MMP Mystery – What’s up with Murray??

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
181

Sigh. Okay, here’s the story, though now that I’m telling it in public I guess I can kiss my run for the presidency goodbye.

Once upon a time there was a horny 19 year old by the name of Welby. He was a good looking, strapping young man, almost god-like in his stature and attractiveness. Yes, he was quite the piece of ass. Young Welby fell in [del]lust[/del] love with a pretty young thing named Sgt. Wilson’s Daughter. Sgt. Wilson was a big, burly, strapping fellow who spent his military life learning to harm people in up close and personal ways. We know this, because he explained to Welby prior to the first date that he had dedicated his military life to learning how to harm people in up close and personal ways.*

Ah, the optimism of youth! Ah, the reckless wonder that is a horny teen! Ah, the decision to take young SWD to a party! That had beer! And pot! Then the long, slow drive through the icy night to young SWD’s house, which was empty, because Sgt. Wilson was on duty that night! And the clumsy, drunken kissing and embracing of two youngsters as they plied thier way through the house to SWD’s bedroom! Ah, the getting of the lay! And then the warm, gentle caress of beer and pot induced sleep!

Then the evil came. Or the good, depending upon whose side you’re inclined to take. Sometime around 2AM SWD woke up to the sound of Sgt. Wilson coming home. She shook Welby awake and said in a panicked whisper “Get the fuck out of here, my dad is home.”

Welby did not stop to do anything but gather (most) of this clothes. In the words of Clement Clark Moore, “Away to the window he flew like a flash, tore open the shutter, and threw up the sash!” He then climbed out of there, ran through the snow to his truck, and drove the hell away from the evil Sgt. Wilson, bare assed naked and cold as hell. He ignored the shout behind him as he ran figuring that, after all, he had a head start. He put on his pants and coat about a mile away from the house. It didn’t help, he was still cold. He never DID get his underwear back.

The End.

Post script: Sgt. Wilson called me the next day and told me three things that I carry with me to this day:

  1. Never “hide” your black and rust colored, easily recognizable truck on the only street that leads to the home of the person you’re hiding it from. Next time, he said, feel free to use the driveway.

  2. Only an idiot would drive drunk with someone’s only daughter, or anyone’s daughter or son for that matter, in the truck, and I deserved a good ass whipping for that. If I expected to do that again, don’t bother to pick up his daughter beforehand.

  3. He hoped we used protection, he was an old fashioned father, and would expect me to do the right thing if she became pregnant.

It turns out that Sgt. Wilson was dismissed a little early, saw my truck, and decided to go shoot some pool so that we could have some alone time. He thought it very funny that I ran through the snow with nothing on, and commented several times that he wished he’d had a photo. All in all, he was pretty cool about it all, much cooler than I think I’d be if I were in his position.

*Later in his life, Welby took this lesson and applied it to his own life. He didn’t learn to harm people in up close and personal ways, but he did take his daughter’s first boyfriend to the gun range, and proceeded to point out what an excellent shot he was. Welby’s wife still gives him the occaisonal silent treatment because of this.

182

No moonshine, hunting or skinny dipping, but there was beer, pot and nekkidness so it’s still a good story welby. I myself have lost several pairs of underwear over the years. It wasn’t because I was in a hurry, it was because I forgot 'em and well, since I was never going to be at the places they were left ever again, it didn’t matter. After all, underwear’s pretty cheap.

Maybe that’s what Murray’s really up to, stealing underwear. I suggest FCM do an underwear inventory. :smiley:

183

Good morning! All sorts of excitement today … it began with a dream that I was plugging in a new super-duper amazing will-make-your-coffee-and-take-a-shower-for-you alarm clock (and for some reason, the guy I had a crush on in 10th grade was there), and the alarm wouldn’t stop going off. Even when I unplugged it, it wouldn’t stop. I recall being totally freaked out in the dream and trying everything I could to keep from waking a houseful of people (wasn’t my house, of course, it was my dream-house–not the house of my dreams, just the house in my dreams), but to no avail. Eventually I woke up to realize that my actual alarm clock had been going off for just under forty minutes. I may have done the snooze-button thing at some point, but I sure as hell don’t recall it.

Then, on my way out of the house, there was a note on the front doors (on the inside) that said “Somebody had Chinese food and tried to throw it in the dumpster but MISSED, and someone else had to clean it up. THAT’S NOT NICE.” I haven’t had Chinese in weeks, but for some reason, the “THAT’S NOT NICE” part sent me into an uncontrollable giggle fit. Not “Don’t do that” or “Make sure garbage is properly bagged.” Just “THAT’S NOT NICE.”

And when I got to work, I discovered that the showroom downstairs was robbed at some point early this morning. (I work for a company that sells photographic equipment, and our store downstairs has lots of display models for digital cameras, lenses, and all the other expensive, easy-to-carry things that go along with them.) Sounds like a smash and grab job from what I’ve overheard thus far, though.

I have no really embarrassing naked-in-public stories. There was the time in fourth grade where my snap-down shirt got caught and came open, which was mortifying because I was wearing a bra. gasp The strangest part of all was that this was witnessed by nothing but boys and oddly enough, not one of them ever mentioned it to me or anybody else, as far as I know to this day. Of course, there are a lot of Rocky Horror accidental nudity stories as related a week or two ago, but those weren’t embarrassing. Or at least, not as embarrassing as flashing my first bra to a group of ten year old boys.

I was once caught mid-coitus by a security guard at the Prudential Mall in Boston, but once he’d ascertained that I was not coiting in a dark courtyard up against a concrete wall unwillingly, he apologized and left us alone. Sadly, my partner could not bring himself to finish the show after that.

184

Man! I missed a great party. You guys have been busy.
Lemme see here.

I have frozen cookie dough, when it has lasted that long to do so (I usually give up and just dig in with a spoon–preheating the oven is sooooo exhausting).

Cookies are even flatter than danish, so send some my way!

Danish–make lemon–I love lemon. Or just that cheesy kind of filling with lots of nuts on top–yummers!
My cat is dumb as a box of hair. But he’s our dumb cat, so we loves him. His name is Simon, which is a nice name for a cat (he was pre-named).
embarassing sex stories–I am already blushing from the memory of it. Not sure if I’ll share it here, maybe I will but only after lots of coaxing and cajolling.
someone upthread had Hershey’s Kisses and Chernobyl for dinner? That’s some weight loss program!

Congats, spatialrift on getting that done. I have “successfully completed” Part One of my application (that is the confirm email I got) and do my interview tonoc with…Ms. Pessisimistic Librarian!

Long story, but while she seems a nice person, she does emphasize the impossiblity of the task of getting in. I dunno if this is her or if she thinks that I must be doing this for fun. It’s irrirating, that’s for sure. I realize that competition is fierce, but I think I have as good a shot as the next person. I’ll never know unless I try, so why the doom and gloom?

(or maybe she’s been sent to me to teach me not to be such a doom and gloomer myownself…)

Off to spend money at Kohl’s. I need bras, comfy shoes for UK trip, and anything else that might catch my eye. I don’t like to shop, really, but when I do–there goes the budget!

185

YES!!!

I just had the coolest thing happen to me at work! The boss types have thier panties in a twist because someone distributed inaccurate information concerning a system problem we had last week. Therefore, they have decided to ask one person to be the point of contact for all system messages, and that person is . . . ME!

I accepted on the condition that I can add the words “Minister of Propaganda” to the nameplate in my office. My boss thought it was funny, and agreed. She did not agree to let me add it to my business cards, but I’m working on that.

186

Too cool! I’m jealous. :smiley:

187

Spats stay away from Northrop Grumman. I deal with their ship systems unit on a daily basis. They are looking for people in the company to harvest brains, because they sure as hell don’t hire smart people. In fact, I lose IQ points every time I have to deal with those bastiches.
That’s all I’m saying, that’s all.

188

Congrats, welby, Minister of Progaganda! I am indeed impressed.

The rain has started. No doubt it will be followed shortly by plague, pestilience, famine, rioting, chaos, earthquakes, flood, fire and other general ickiness just because I have to drive three hours to Etlanner.

We have a brand new pallet jack! It just got delivered. It’s bright, screaming, yellow. I do mean:

**
YEEELLLOOOWWW!!!**

It’s so purty and shiny! Makes me want to go move some pallets around.

189

That’s great news welby! That was a good story too! For that matter, you all had good stories.

Spats, congrats! I’m sure all will go well for you.

I am not yet fully caffeinated, so I can’t think of anything to say. This is probably a good thing.

Dolores, best of luck with the treatment. I hope everything goes well.

Oh! They had a little more information on the poor nekkid guy who got hit yesterday. As it turns out, he was a 35 year old gentlemen who owned three McDonalds franchises. He apparently had owned them since 1996. The whole thing with the dog isn’t clear yet, but he was not driving naked. Apparently, after he crossed the highway with his vehicle and ran into the guardrail, he stepped out of the truck and stripped. Then he stepped into Lane 2 of the Interstate 90. Nobody knows what he was thinking. It’s still very odd and very sad.

190

Early morning misunderstanding:

I was at the gym this morning, where they have TVs on but with no sound. So I look over at one of them and the text splashed across the bottom of the screen - because news reports need lots of graphics and big text - said “Gay Bear Attacks.” And I really couldn’t figure out how they knew the bear was gay. Until I realized that it was actually a gay bar attack. ::sigh::

191

Swampy, I know you don’t want to go to Etlanner in the rain, but was this really necessary???

192

Well, sometimes gay bears do attack… :smiley:

Here’s a picture of what our new pallet jack looks like. Ain’t it all purty and YELLOW?

I’m about to head out of here and up to Etlanner. I might or might not be back in today and tomorrow. It all depends on what kind of time I have and being able to find a puter to sneak in and post/read.

See y’all later!

193

Good luck with the treatments, Dolores. Prayers headed out. You take care of yourself, okay?

welby, thank you. The story is truly awesome.

194

You could have bright yellow sex on that thing.

You could.

I was just on my way out…

195

How many times have to taken it for a ride since it showed up? :dubious:

196

Just a quick dash in to say hi and best of luck, el on the treatments. I have no naked sex stories but The Princess[sup]TM[/sup] once locked me out on our condo balcony when I was preggers with her brother. Oh, yes, I didn’t have a stitch on (was just laying out a wet swimsuit). Thank Og it was secluded and I was able to stick my finger through the screening. Got her little hiney paddled for that one.

Oh, and congrats welby on your <snerk>promotion.

197

I am having treatments?
I hope I like them–what kind would they be?

Dolores --good luck to you. I know a guy who licked Hep C–he is fine now, but it was a rocky road.

198

I can’t believe I was late to all the naked stories. I just spent and interesting few minutes getting all caught up, naked-wise. Sadly, I have no interesting outdoor naked stories. But I enjoyed y’all’s.

Hey! Aren’t you people paying attention! I OWN CALPHALON. I whole buttload of it. An entire set. I acquired it along with my husband (who sometimes says I only married him for his cookware. Not true, I would have married him anyway. But the cookware is that good.) So yes, ems get a Calphalon pan or two or 10. You do have to hand-wash, but nothing sticks and the heat is very even and wonderful. I cook like a dream with my Calphalon!

199

I am officially jealous. I would LOVE to have calphalon non-stick cookware. That has been my dream cookware ever since I learned of it. One of these days I’ll feel like I can splurge on it.

200

I’m just getting used to the idea of cooking regularly, of course, but I have to say that newer Pam spray with flour in it has worked wonders on everything I’ve cooked in my might-stick cookware. I did buy some of those silicone floppy cake pans, though. Those are fun. Mostly because I behave like a child whenever possible. :smiley: