Person A: "Whatcha been doin’?"
Person B: "Not much. Just shootin’the fat, chewin’ the shit."
What a visual…
The early bird catches the worm but the early worm gets eaten.
crime is its own reward
a good woman should be seen and not heard
one foot in and one foot out of a gift horse is nothing to cry over
Kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray.
I wanna know how many ashtrays were licked in order to verify this theory.
They say a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
I’d be happy with one bird in the bush… the one in my hand is getting bored with the routine.
Peace,
Tn*hippie
This isn’t a mixed metaphor, but it’s an inexcusable mistake given that I saw it in a screenWRITING magazine: “eye-dropping special effects.” As in jaw-dropping/eye-popping. Moron.
My mother, in a fit of fuious anger, once said:
“It’s no funeral off my nose!”
“Please be more PACIFIC” ???
“Take our clients into the BOARDING ROOM” ???
“I didn’t hear what you said because I’m a bit DEATH”
“I spoke to a lot of DELICATES at the conference”
In his book Jest What the Doctor Ordered, Dr. Leo Golden includes this item:
“We’ll have to change the title of that movie,” said Sam Goldwyn, who can mangle a metaphor in “four” ways than one. “It’s confusing to call it The Optimist. Not many people know that an optimist is an eye specialist.” 
The early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I know that we’ve probably covered this-
But today I heard another one.
It’s a golfing one, by (yes) Yogi Berra!
In golfing, half of the putts that are too short never make it in.
Gotta love that one!!
A Teacher at school once said to me when i was naughty
“You don’t come to school to be clever with me young man!”
At which point the class erupted in laughter : )
The Lord is a shoving Lepard
I’m Nucking Futs
In one Swoul Foop.
One of my all time favorites was from the AlienNation TV series, (actually they managed to come up with a lot of brilliant ones, but this one I remember 10 years later):
George: “Wild whores could not drag me away, Matthew!”
Matt: “HORSES, George. Wild horses.”
Gotta love it. What a visual…