Moderator, Well could ya help me make this post?
See, I don’t know the forum that it goes in
I posted in GD but I was told it was wrong, you see?
It was a masterpiece and then you stuck your nose in.

Isn’t that the way they say it goes?
Well let’s forget all that
And just unlock my thread if you can find it
So I can show just how wise I am and to show
I’ve overcome the blow, I’ve learned to take it well
I only wish my words could just convice anybody else
That it just wasn’t junk
And that it’s what I really thunk.

Moderator, could you help me make this post
Well, I won’t listen to the advice that you just gave me
I don’t have a clue, but that, you knew
I’ll use it’s closing as an excuse to rave, see?

Fenris Croce

Another gem from Fenris Dangerous-Quantities-Of-Spare-Time Croce.

And, as always, whither Fenris goeth, I must follow:

Give me Cecil on the line
I’d like to speak to a friend of mine
Oh Straight Dope is the website
GD is the Board
Cecil is the Man
And the Millions are his hoard
Please give me Cecil on the line

Please hurry if you can
Oh Moderator
Won’t be long before I’m banned
Don’t worry 'bout my questions
You know it was all a test
Just drop me in the Pit
And the mob will do the rest
Please give me Cecil on the line

Oh yeah…!*

::digs in pockets for non-childproof Bic lighter::
::sets on highest possible setting::


::sways back and forth to the meter::

Brilliant. Sheer brilliancy. Brilliant brilliantness abounds.

::tossing rose petals::

You guys are great

::tosses a couple of dollars in the hat::

gimmie another one! gimmie another one!!

once again, Fenris (sigh) my hero.

It almost makes having nimrods around bearable, since they give you inspiration.

Note, I said “almost”.

My thread arrived just the other day
It came to the board in the usual way
But there were beers to drink
and no time to think
I 'prolly shouldn’t have incuded that porno link.

‘cause it was closed before I knew it, and I got banned to
I said “I’m gonna get you, Moderator. You know I’m gonna get you.”
the puppets in the pit like a bad cartoon
throwin’ around shit and threatening doom
When you’re going away troll I don’t when
but it’ll be a good day then, troll
you know it’ll be a good day then

I was a newbie so i gave it a try:
“Let’s continue to live and never die.”

A fun first post to say the least,
In all the dopers I brought out the beast.

“How dare you use the word evolve like that”,
Then others got pissed when I used the word Phat.

Still I post, not minding at all,
A little trash talk in the pit makes for a ball.

Cause I know inside I’m smart and I’m fun,
I love america, hip-hop and my gun.

I also love science, and some of that math,
So go ahead dopers, sit back and laugh.

I’ll still post How I feel and not be ashamed,
This Straight Dope Message Board just can’t be tamed.

I’m proud to be different and say how I feel,
I’ve made a few friends and I know the deal:

I handled the goat and even got branded.
I did all the clapping push-ups, and did them one handed.

So one of these days when your feeling spent,
Fear not the responses, just remeber the newbie lament.


Brrrravo to you all!! Bravissimo!!

Fenris, that’s beautiful. Like a popular thread everyone posts to, you keep getting bumped up to the top of my Most-Admired-Posters list. Your creativity is truly brilliant. I hope you make some money off it someday, if you don’t already. And no, I’m not joking. I’m quite serious.

You rule.

Scylla, my co-worker just asked me why I laughed out loud. That was great! “but it’ll be a good day then, troll” Love it!