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I’d prefer not to quote any of my mother’s more memorable words of wisdom, but I’m glad I stumbled into this thread. It explains a lot about the denizens of the SDMB. We’re a neurotic bunch, and not for nothin’.
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When my brother or sister or I would say " I want…"
my mom would reply "People in Hell want ice water."
“You just burn me up!”
“You’re driving me up the wall!”
(These two were once combined to “You just burn me up the wall!” I wish I could remember what my sister did to inspire such rage.)
“Life’s not fair.”
When I was very little, if my Mom made me mad, I’d scream at her, “I HATE YOU!!” Of course, I expected tears, apologies, sincere repentance from my Mom. Instead, what I got was a calm:
“Well, that’s too bad because I love you.”
Absolutely infuriating.
And the last thing I heard every single day for 13 years when leaving to go off to school: “Mamma loves you!”
“Wear a hat”
“Lord love a duck, I had to have kids.”
“I never talked to MY parents that way.”
“Wear a hat”
“Lord love a duck, I had to have kids.”
“I never talked to MY parents that way.”
carrot your “disappointed” line just made me shudder. Sorry mom.
My favorite momisms…(many listed here are my dad’s lines actually, my mom is cooler and funnier than dad)
My brother and I would go to her with a twisted ankle or a pulled muscle or something…
“Mom, it hurts when I go like this” (wiggling affected body part usually in some distorted way)
“Well dont go like that then” and she would mimic us in the most bizarre way possible, like wiggling a “sprained” ankle while doing a chimp kind of dance and scratching her arm pit at the same time.
Or when my brother and I were fighting …and fighting…and fighting…all day…(usually when Dad was out of town for the week on business)
“If you two don’t stop it, someone will have to leave, and since I have the car keys, its going to be me.”
(She actually did that once, I was about 12 or 13 and my brother 4 years younger. She left. Went to her sisters for coffee or something, it had been planned, but we didnt know that. She didnt come home until around 10:30 that night. Dave and I not only stopped fighting but cleaned our rooms and did the laundry. My brother and I were kind of worried what we would say when Dad phoned. We flipped and I lost. I had to explain to Dad that we drove mom away. But she returned home. Luckily before Dad called.
I reminded Mom of that a few years ago and she laughed so hard she spit out her coffee. She didnt realize her kids were at home shitting construction materials. She remembered saying “someone will have to leave” but didnt remember acting on it. )
Other ones were… Whats for Lunch… “Fried porridge sandwiches”
Never had those. But the threat was there.
Never figured this one out… In response to my “What for?”
“What fur? Cat fur to make kitten breeches!”
juji_mojo, it made me shudder just to type it.
What did I just say?
Stop pretending to be stupid. (To which my flustered brother bellowed: “I’m not pretending!”)
You’ll eat it or you’ll wear it. (Borrowed from an eccentric local restaurateur. My father had witnessed this being told to a customer.)
I have three younger children; you’re smart enough to figure it out for yourself. (This one was just for me).
oooh, good one. I’m gonna use that…
Repeating what you said with the ‘sh’ prefix. E.g.,
Me: “It wasn’t me, it was Greg”
Mom: Oh, Greg Shmeg, he doesn’t live here!"