I was watching an episode of “Diff’rent Strokes” and it was the episode where Sam and Punky Brewster (Only she wasn’t Punky on this show) became friends. Arnold goes away for the weekend and Sam asks Punky to sleepover
Now first of all shame on WWME-CA 23.1 for running a “Diff’rent Strokes” episode without Gary Coleman so soon after he died.
But anyway on the show, Mr Drummond then has the problem should Sam and Punky be allowed to have a sleepover. They would both be sleeping in the same bedroom. The kids are eight years old.
I was Googling around on the Internet (of course where else would on Google?) and found a lot of parents even allow teens mixed sleepovers. Of course this too can be biased as the parents who don’t allow it won’t put that on the Internet.
So my question is (finally - I know :)) would you allow your kids to have a mixed sleepover?
I don’t have kids, but my thought is, it would be OK if the kids were like under 7 or 8 years old. But on the other hand, I think “Anything they can do at a sleepover they can do any other time they ain’t being watch.” But then I think “True, but why make it easy for them.”
Agree with Marxxx, about 8-ish would be the cut off for me. Although maybe much later if they’re in separate rooms. I agree that it really isn’t going to make much difference in sexual activity (remembering how much sex I had as a teenager without ever even being allowed to have a boy in my room) but I wouldn’t put a group of, say, 12 year old boys and girls together overnight without expecting some shenanigans.
I do kind of think once they’re late teens, though, it doesn’t matter as much. If they’re sleeping together, they’ll find a way, and if not, sleeping in the same room isn’t going to change anything.
Circumstances. A lot of it depends on how many people are involved, what kind of kids they are, how they know each other, and how the parents are involved.
Twenty mid-teen classmates staying up until the wee hours in the living room while mom, after personally calling all the invitee’s parents to make sure it’s all okay, bakes cookies and basically stays a part of things? Seems reasonable. One of the best parties I ever went to was like this- a huge room with a pile of people and an eccentric parent keeping things lively-but-wholesome.
Twenty random mid-teen classmates partying all over the house while the parents hide in the bedroom? Sketchy.
A handful of geeky eighteen year olds who have known each other forever stay up too late playing LAN games and ask if they can just crash there? Sure, put the girls in the bedroom and the boys on the couches.
A handful of goth kids from different schools who meet each other at the weekly midnight Rocky Horror Picture Show screening want to know if they can just crash at someone’s house and swear they’ll sleep in separate rooms? Probably not.
A close-knit group of friends from drama club whose families all know each other want to have an all-night new year’s party where they drink sparking apple cider, play improv games and quite Monty Python at each other? Also seems okay. I did this sort of thing all the time in high school.
Ten kids from the football team and a handful of female friends want to have a New Years party where they plan to watch Saw V, play truth or dare and are likely to sneak in flasks. No go.
I’d say the sexually awakening ages of 10-15 would be off limits in almost all circumstances, especially since they are unlikely to have true cross-gendered friendships and have not gone through the rites of passage- like school dances- that give us as safe structured place to learn how to interact with the opposite sex post-puberty. At best it’d just be a mess of hormones. And any group of strange teens without close supervision is asking for trouble.
But I think by the late teens in a well-established low-drama peer group who have proven themselves trustworthy and have planned activities (not just laying in the dark whispering) can reasonably have a sleepover.
We decided 8-9 would be the cutoff… About that time things get tricky and I think sometimes perception is as important as reality.
Interestingly here a local low level judge just lost her gig for having teens sleep over and drink alcohol at her residence.
Oh and to EVEN… concerning your example of the drama club versus the football team… are you assuming the the “close knit” drama club wouldn’t have the same “interest” as the jocks and say cheerleaders??
With my daughter I’ve been happy for her to share the same room as her male best friend until they were just turned 11 (last summer). Since then he’s turned into a proper besotted boy awash with hormones, so he goes in the living room. It’s kinda respectful of their changing status - they’re no longer little kids.
I’d have no problem at all having them stay over in separate rooms. Maybe I would if this were a bigger house or if I went to sleep early or maybe if the boy wanting to stay over were one I was more wary of.
Speaking hypothetically, since I’m not yet a parent, I think the biggest thing would be that they sleep in separate rooms. Even if they’re all six years old, they’ll have to change into pajamas at some point, and I don’t want to have to deal with Sally asking what’s that thing that Jimmy has (that’ll have to be dealt with eventually, of course, but at a sleepover with a bunch of kids most of whom aren’t mine isn’t the right time or place).
Looking at it from the age perspective, I don’t think I would have a problem with coed teenage sleepovers, either, as long as all of the guests were kids I knew and trusted, and I laid down the ground rules clearly and in advance. And if I didn’t know and trust the guests, then they wouldn’t be sleeping over regardless of age or sex.
Well, changing into their pyjamas isn’t a problem - there are other rooms, bathrooms etc.
Of course, if, like me, you have a 2-bedroom flat, then it’s a choice of letting kids stay in the same room or giving up your living room - and, since little kids often go to bed at around 7, that isn’t exactly convenient. It only really becomes feasible when the kids are old enough to stay up latish.
I chose the last one because I think it depends on the kids and parents involved. My daughter’s best friend was a boy and they spent every waking minute together, and he was always spending the night too.
Sometimes my niece would join in at the sleepovers and maybe my best friend’s son and daughter. They were all good friends for years and we parents treated all these kids like one big family so we weren’t the least bit concerned about anything bad happening, even when they were older. My daughter’s friend moved out of town so all during their teen years he’d come visit for weeks in the summer and they’d stay in the same room. I never had any reason not to trust them.
There is a pizza commercial that kind of bothers me. The parents are ordering pizza for their sons sleep over. It’s kind of well? Boy sleep overs are new to me.
I was only allowed to go to a few as a kid. My Mom wasn’t big on it. My daughter had a few in first and second grade and then it stopped.
I would never advocate boy/ girl sleepovers because I am ultimately responsible if something happens to one of the kids. I don’t know that little Tommy had a funny uncle that taught him X…
It is also inviting teenage pregancy when they get older to have boys and girls sleeping under one roof because they can sneak around after you go to bed. I just told mine you will see them tomorrow.
I was just not into it. Kids have their own homes and beds to sleep in.
Also just as a side note. Some of you know about the bi guy I dated but found out by accident. He told me he used to sleep over Marks house a lot in High School. It turns out in the end that Mark was one of his long term flings. So it may not be a good thing to encourage.
Just drawing on my own experiences. I rolled with a theater crowd so geeky and wholesome that the biggest trouble we ever caused was that we once filled a balloon with EZCheez until it exploded. We all hung out with each other constantly and our parents all knew us well enough to know they could trust us to the moon. We really were just about good wholesome fun. Your drama geeks/football jocks may vary.
Yes, It’s not normal. Why would boys want to have a girlie sleep over? Should we encourage them to play dress up too? My son told me about boy sleep overs and that they usually involve one kid being naked and the other one throwing baloney slices on his ass??? This was from years ago but it left me with a visual that is haunting.
Aaaaand now it will haunt us too. Your son clearly went to some very odd sleepovers.
There’s nothing intrinsically “girlie” in an all-boy sleepover. I went to a few as a pre-pubescent and don’t remember anything other than staying up talking, eating, playing games and watching movies on late-night television. I mean, there’s nothing girlie about a boy scout camping trip either, and that’s basically the same thing as a sleepover except that they don’t deliver pizza to the woods, you get eaten by mosquitos and you have to bury your own poop.
Have no problem with gender specific sleepovers at any age. As far as mixed sex goes, as long as there’s distinct, separate sleeping areas, and appropriate supervision I don’t mind.
I recently hosted an after-prom get sleepover at our house with 10 high school seniors of both sexes. The girls slept in one tent; the boys slept in another. We went outside and did random headcount checks to make sure everyone was in their designated tent. Most of them stayed up all night so it was kind of a moot check.