle (but out of the path of traffic). I went down a couple aisles and came back to find my cart gone and the pillow in it thrown on top of the display I had been parled next to. I saw a woman pushing a cart a little further down the aisle and she stopped and loaded a vacuum cleaner into it. I suspect that she took the cart. She was too frickin’ lazy to walk several more feet to the front of the store for her own cart or even ask one of the many salespeople for one, so she decided since I left my cart for 2 seconds and only had a pillow in it that it was fair game.
I really wish I had caught her in the act so I could have vented. I have fibromyalgia, I use shopping carts to lean on for extra support because after walking around just a little bit my leg joints, feet and back are usually hurting and I am fatigued. Also just because I only had a damned pillow in the cart it didn’t mean I had no intention of buying more and just because I left the cart for a few seconds didn’t make it fair game when there were hundreds of carts right outside where she should have taken one, especially if she knew she was getting a big ticket item.
- Whatever happened to price stickers? Why do so many stores only label the shelf the item is on and then don’t label the shelves for over half the products?
Some stores have price scanners in various places around the store so you can check the price yourself. WHY? Why do have have to lug several items over to the scanner to check the prices to see if I want it when you could just put price stickers on everything like they did in the olden days? I think everyone should start protesting this by leaving everything you don’t want on the floor in front of the price checker so they have to put it back.
Not a pit:
I thank Shirley Ujest for “O Grannie Baum”, I’m still laughing about that.
I sit corrected, it was **Jim Carrey ** who singlehandedly ruined How the Grinch Stole Christmas and it was Mike Myers who ruined The Cat In the Hat
Bastards.
:::::*Oh Granniebaum Oh Grannie Baum *…::::::::::::::::::::::
I pit my landlord for having closed the shop above which I live for about two weeks and counting. Without telling me. Nor do I have a contact number. Why is this bad? My mail comes in there so I can’t collect it. No Christmas cards for Pookah. 
(And I also can’t quickly return a card to someone who has sent me one unexpectedly and pretend the mail took aaaages to send mine. )
Also, being Dutch I have to stress that mayonaise is a divine substance without which the eating of chips (fries) would be pointless.
I Pit myself for dropping the celery and leeks into the bacon grease at such an angle and from such a height as to get splashed with hot grease. Ow owwie ow ow. Now I have a bandage on my wrist, and at first glace it looks like I tried to commit suicide.
My husband volunteered to be on call today, so I was planning to drive down to New Orleans, visit with my family for a few hours, and head back in time to take care of my friend’s pets (which I’ve been doing as they are out of town). I left for New Orleans around noon, it was sunny and cold. My sister had called to warn me that she’d heard on the news that patches of ice were being reported on I-10. I thought, “No big deal.”
First hint of trouble was a sudden traffic jam on I-10 outside of Baton Rouge. The state police had closed the interstate at Prairieville because of ice on the overpasses. Okay, not unexpected, I eventually exited and used side roads to get over to US 61 aka Airline Highway, which is an alternate route into New Orleans. Tedious stop and go through the traffic signals in Gonzales, then I figured I could stay on 61 for pretty much clear sailing through to Kenner.
The snow started somewhere in Sorrento, just past Gonzales. Not just flurries, folks. Fluffy white stuff was falling from the sky. It was melting as it hit the windshield and the road surface, so I found it enchanting for about 15 minutes. Then it began snowing more heavily. People were pulling over to the side of the road, and piling out of their cars to take photos. There are some plants which just look strange under snowfall. Magnolias and palm trees in particular look very very wrong with snow on them. It’s surreal to be driving alongside a bayou, looking at snow-covered cypresses.
By the time I got to LaPlace (outside New Orleans), the snow had turned to a “winter mix” of snow/sleet/ice and the traffic had come to a standstill. Any enchantment at the sudden white Christmas had worn off a while back. After 45 minutes of inching forward through gridlocked traffic, I had traveled maybe five miles. At that point, I was moving to the left lane to make a U-turn and head back to Baton Rouge, because I knew that it would be at least two more hours before I got to New Orleans at that point, and I’d end up stranded there. It was nearly impossible to find any current weather news on the radio, because all the stations were playing taped programs because it was Christmas. Finally, a police officer drove up the shoulder of the road, saying over his loudspeaker, “Highway 61 is closed into New Orleans, you must make a U-turn and go back.”
So I called my family in New Orleans, and began to drive back to Baton Rouge. I stopped to top off my gas tank and use the restroom, and discovered from other drivers that all roads into New Orleans were closed because of ice and snow. We were all very jolly in the tiny Shell station, waiting in line for the potty and buying snacks for the ride home. I had a bottled Starbucks frappucino, half of a Kit-Kat bar, a Cherry Diet Coke, and some Combos snack crackers for my Christmas dinner, as I drove back to relative non-snowy sanity. I was in the car for over four hours.
Then when I went to check on my friend’s pets, her dog had pooped all over her laundry room. I blame the snow.
I would like to pit the entire nation of Japan, for the way they’ve perverted Christmas into a bizarro world version of itself.
Okay, I realize that there are very few Christians in Japan, so that aspect is non-existant. I’m okay with that. However, instead of a family gift-giving occasion, Christmas in Japan is a night to share Christmas cake with that special someone. (One of my co-workers had a hard time deciding which of his five girlfriends he’d ask out that night, but that’s another rant entirely.) Even that doesn’t really bug me. (Well, the co-worker thing…never mind.)
What does bug me: Christmas dinner is not supposed to be from KFC!!! (The TV commercials start from November: “Be sure to order your KENTUCKY CHRISTMAS in advance!”)
Last Christmas by WHAM! is NOT a traditional Christmas carol!
I know that people in Japan like to take English words and shorten them into Japanese words (*pasokon, purikura, puramoderu), but merikuri for “merry Christmas” is just wrong!
And NO, WE DON’T DO ANY OF THESE THINGS IN AMERICA!!!
AARGH!
*(personal computer, print club, plastic model)
I’d like to minorly (is that a word?) pit my daughter, for complaining that Christmas (and every other holiday) isn’t what it used to be, and refusing to do anything about it.
Honey, there will never be another Christmas with grandma and grandpa and Uncle Denny and your dad. They’re gone. But a whole bunch of other people who love you are still here, and they’d sorta like you to acknowledge it and not live in a deep blue funk and refuse to leave the house or have anyone visit you every November, December and January!
I swear, next year I’m lacing her Pepsi with Prozac, starting with Halloween.
I was hoping there’d be a Christmas rants thread. Good.
Mum, don’t fucking tell me that “animals understand when you make fun of them” so I’m not allowed to ever say anything sarcastic to the dog. The dog doesn’t understand. The dog is a bundle of neuroses because you think it’s cute to cater to him and feed him stupid shit. He’s fat, and you fed him cookies and candy until he puked twice.
This is a sign, Mum. Maybe he didn’t want to eat his fucking dinner because he was a) stuffed, and b) sick. It’s a possibility, you know.
So stop being such a bloody idiot and anthropomorphizing beyond reason. Please?
Mum, please stop treating Dad like a child. Actually, please stop treating everyone like children, and yourself as the Extreme and Venerable and Magnified Pontiff of All Truth. You aren’t, and when you get worked up you make weird, random, truthless statmements that worry everyone. Just fucking calm down, shut up, and let the rest of us talk.
Oh, I also hate Boxing Day shoppers. Stupid gits.
I want to pit pet owners who seem to think that animals understand and will share in the whole “brotherly love, spirit of the season” crap. They don’t. So don’t assume that your little doggie will get along with your brother’s big doggie on this special day. If you must bring your pets to holiday get togethers, at least work out in advance who’s going to cover the vet bills when big doggie tries to eat little doggie.