Not exactly a momism, but she’d do this a lot to piss me off…
(Whilst I’m in my bedroom and mom’s in the kitchen)
Mom: Bladder! Bladder darling? Can you come here a second?
Me: (Running towards the kitchen) Yes?
Mom: Oh you’re here, can you pick up that carrot peel I dropped on the floor? Thanks.
Me: Ugh
Oh, and “Don’t eat so fast! Chew before you swallow!”
Don’t touch that! You don’t know where it’s been!
Don’t you use that tone of voice with me young man!
Draw in those poked out lips before somebody trips on them!
Please don’t jump off the barn roof again! (and she got to say this to four boys. :D)
You take those muddy clothes off on the back porch!
Don’t hit your little brother/sister with that (fill in the blank with object of choice)!
And once in total exasperation… Sometimes I feel like calling the hospital and see if they’ll take you back! (This is one of my all time favorites. I am so proud that I was the one who caused that one. 
)
“If you can’t help, don’t hinder!”
Dude, when you’re like five years old, you have no idea what the hell that means.
In reaction to our using the word, “Hey!” we’d get:
“Hay is for horses.”
If you failed to close the door (particularly a screen door):
“You weren’t born in a barn.”
But Welby, it’s Father’s Day this weekend, so where’s the thread on Dad-isms??
Mom: Turn down that music.
Daughter: Make me.
Mom: Your dad and I did that 15 years ago. Now turn down that music.
Daughter: Eeeeeeeew. (turns down music)
“Stop tormenting your brother!”
“Don’t make me come back there!”
the ubiquitous “Wait till your father gets home!”
“No swimming for an hour after you eat!”
“Take it outside!”
“You only got an A? Why couldn’t you get an A+?”
“You’re sitting there until you eat it. Or you’ll get it for breakfast.”
“I’m the mother. That’s why.”
“Because I said so.”
When I was inside, doing something like watching TV: “It’s a beautiful day; you should be outside.”
When I was outside playing: “Shouldn’t you be in here doing your homework?” (Or some household task.)
And one of my all-time favourites, from when I was about ten and my sister was seven and we were playing on a Sunday morning: “Don’t tie that rope around your sister’s neck! It’s dangerous to tie things around people’s necks; never, ever do it again!” She went on like this, about tying things around necks for a while, then said, “Now, put on your necktie; it’s time for church.”
I spent the next few years trying to figure that one out.
“If you fall out of that tree and break your leg, don’t come running to me.”
You weren’t born in a barn.
I don’t want to heat the whole outdoors.
You make a better door than a window.
Because I’m the mother and I said so.
All I ask if for you kids to give me 10 minutes of peace.
Why isn’t the laundry done?
Go take care of your brother.
Mother: “Hurry up and <do some difficult task>.”
Me (whining): “I’m TRYYYYYYYing!!”
Mother: sigh “Yes, you’re VERY trying.”
I didn’t “get” that one until I was about 23.
Get off the computer! Now! I’m gonna count to three, and I want you to be off that computer.
Ooooone…
…
Twooooooo…
…
I mean it! I really mean it! Don’t type another word, don’t click a single button more, get OFF the computer NOW and go practice your violin. NOW.
Even better, this is a literal transcript happening right NOW. :rolleyes: 
‘what the heck are you doing up there!’
‘shut up the f$&k’
‘yes you can lick the batter off the spoon’ I loved her cookie batter
me: ‘what are we having for dinner?’
mom: ‘food’
‘balls are meant to be with outside’ had a giggle when I got older on that one
“Get your finger out of your nose”
“Don’t put your sticky hands all over the glass doors, I just cleaned those!”
“Be still”
“Did you remember to flush?”
“You just wait until your father gets home, young lady!”
“Don’t make me stop this car!”
A lot of times, if she wanted one of us, she would run through the first syllable or so of all our names, e.g., “becwekimesha”. I have watched her do this two or three times while looking directly at me. Eventually she gives up, says, “YOU!” and points to whomever she means. I know other people with large families, and this is not uncommon.
But the true classic, if you’re imitating my mother:
“Oh, you girls!”
Said in exasperation when we did something stupid or silly. BTW, we are all girls. We never knew quite what she meant by it. :dubious:
“If Johnny told you to jump off a cliff, would you?”
I’ve uttered one main mom-ism, repeatedly:
No running in the house!!!
“It’ll be better before you get married” (Being married, I assume she was referring to the minor injury I would show her before she’d say this.)
“So’s Christmas” (her response to our yelling in “I’m coming!” after she had called us into the room for the third or fourth time.)
“This place looks like a cyclone hit it.”
“Go get lost somewhere where I can find you”
“I’m going to eat you up with kisses”
“Don’t count your chickens before they cross the bridge”*
*Mom’s native language wasn’t English and she never quite got these things straight. But she was a great mom.
After 10 minutes or so of incessant “Mom…Mom…Mom…Mom…Mom…(repeat ad infinitum)…”
Mom: I’M CHANGING MY NAME AND I’M NOT TELLING YOU WHAT IT IS!!