For as much time as I spend here and as much as I post and as familiar as I am with this place (regardless of my current “one trick pony” status)… well, does anybody think I should apply to be a moderator? Are there any openings? What are my chances?
Advise me, O Wise Ones.
And no, I’m not formally throwing my hat in the ring, just doing a preliminary study. 
Esprix
Esprix, you are aware that your application has to be vetted by our new friend Righteous? 
I’ll send you an application if you like, well, I will as soon as I can retrieve it from my AOL Filing Cabinet, my apologies to all you folks waiting for one.
And let me take this opportunity to speak on this topic a bit.
It takes us a long time to move on applications, we’ve learned from bitter experience that our choices are really important and the impact they have on the board is profound. And the more the board grows, the more staff we bring on, the fit between all the workers becomes more and more critical; again, as we have learned, it only takes a bit of friction to make this little corner of cyberspace nearly unbearable.
We study moderator applicants, we look long and hard at the application and we read their postings over time, which is how we truly get to know someone. I do not want to get into the details of the process but I will tell you that we look at all facets of your Straight Dope experience.
Ideally, a good moderator candidate is an active participant in board life and is cognizant of what’s going on in more than one area. They are smart, flexible, witty, wise. They might be highly educated, they might have little formal education but a lot of “mother wit.” Or perhaps some combination of the two, there’s all sorts of gradations on that scale. They have a lot of common sense. Sometimes they bring special skills or expertise or arcane knowledge that really tickles us; other times they know a little about a lot of things. We want not only the specialists but the utility infielders too.
Moderators need to be serious when necessary but also playful; that sense of fun is just as meaningful as being right on the Big Issues. Oftentimes around here a light word does better than a heavy foot and knowing the difference is not only a skill but an art.
Spelling and grammar are important. More than one candidate that had otherwise wonderful attributes had atrocious spelling or couldn’t express themselves well and that knocked 'em out of the box. Some people consider this petty or nitpicking, but Ed and the Reader don’t see it that way.
A few responses that tend to make us dubious about a prospective applicant:
“I’ve never read any of the Straight Dope books.”
“I only spend a couple of hours a week online.”
“I can only read the board on weekends when I’m at home.”
“I can only read the board at work when my boss isn’t looking.”
“Who is this Cecil Adams guy everybody keeps talking about, anyway?”
(All actual cases, sorry to say.)
Most of all, being a moderator means being moderate, in every sense of the word. You give up some of your right of self-expression when you come to work here; by the nature of the gig you have to able to see most points of view and administer even-handedly. It means not speaking sometimes when you want to slap somebody for a week or two solid, or not getting to use that incredibly clever riposte. It also means sometimes taking horrendous abuse and not being able to do anything about it but bear up under it. And, as I keep discovering, it also means when you’re right it’s great, but when you’re wrong you really look like an idiot.
What do you get for all of this? A coffee mug, a ton of email, less time to yourself, and the satisfaction of making this world just a teensy bit better. That’s what’s kept me busy since 1996.
Thanks for asking, Esprix. And I’ll try to get those apps out today, dear hearts.
your humble TubaDiva
Administrator
Nahhhhhhh…we find it endearing.
Enlightening and frightening. I’m glad I didn’t formally announce, as that description might not be what I’d want to sign up for.
But send me the application anyway, whenever - no rush.
Thanks.
Esprix
Sorry to see the board does not meet your expectations, Arnold. Perhaps you can find another board more suited to your tastes.
Ha Ha. Just kidding. You are usually one of the fun mods. I’d just hate to see you become one of the bitter ones. (No names!)
Hey! HEY!
your humble TubaDiva
I resent that!
Don’t bother sending me an application – I have no interest in being a moderator. However, I’m bitter and hypersensitive and want to get back at my enemies – both real and imagined – so please grant me all available powers, plus a suitable title, such as IMPERATOR, that I might stand astride the SDMB as unto a colossus, while all cower at the sight of my terrible name.
I also want to be able to edit Cecil’s online articles at my whim. And I want a pony. Plus a second pony, to keep the first one company. Thank you.
I also humbly request that you not send me an application, merely so that I can continue to live with the fantasy that the Powers That Be would immediately appoint me Senior Administrator and grovel in shame for not having done so on their own initiative and give me whitetho’s ponies in atonement.
Well, Caligula did make his horse, Incitatus a priest and consul. 
[sub]Not that I’m likening Cecil, Ed Zotti, or the Chicago Reader with Caligula. I might be likening Whitetho with Incitatus, however.[/sub]
I would have asked for an application, but I realize that I’m too young to be a moderator.
Too young to drink (legally), too, dammit… maybe there’s a relation there?
Anyway, Mrs. (Ms.? Miss?) Diva, I’ll wait a couple years ‘fore you have to worry about ol’ Diddly wanting an app. Until then… live in fear. Mwa-hahahahaha!!
I like punishment! [sub]I’m kinda weird that way…[/sub]
TubaDiva please send me an app, too! I can’t promise to apply right now (as you can’t promise to make me a moderator, anyhow…), as I have a very time-consuming obligation that will last another month or so… but I might want to apply later!
[powertrip moment]**[sup]Let all tremble before Astroboy14, who will from now refer to himself only in the third person! Your foolish thoughts, your silly questions, your uncalled for flames… all shall perish at the merest click of his all-knowing mouse!! At least until Astroboy14’s fiancee smacks him upside the head (as she is often wont to do)…
Astroboy14 rules! He strides through the boards like a god, striking threads dead with a flick of his finger! Banning impudent fools with a lightning-quick thought! Ending Great Debates with one concise, brilliant post! Adding exclaimation points to sentences that do not warrant them! Maybe TWO!!
(Astroboy14 waves his hands around in a maniacal, divine, creating/destroying fashion… and as entire UNIVERSES are born and obliterated… spills beer into his keyboard; rESuLtinG iN POStts thAT LoOK likE TTTHiisssss…)[/sup]**[/powertrip moment]
WHEW!! Now Astrob… uh, I’m all dizzy!!!
Tuba, you always seem to be all adult to me. You know, like a banker. As if there was some final polishing on the inner adult happening :-)…Tuba your most annoying line to me, is that one of: ‘I expected better of you’. Do you guys ever get that from Tuba? Hmmmm. I’m pretty sure it can’t be expressly written for me.
Now if only we could get a mod with a lot of inner child, things would balance out? That may be your way in Esprix.
Reasonable point, Handy, even if we do ALL expect better of you, same as TubaDiva :D.
Since the SDMB is a group of varied interests, talents, and staying powers, maybe the Modhood should reflect that.
Let’s hire some of those applicants who can only promise to work weekends.
That would let me in. (Except for the fact that Ed preemptively turned me down for Moderator the time I was only offering to help the research staff. 
)
Let’s say in the category of “Smart” they had to qualify, but we can certainly waive “Spelling”, since they have the power to edit. And for “Flexible, Witty, Wise” it need only be 2 out of 3.
And additionally, we could offer Mod for A Day status whenever someon’s thread was added to Weird Earl’s collection.
The only way we’re gonna get a mod with a lot of inner child if is one of us gets pregnant with twins.
Or if I eat a baby.
tshirts said:
I get this mental image of a lesser sentence for pleading guilty.
I salute those of you who are nuts…er, public-spirited enough to volunteer for modhood. I’d be a terrible mod–within two weeks I’d be ready to kill somebody, and within four weeks I just might do it.
For those of you wondering about the spelling/grammar rule, just remember that the effective Head Honcho* of this board is, by profession, an editor.
As to handy’s point… MommyDiva, mean Mr. handy says I don’t have any inner child! You’re not going to let him say that, are you? I do too have inner child! Do too! Do too!
bwaaaaaaawaawaaa
*Other than Cecil; like all divinities, he tends to stay behind the scenes.
Alpha, you’re from Scotland, aren’t you?
Heh. Don’t get me started, Spoofe.
ATMB is not the place to be discussing turtle heads pokin’ out.
I think that high post counts should be important when they pick a mod. Not because I have that. But because anyone who posts a lot of messages has read a lot of messages! That’s a must. I think that I read about 15x as many posts that I post. I Haven’t brought out the calculator yet.